Satyricon, vol 2, Trimalchio | Page 4

Opimian, you
can take my word for that. I offered no such vintage yesterday, though
my guests were far more respectable." We were tippling away and
extolling all these elegant devices, when a slave brought in a silver
skeleton, so contrived that the joints and movable vertebra could be
turned in any direction. He threw it down upon the table a time or two,
and its mobile articulation caused it to assume grotesque attitudes,
whereupon Trimalchio chimed in:
"Poor man is nothing in the scheme of things And Orcus grips us and to
Hades flings Our bones! This skeleton before us here Is as important as
we ever were! Let's live then while we may and life is dear."
CHAPTER THE
THIRTY-FIFTH.
The applause was followed by a course which, by its oddity, drew
every eye, but it did not come up to our expectations. There was a
circular tray around which were displayed the signs of the zodiac, and
upon each sign the caterer had placed the food best in keeping with it.
Ram's vetches on Aries, a piece of beef on Taurus, kidneys and lamb's
fry on Gemini, a crown on Cancer, the womb of an unfarrowed sow on
Virgo, an African fig on Leo, on Libra a balance, one pan of which held
a tart and the other a cake, a small seafish on Scorpio, a bull's eye on
Sagittarius, a sea lobster on Capricornus, a goose on Aquarius and two
mullets on Pisces. In the middle lay a piece of cut sod upon which
rested a honeycomb with the grass arranged around it. An Egyptian
slave passed bread around from a silver oven and in a most discordant
voice twisted out a song in the manner of the mime in the musical farce
called Laserpitium. Seeing that we were rather depressed at the
prospect of busying ourselves with such vile fare, Trimalchio urged us
to fall to: "Let us fall to, gentlemen, I beg of you, this is only the
sauce!"
CHAPTER THE

THIRTY-SIXTH.
While he was speaking, four dancers ran in to the time of the music,
and removed the upper part of the tray. Beneath, on what seemed to be
another tray, we caught sight of stuffed capons and sows' bellies, and in
the middle, a hare equipped with wings to resemble Pegasus. At the
corners of the tray we also noted four figures of Marsyas and from their
bladders spouted a highly spiced sauce upon fish which were
swimming about as if in a tide-race. All of us echoed the applause
which was started by the servants, and fell to upon these exquisite
delicacies, with a laugh. "Carver," cried Trimalchio, no less delighted
with the artifice practised upon us, and the carver appeared
immediately. Timing his strokes to the beat of the music he cut up the
meat in such a fashion as to lead you to think that a gladiator was
fighting from a chariot to the accompaniment of a water-organ. Every
now and then Trimalchio would repeat "Carver, Carver," in a low voice,
until I finally came to the conclusion that some joke was meant in
repeating a word so frequently, so I did not scruple to question him
who reclined above me. As he had often experienced byplay of this sort
he explained, "You see that fellow who is carving the meat, don't you?
Well, his name is Carver. Whenever Trimalchio says Carver, carve her,
by the same word, he both calls and commands!"
CHAPTER THE
THIRTY-SEVENTH.
I could eat no more, so I turned to my whilom informant to learn as
much as I could and sought to draw him out with far-fetched gossip. I
inquired who that woman could be who was scurrying about hither and
yon in such a fashion. "She's called Fortunata," he replied. "She's the
wife of Trimalchio, and she measures her money by the peck. And only
a little while ago, what was she! May your genius pardon me, but you
would not have been willing to take a crust of bread from her hand.
Now, without rhyme or reason, she's in the seventh heaven and is
Trimalchio's factotum, so much so that he would believe her if she told
him it was dark when it was broad daylight! As for him, he don't know

how rich he is, but this harlot keeps an eye on everything and where
you least expect to find her, you're sure to run into her. She's temperate,
sober, full of good advice, and has many good qualities, but she has a
scolding tongue, a very magpie on a sofa, those she likes, she likes, but
those she dislikes, she dislikes! Trimalchio himself has estates as broad
as the flight of a kite is long, and piles of money. There's more