Rogers-isms

Rogers-isms, the Cowboy
Philosopher on the
by Will
Rogers

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Philosopher on the
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Title: Rogers-isms, the Cowboy Philosopher on the Peace Conference
Author: Will Rogers
Release Date: February 11, 2007 [EBook #20566]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
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ROGERS-ISMS
The Cowboy Philosopher on The Peace Conference
By WILL ROGERS
[Illustration]
Frontispiece Portrait
[Illustration]
NEW YORK: HARPER & BROTHERS: PUBLISHERS

ROGERS-ISMS: THE COWBOY PHILOSOPHER ON THE PEACE
CONFERENCE
Copyright, 1919, by Harper & Brothers Printed in the United States of
America Published May, 1919

The Cowboy Philosopher on The Peace Conference

In the Five times I have appeared before President Wilson I have used
dozens of these same jokes, about him, And he has the best sense of
humor and is the best audience I ever played too, Which bears out the
theory I work on, That you can always joke about a big Man that is
really big, But dont ever kid about the little fellow that thinks he is
something, cause he will get sore Thats why hes little,
W. R.

ALIBI
There is no particular reason why I should horn in on you Public with a
Book, But thats just when they seem to write them, When theres no
need or reason for them,
The shorter white Paper gets the more careless these Pen Hounds get
with it,
All my friends advise me to go ahead Will and write it cause you wont
annoy people with it like these other Writers do with theirs, Nobody
will read yours
When a Guy has never grazed educationally any further than
McGuffeys fourth Reader his ravings aint liable to throw any jealous
scare into Literary Circles,
Grammar and I get along like a Russian and a BathTub,
In fact Americans are getting to dote too much on Grammar and Good
Manners, They say the most perfect English in this country is spoken in
Sing Sing, And at the Federal Prison in Atlanta, They claim a Knife
never touched a Lip, So you see where that junk leads you too,
I was going to write a Book on the War, But I heard some fellow had
already done it,
In fact I figure that the fellow who dont write on the war will be a
novelty, There is so many Books on the War that no two people will
have to read the same Book.
Then the War was too serious a subject I could not write on it, But the
Peace Feast, That seemed to offer a better field for Humor provided
you stick to the facts,
I have some inside facts procured from the most reliable source, And
as I dont want to see the World grow up in ignorance on this historical

subject I would really feel selfish and mean too withold it,
Heres how I got it, There is a fellow I know, Who had a friend, And
this friends Sister had a sweetheart and he was a Soldier in France and
his cousins pal was a Bunkie of Col Houses Chouffer, The Col told his
Chouffer So you see my information comes from the same place Pres
Wilsons does,
So Here Goes Under The Bottom With THE FIRST PEACE BOOK,

THE PEACE CONFERENCE
Of course this whole Peace Conference talk started from the time Pres
Wilson said to Germany "We wont deal with you as long as you
occupy invaded Territory." Well the Kaiser come right back at him and
said, "If you can show us how we can give it up any faster than we are I
wish you would do it,"
Now the Armistace was signed, and Germany agreed to quit running at
eleven oclock on a certain day,
Of course we got the word a couple of days before it was really signed,
Making everybody have TWO DRUNKS where one would have done
just as well,
It would have been signed on this first day But the German Generals
whom they sent out to sign up, had never been to the front and dident
know just where it was,
The Kaiser was on the verge at one time of visiting the western front
then he said, "No I will just wait a few days