Scarborough and the Critic | Page 3

indeed; and, Loveless being too?careless and insensible of the treasure he possesses, my lodging in the same house has given me a thousand opportunities of making my assiduities acceptable; so that, in less than a fortnight, I began to bear my disappointment from the widow with the most Christian resignation.?Fash. And Berinthia has never appeared??Col. Town. Oh, there's the perplexity! for, just as I?began not to care whether I ever saw her again or not, last night she arrived.?Fash. And instantly resumed her empire.?Col. Town. No, faith--we met--but, the lady not?condescending to give me any serious reasons for having fooled me for a month, I left her in a huff.?Fash. Well, well, I'll answer for it she'll soon resume?her power, especially as friendship will prevent your pursuing the other too far.--But my coxcomb of a brother is an admirer of Amanda's too, is he??Col. Town. Yes, and I believe is most heartily despised by her. But come with me, and you shall see her and your old friend Loveless.?Fash. I must pay my respects to his lordship--perhaps you can direct me to his lodgings.?Col. Town. Come with me; I shall pass by it.?Fash. I wish you could pay this visit for me, or could?tell me what I should say to him.?Col. Town. Say nothing to him--apply yourself to his bag, his sword, his feather, his snuff-box; and when you are well with them, desire him to lend you a thousand pounds, and I'll engage you prosper.?Fash. 'Sdeath and furies! why was that coxcomb thrust into the world before me? O Fortune, Fortune, thou art a jilt, by Gad! [Exeunt.
SCENE II.--LORD FOPPINGTON'S Dressing-room.?Enter_ LORD FOPPINGTON _in his dressing-gown, and LA?VAROLE.?Lord Fop. [Aside.] Well,'tis an unspeakable?pleasure to be a man of quality--strike me dumb! Even the boors of this northern spa have learned the respect due to a title.-- [Aloud.] La Varole!?La Var. Milor--?Lord Fop. You ha'n't yet been at Muddymoat Hall, to?announce my arrival, have you??La Var. Not yet, milor.?Lord Fop. Then you need not go till Saturday-[Exit?LA VAROLE] as I am in no particular haste to view my intended sposa. I shall sacrifice a day or two more to the pursuit of my friend Loveless's wife. Amanda is a charming creature--strike me ugly! and, if I have any discernment in the world, she thinks no less of my Lord Foppington.?Re-enter LA VAROLE.?La Var. Milor, de shoemaker, de tailor, de hosier, de?sempstress, de peru, be all ready, if your lordship please to dress.?Lord Fop. 'Tis well, admit them.?La Var. Hey, messieurs, entrez!?Enter_ TAILOR, SHOEMAKER, SEMPSTRESS, JEWELLER, _and?MENDLEGS.?Lord Fop. So, gentlemen, I hope you have all taken pains?to show yourselves masters in your professions??Tai. I think I may presume, sir--?La Var. Milor, you clown, you!?Tai. My lord--I ask your lordship's--pardon, my lord. I?hope, my lord, your lordship will be pleased to own I have?brought your lordship as accomplished a suit of clothes as ever peer of England wore, my lord--will your lordship please to view 'em now??Lord Fop. Ay; but let my people dispose the glasses so?that I may see myself before and behind; for I love to see myself all round. [Puts on his clothes.]?Enter_ TOM FASHION _and_ LORY. They remain behind,?conversing apart_.?Fash. Heyday! what the devil have we here? Sure my?gentleman's grown a favourite at court, he has got so many people at his levee.?Lory. Sir, these people come in order to make him a?favourite at court--they are to establish him with the ladies. Fash. Good Heaven! to what an ebb of taste are women?fallen, that it should be in the power of a laced coat to?recommend a gallant to them??Lory. Sir, tailors and hair-dressers debauch all the?women.?Fash. Thou sayest true. But now for my reception.?Lord Fop. [To TAILOR.] Death and eternal tortures!?Sir--I say the coat is too wide here by a foot.?Tai. My lord, if it had been tighter, 'twould neither have hooked nor buttoned.?Lord Fop. Rat the hooks and buttons, sir! Can any thing be worse than this? As Gad shall jedge me, it hangs on my shoulders like a chairman's surtout.?Tai. 'Tis not for me to dispute your lordship's fancy.?Lory. There, sir, observe what respect does.?Fash. Respect! damn him for a coxcomb!--But let's accost?him.--[Coming forward.] Brother, I'm your humble servant. Lord Fop. O Lard, Tam! I did not expect you in England.?--Brother, I'm glad to see you.--But what has brought you to Scarborough, Tam!--[To the TAILOR.] Look you, sir, I?shall never be reconciled to this nauseous wrapping-gown,?therefore pray get me another suit with all possible expedition; for this is my eternal aversion.--[Exit TAILOR.] Well?but, Tam, you don't tell me what has driven you to Scarborough.-- Mrs. Calico, are not you of my mind??Semp. Directly, my lord.--I hope your lordship is pleased with your ruffles??Lord Fop. In love with them, stap my vitals!--Bring my?bill, you shall be paid