Remarks | Page 8

he was greeted with surprise. He tried to pay his car-fare,

but found that he had left his money in his other clothes.
Some thought it was the revised statute of Hercules; that he had
become weary of standing on his pedestal during the hot weather, and
had started out for fresh air. I give this as I remember it. The story is
foundered on fact.
Archimedes once said: "Give me where I may stand, and I will move
the world." I could write it in the original Greek, but, fearing that the
nonpareil delirium tremens type might get short, I give it in the English
language.
It may be tardy justice to a great mathematician and scientist, but I have
a few resolutions of respect which I would be very glad to get printed
on this solemn occasion, and mail copies of the paper to his relatives
and friends:
"WHEREAS, It has pleased an All-wise Providence to remove from
our midst Archimedes, who was ever at the front in all deserving labors
and enterprises; and
"WHEREAS, We can but feebly express our great sorrow in the loss of
Archimedes, whose front name has escaped our memory; therefore
"Resolved, That in his death we have lost a leading citizen of Syracuse,
and one who never shook his friends--never weakened or gigged back
on those he loved.
"Resolved, That copies of these resolutions will be spread on the
moments of the meeting of the Common Council of Syracuse, and that
they be published in the Syracuse papers eodtfpdq&cod, and that
marked copies of said papers be mailed to the relatives of the
deceased."

To the President-Elect.
Dear Sir.--The painful duty of turning over to you the administration of

these United States and the key to the front door of the White House
has been assigned to me. You will find the key hanging inside the
storm-door, and the cistern-pole up stairs in the haymow of the barn. I
have made a great many suggestions to the outgoing administration
relative to the transfer of the Indian bureau from the department of the
Interior to that of the sweet by-and-by. The Indian, I may say, has been
a great source of annoyance to me, several of their number having
jumped one of my most valuable mining claims on White river. Still, I
do not complain of that. This mine, however, I am convinced would be
a good paying property if properly worked, and should you at any time
wish to take the regular army and such other help as you may need and
re-capture it from our red brothers, I would be glad to give you a
controlling interest in it.
[Illustration: A DEARTH OF SOAP IN THE LAUNDRY AND
BATH-ROOM.]
You will find all papers in their appropriate pigeon-holes, and a small
jar of cucumber pickles down cellar, which were left over and to which
you will be perfectly welcome. The asperities and heart burnings that
were the immediate result of a hot and unusually bitter campaign are
now all buried. Take these pickles and use them as though they were
your own. They are none too good for you. You deserve them. We may
differ politically, but that need not interfere with our warm personal
friendship.
You will observe on taking possession of the administration, that the
navy is a little bit weather-beaten and wormy. I would suggest that it be
newly painted in the spring. If it had been my good fortune to receive a
majority of the suffrages of the people for the office which you now
hold, I should have painted the navy red. Still, that need not influence
you in the course which you may see fit to adopt.
There are many affairs of great moment which I have not enumerated
in this brief letter, because I felt some little delicacy and timidity about
appearing to be at all dictatorial or officious about a matter wherein the
public might charge me with interference.

I hope you will receive the foregoing in a friendly spirit, and whatever
your convictions may be upon great questions of national interest,
either foreign or domestic, that you will not undertake to blow out the
gas on retiring, and that you will in other ways realize the fond
anticipations which are now cherished in your behalf by a mighty
people whose aggregated eye is now on to you.
Bill Nye.
P.S.--You will be a little surprised, no doubt, to find no soap in the
laundry or bath-rooms. It probably got into the campaign in some way
and was absorbed.
B.N.

Anatomy.
The word anatomy is derived from two Greek spatters and three
polywogs, which, when translated, signify "up through" and "to cut," so
that anatomy actually, when translated from the original wappy-jawed
Greek, means