Remarks | Page 4

me.
Mr. Webster's "Speller" was a work of less pretentions, perhaps, and
yet it had an immense sale. Eight years ago this book had reached a sale
of 40,000,000, and yet it had the same grave defect. It was
disconnected, cold, prosy and dull. I read it for years, and at last
became a close student of Mr. Webster's style, yet I never found but
one thing in this book, for which there seems to have been such a
perfect stampede, that was even ordinarily interesting, and that was a
little gem. It was so thrilling in its details, and so diametrically different
from Mr. Webster's style, that I have often wondered who he got to
write it for him. It related to the discovery of a boy by an elderly
gentleman, in the crotch of an ancestral apple tree, and the feeling of
bitterness and animosity that sprung up at the time between the boy and
the elderly gentleman.
Though I have been a close student of Mr. Webster for years, I am free
to say, and I do not wish to do an injustice to a great man in doing so,
that his ideas of literature and my own are entirely dissimilar. Possibly
his book has had a little larger sale than mine, but that makes no
difference. When I write a book it must engage the interest of the
reader, and show some plot to it. It must not be jerky in its style and
scattering in its statements.
I know it is a great temptation to write a book that will sell, but we
should have a higher object than that.
I do not wish to do an injustice to a man who has done so much for the
world, and one who could spell the longest word without hesitation, but
I speak of these things just as I would expect people to criticise my
work. If we aspire to monkey with the literati of our day we must
expect to be criticised. That's the way I look at it.
P.S.--I might also state that Noah Webster was a member of the
Legislature of Massachusetts at one time, and though I ought not to
throw it up to him at this date, I think it is nothing more than right that
the public should know the truth.

To Her Majesty.
To Queen Victoria, Regina Dei Gracia and acting mother-in-law on the
side:
Dear Madame.--Your most gracious majesty will no doubt be surprised
to hear from me after my long silence. One reason that I have not
written for some time is that I had hoped to see you ere this, and not
because I had grown cold. I desire to congratulate you at this time upon
your great success as a mother-in-law, and your very exemplary career
socially. As a queen you have given universal satisfaction, and your
family have married well.
[Illustration: ADVERTISING THE ENTERPRISE.]
But I desired more especially to write you in relation to another matter.
We are struggling here in America to establish an authors' international
copyright arrangement, whereby the authors of all civilized nations
may be protected in their rights to the profits of their literary labor, and
the movement so far has met with generous encouragement. As an
author we desire your aid and endorsement. Could you assist us? We
are giving this season a series of authors' readings in New York to aid
in prosecuting the work, and we would like to know whether we could
not depend upon you to take a part in these readings, rendering
selections from your late work.
I assure your most gracious majesty that you would meet some of our
best literary people while here, and no pains would be spared to make
your visit a pleasant one, aside from the reading itself. We would
advertise your appearance extensively and get out a first-class audience
on the occasion of your debut here.
[Illustration: QUEEN VIC. READING.]
An effort would be made to provide passes for yourself, and reduced
rates, I think, could be secured for yourself and suite at the hotels. Of
course you could do as you thought best about bringing suite, however.

Some of us travel with our suites and some do not. I generally leave my
suite at home, myself.
You would not need to make any special change as to costume for the
occasion. We try to make it informal, so far as possible, and though
some of us wear full dress we do not make that obligatory on those who
take a part in the exercises. If you decide to wear your every-day
reigning clothes it will not excite comment on the part of our literati.
We do not judge an author or authoress by his or her clothes.
You