Routledges Manual of Etiquette | Page 5

The
question of morning and afternoon dress will be found fully treated in Section VII.
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IV.--CONVERSATION.
There is no conversation so graceful, so varied, so sparkling, as that of an intellectual and
cultivated woman. Excellence in this particular is, indeed, one of the attributes of the sex,
and should be cultivated by every gentlewoman who aspires to please in general society.
In order to talk well, three conditions are indisputable, namely--tact, a good memory, and
a fair education.
Remember that people take more interest in their own affairs than in anything else which
you can name. If you wish your conversation to be thoroughly agreeable, lead a mother to
talk of her children, a young lady of her last ball, an author of his forthcoming book, or
an artist of his exhibition picture. Having furnished the topic, you need only listen; and
you are sure to be thought not only agreeable, but thoroughly sensible and well-informed.
Be careful, however, on the other hand, not always to make a point of talking to persons
upon general matters relating to their professions. To show an interest in their immediate
concerns is flattering; but to converse with them too much about their own arts looks as if
you thought them ignorant of other topics.
Remember in conversation that a voice "gentle and low" is, above all other extraneous
acquirements, "an excellent thing in woman." There is a certain distinct but subdued tone
of voice which is peculiar to only well-bred persons. A loud voice is both disagreeable
and vulgar. It is better to err by the use of too low than too loud a tone.
Remember that all "slang" is vulgar. It has become of late unfortunately prevalent, and
we know many ladies who pride themselves on the saucy chique with which they adopt
certain Americanisms, and other cant phrases of the day. Such habits cannot be too
severely reprehended. They lower the tone of society and the standard of thought. It is a
great mistake to suppose that slang is in any way a substitute for wit.
The use of proverbs is equally vulgar in conversation; and puns, unless they rise to the
rank of witticisms, are to be scrupulously avoided. A lady-punster is a most unpleasing
phenomenon, and we would advise no young woman, however witty she may be, to
cultivate this kind of verbal talent.
Long arguments in general company, however entertaining to the disputants, are tiresome
to the last degree to all others. You should always endeavour to prevent the conversation
from dwelling too long upon one topic.
Religion is a topic which should never be introduced in society. It is the one subject on
which persons are most likely to differ, and least able to preserve temper.
Never interrupt a person who is speaking. It has been aptly said that "if you interrupt a
speaker in the middle of his sentence, you act almost as rudely as if, when walking with a
companion, you were to thrust yourself before him, and stop his progress."
To listen well is almost as great an art as to talk well. It is not enough only to listen. You

must endeavour to seem interested in the conversation of others.
It is considered extremely ill-bred when two persons whisper in society, or converse in a
language with which all present are not familiar. If you have private matters to discuss,
you should appoint a proper time and place to do so, without paying others the ill
compliment of excluding them from your conversation.
If a foreigner be one of the guests at a small party, and does not understand English
sufficiently to follow what is said, good breeding demands that the conversation shall be
carried on in his own language. If at a dinner-party, the same rule applies to those at his
end of the table.
If upon the entrance of a visitor you carry on the thread of a previous conversation, you
should briefly recapitulate to him what has been said before he arrived.
Do not be always witty, even though you should be so happily gifted as to need the
caution. To outshine others on every occasion is the surest road to unpopularity.
Always look, but never stare, at those with whom you converse.
In order to meet the general needs of conversation in society, it is necessary that a
gentlewoman should be acquainted with the current news and historical events of at least
the last few years.
Never talk upon subjects of which you know nothing, unless it be for the purpose of
acquiring information. Many young ladies imagine that because they play a little, sing a
little, draw a little, and frequent exhibitions and operas, they are qualified judges of art.
No mistake is more