Real Life In London, Volumes I and II | Page 6

milling: it was a principle he
had long laid down and strictly adhered to, that whatever tended to the
completion of that character, should be acquired to the very acmé of
perfection, without regard to ulterior consequences, or minor pursuits.
In an early stage, therefore, of his fashionable course of studies, the
whip became an object of careful solicitude; and after some private
tuition, he first exhibited his prowess about twice a week, on the box of
a Windsor stage, tipping coachy a crown for the indulgence and
improvement it afforded. Few could boast of being more fortunate
during a noviciate: two overturns only occurred in the whole course of
practice, and except the trifling accident of an old lady being killed, a
shoulder or two dislocated, and about half a dozen legs and arms
~8~~broken, belonging to people who were not at all known in high
life, nothing worthy of notice may be said to have happened on these
occasions. 'Tis true, some ill-natured remarks appeared in one of the
public papers, on the "conduct of coachmen entrusting the reins to
young practitioners, and thus endangering the lives of his majesty's
subjects;" but these passed off like other philanthropic suggestions of
the day, unheeded and forgotten.
The next advance of our hero was an important step. The mail-coach is
considered the school; its driver, the great master of the art--the Phidias
of the statuary--the Claude of the landscape-painter. To approach him
without preparatory instruction and study, would be like an attempt to
copy the former without a knowledge of anatomy, or the latter, while
ignorant of perspective. The standard of excellence--the model of
perfection, all that the highest ambition can attain, is to approach as
near as possible the original; to attempt a deviation, would be to bolt
out of the course, snap the curb, and run riot. Sensible of the
importance of his character, accustomed to hold the reins of arbitrary
power; and seated where will is law, the mail-whip carries in his

appearance all that may be expected from his elevated situation. Stern
and sedate in his manner, and given to taciturnity, he speaks
sententiously, or in monosyllables. If he passes on the road even an
humble follower of the profession, with four tidy ones in hand, he
views him with ineffable contempt, and would consider it an
irreparable disgrace to appear conscious of the proximity. Should it be
a country gentleman of large property and influence, and he held the
reins, and handled the whip with a knowledge of the art, so to "get over
the ground," coachy might, perhaps, notice him "en passant," by a
slight and familiar nod; but it is only the peer, or man of first-rate
sporting celebrity, that is honoured with any thing like a familiar mark
of approbation and acquaintance; and these, justly appreciating the
proud distinction, feel higher gratification by it than any thing the
monarch could bestow: it is an inclination of the head, not forward, in
the manner of a nod, but towards the off shoulder, accompanied with a
certain jerk and elevation from the opposite side. But here neither pen
nor pencil can depict; it belongs to him alone whose individual powers
can nightly keep the house ~9~~in a roar, to catch the living manner
and present it to the eye.
"----A merrier man
Within the limit of becoming mirth, I never spent an hour's talk withall:
His eye begets occasion for his wit; For every object that the one doth
catch The other turns to a mirth-moving jest."
And now, gentle reader, if the epithet means any thing, you cannot but
feel disposed to good humour and indulgence: Instead of rattling you
off, as was proposed at our last interview, and whirling you at the rate
of twelve miles an hour, exhausted with fatigue, and half dead in
pursuit of Life, we have proceeded gently along the road, amusing
ourselves by the way, rather with drawing than driving. 'Tis high time,
however, we made some little progress in our journey: "Come Bob,
take the reins--push on--keep moving--touch up the leader into a
hand-gallop--give Snarler his head--that's it my tight one, keep out of
the ruts--mind your quartering--not a gig, buggy, tandem, or tilbury,
have we yet seen on the road--what an infernal place for a human being

to inhabit!--curse me if I had not as lief emigrate to the back
settlements of America: one might find some novelty and amusement
there--I'd have the woods cleared--cut out some turnpike-roads, and,
like Palmer, start the first mail"----"Stop, Tom, don't set off yet to the
Illinois--here's something ahead, but what the devil it is I cant
guess--why it's a barge on wheels, and drove four-in-hand."--"Ha,
ha--barge indeed, Bob, you seem to know as much about coaches as
Snarler does of