Scarborough and the Critic | Page 3

of Amanda, our friend Loveless's wife. Fash. I never have
seen her, but have heard her spoken of as a youthful wonder of beauty
and prudence.
Col. Town. She is so indeed; and, Loveless being too

careless and insensible of the treasure he possesses, my lodging in the
same house has given me a thousand opportunities of making my
assiduities acceptable; so that, in less than a fortnight, I began to bear
my disappointment from the widow with the most Christian resignation.

Fash. And Berinthia has never appeared?
Col. Town. Oh, there's
the perplexity! for, just as I
began not to care whether I ever saw her
again or not, last night she arrived.
Fash. And instantly resumed her
empire.
Col. Town. No, faith--we met--but, the lady not

condescending to give me any serious reasons for having fooled me for
a month, I left her in a huff.
Fash. Well, well, I'll answer for it she'll
soon resume
her power, especially as friendship will prevent your
pursuing the other too far.--But my coxcomb of a brother is an admirer
of Amanda's too, is he?
Col. Town. Yes, and I believe is most heartily
despised by her. But come with me, and you shall see her and your old
friend Loveless.
Fash. I must pay my respects to his
lordship--perhaps you can direct me to his lodgings.
Col. Town.

Come with me; I shall pass by it.
Fash. I wish you could pay this visit
for me, or could
tell me what I should say to him.
Col. Town. Say
nothing to him--apply yourself to his bag, his sword, his feather, his
snuff-box; and when you are well with them, desire him to lend you a
thousand pounds, and I'll engage you prosper.
Fash. 'Sdeath and
furies! why was that coxcomb thrust into the world before me? O
Fortune, Fortune, thou art a jilt, by Gad! [Exeunt.
SCENE II.--LORD FOPPINGTON'S Dressing-room.
Enter_ LORD
FOPPINGTON _in his dressing-gown, and LA
VAROLE.
Lord
Fop. [Aside.] Well,'tis an unspeakable
pleasure to be a man of
quality--strike me dumb! Even the boors of this northern spa have
learned the respect due to a title.-- [Aloud.] La Varole!
La Var.
Milor--
Lord Fop. You ha'n't yet been at Muddymoat Hall, to

announce my arrival, have you?
La Var. Not yet, milor.
Lord Fop.
Then you need not go till Saturday-[Exit
LA VAROLE] as I am in no
particular haste to view my intended sposa. I shall sacrifice a day or
two more to the pursuit of my friend Loveless's wife. Amanda is a
charming creature--strike me ugly! and, if I have any discernment in
the world, she thinks no less of my Lord Foppington.
Re-enter LA
VAROLE.
La Var. Milor, de shoemaker, de tailor, de hosier, de

sempstress, de peru, be all ready, if your lordship please to dress.

Lord Fop. 'Tis well, admit them.
La Var. Hey, messieurs, entrez!

Enter_ TAILOR, SHOEMAKER, SEMPSTRESS, JEWELLER, _and

MENDLEGS.
Lord Fop. So, gentlemen, I hope you have all taken
pains
to show yourselves masters in your professions?
Tai. I think I
may presume, sir--
La Var. Milor, you clown, you!
Tai. My lord--I
ask your lordship's--pardon, my lord. I
hope, my lord, your lordship
will be pleased to own I have
brought your lordship as accomplished
a suit of clothes as ever peer of England wore, my lord--will your
lordship please to view 'em now?
Lord Fop. Ay; but let my people
dispose the glasses so
that I may see myself before and behind; for I
love to see myself all round. [Puts on his clothes.]
Enter_ TOM
FASHION _and_ LORY. They remain behind,
conversing apart_.


Fash. Heyday! what the devil have we here? Sure my
gentleman's
grown a favourite at court, he has got so many people at his levee.

Lory. Sir, these people come in order to make him a
favourite at
court--they are to establish him with the ladies. Fash. Good Heaven! to
what an ebb of taste are women
fallen, that it should be in the power
of a laced coat to
recommend a gallant to them?
Lory. Sir, tailors
and hair-dressers debauch all the
women.
Fash. Thou sayest true.
But now for my reception.
Lord Fop. [To TAILOR.] Death and
eternal tortures!
Sir--I say the coat is too wide here by a foot.
Tai.
My lord, if it had been tighter, 'twould neither have hooked nor
buttoned.
Lord Fop. Rat the hooks and buttons, sir! Can any thing be
worse than this? As Gad shall jedge me, it hangs on my shoulders like a
chairman's surtout.
Tai. 'Tis not for me to dispute your lordship's
fancy.
Lory. There, sir, observe what respect does.
Fash. Respect!
damn him for a coxcomb!--But let's accost
him.--[Coming forward.]
Brother, I'm your humble servant. Lord Fop. O Lard, Tam! I did not
expect you in England.
--Brother, I'm glad to see you.--But what has
brought you to Scarborough, Tam!--[To the TAILOR.] Look you, sir, I

shall never be reconciled to this nauseous wrapping-gown,

therefore pray get me another suit with all possible expedition; for this
is my eternal aversion.--[Exit TAILOR.] Well
but, Tam, you don't tell
me what has driven you to Scarborough.-- Mrs. Calico,