Scarborough and the Critic | Page 5

be my?brother you speak of.?Mrs. Coup. Ha! stripling, how came you here? What, hast?spent all, eh? And art thou come to dun his lordship for?assistance??Fash. No, I want somebody's assistance to cut his?lordship's throat, without the risk of being hanged for him. Mrs. Coup. Egad, sirrah, I could help thee to do him?almost as good a turn, without the danger of being burned in the hand for't.?Fash. How--how, old Mischief??Mrs. Coup. Why, you must know I have done you the kindness to make up a match for your brother.?Fash. I am very much beholden to you, truly!?Mrs. Coup. You may be before the wedding-day, yet: the?lady is a great heiress, the match is concluded, the writings are drawn, and his lordship is come hither to put the finishing hand to the business.?Fash. I understand as much.?Mrs. Coup. Now, you must know, stripling, your brother's a knave.?Fash. Good.?Mrs. Coup. He has given me a bond of a thousand pounds for helping him to this fortune, and has promised me as much more, in ready money, upon the day of the marriage; which, I understand by a friend, he never designs to pay me; and his just now refusing to pay me a part is a proof of it. If, therefore, you will be a generous young rogue, and secure me five thousand pounds, I'll help you to the lady.?Fash. And how the devil wilt thou do that??Mrs. Coup. Without the devil's aid, I warrant thee. Thy?brother's face not one of the family ever saw; the whole business has been managed by me, and all his letters go through my hands. Sir Tunbelly Clumsy, my relation--for that's the old gentleman's name--is apprised of his lordship's being down here, and expects him to-morrow to receive his daughter's hand; but the peer, I find, means to bait here a few days longer, to recover the?fatigue of his journey, I suppose. Now you shall go to Muddymoat Hall in his place.--I'll give you a letter of introduction: and if you don't marry the girl before sunset, you deserve to be hanged before morning.?Fash. Agreed! agreed! and for thy reward--?Mrs. Coup. Well, well;--though I warrant thou hast not a?farthing of money in thy pocket now--no--one may see it in thy face.?Fash. Not a sous, by Jupiter!?Mrs. Coup. Must I advance, then? Well, be at my lodgings, next door, this evening, and I'll see what may be done--we'll sign and seal, and when I have given thee some further?instructions, thou shalt hoist sail and be one.?[Exit.]?Fash. So, Lory, Fortune, thou seest, at last takes care of merit! we are in a fair way to be great people.?Lory. Ay, sir, if the devil don't step between the cup and the lip, as he used to do.?Fash. Why, faith, he has played me many a damned trick to spoil my fortune; and, egad, I am almost afraid he's at work about it again now; but if I should tell thee how, thou'dst wonder at me.?Lory. Indeed, sir, I should not.?Fash. How dost know??Lory. Because, sir, I have wondered at you so often, I can wonder at you no more.?Fash. No! what wouldst thou say, if a qualm of conscience should spoil my design??Lory. I would eat my words, and wonder more than ever.?Fash. Why faith, Lory, though I have played many a roguish trick, this is so full-grown a cheat, I find I must take pains to come up to't--I have scruples.?Lory. They are strong symptoms of death. If you find they increase, sir, pray make your will.?Fash. No, my conscience shan't starve me neither: but thus far I'll listen to it. Before I execute this project, I'll try my brother to the bottom. If he has yet so much humanity about him as to assist me--though with a moderate aid--I'll drop my project at his feet, and show him how I can do for him much more than what I'd ask he'd do for me. This one conclusive trial of him I resolve to make.
Succeed or fail, still victory is my lot;?If I subdue his heart,'tis well--if not,?I will subdue my conscience to my plot.
[Exeunt.]
ACT II.
SCENE I.--LOVELESS'S Lodgings.?Enter_ LOVELESS _and AMANDA.?Love. How do you like these lodgings, my dear? For my?part, I am so pleased with them, I shall hardly remove whilst we stay here, if you are satisfied.?Aman. I am satisfied with everything that pleases you,?else I had not come to Scarborough at all.?Love. Oh, a little of the noise and folly of this place?will sweeten the pleasures of our retreat; we shall find the charms of our retirement doubled when we return to it.?Aman. That pleasing prospect will be my chiefest?entertainment, whilst, much against my will, I engage in those empty pleasures which 'tis so much the fashion to be fond of. Love. I own most