Real Life In London, Volumes I and II | Page 5

he pass a life, or
rather a torpid existence, amid country bumpkins and Johnny-raws?
Forbid it all ye powers that rule with despotic sway where Life alone is

to be found,--forbid it cards--dice--balls--fashion, and ye gay et
coteras,--forbid"----"Pon my soul," interrupted Bob, "you have
frightened me to death! I thought you were beginning an Epic,--a thing
I abominate of all others. I had rather at any time follow the pack on a
foundered horse than read ten lines of Homer; so, my dear fellow,
descend for God's sake from the Heroics."
Calmly let me, at least, begin Life's chapter, Not panting for a hurricane
of rapture; Calm let me step--not riotous and jumping: With due
decorum, let my heart Try to perform a sober part, Not at the ribs be
ever bumping--bumping. Rapture's a charger--often breaks his girt,
Runs oft", and flings his rider in the dirt.
~5~~"However, it shall be so: adieu, my dear little roan
filly,--Snow-ball, good by,--my new patent double-barrelled
percussion--ah, I give you all up!--Order the tandem, my dear Tom,
whenever you please; whisk me up to the fairy scenes you have so
often and admirably described; and, above all things, take me as an
humble and docile pupil under your august auspices and tuition." Says
Tom, "thou reasonest well."
The rapidity with which great characters execute their determinations
has been often remarked by authors. The dashing tandem, with its
beautiful high-bred bits of blood, accompanied by two grooms on
horsebaek in splendid liveries, stood at the lodge-gate, and our heroes
had only to bid adieu to relatives and friends, and commence their rapid
career.
Before we start on this long journey of one hundred and eighty miles,
with the celerity which is unavoidable in modern travelling, it may be
prudent to ascertain that our readers are still in company, and that we
all start fairly together; otherwise, there is but little probability of our
ever meeting again on the journey;--so now to satisfy queries, remarks,
and animadversions.
"Why, Sir, I must say it is a new way of introducing a story, and
appears to me very irregular.--What! tumble your hero neck and heels
into the midst of a drunken fox-hunting party, and then carry him off

from his paternal estate, without even noticing his ancestors, relatives,
friends, connexions, or prospects--without any description of romantic
scenery on the estate--without so much as an allusion to the female who
first kindled in his breast the tender passion, or a detail of those
incidents with which it is usually connected!--a strange, very strange
way indeed this of commencing."
"My dear Sir, I agree with you as to the deviation from customary rules:
but allow me to ask,--is not one common object--amusement, all we
have in view? Suppose then, by way of illustration, you were desirous
of arriving at a given place or object, to which there were several roads,
and having traversed one of these till the monotony of the scene had
rendered every object upon it dull and wearisome, would you quarrel
with the traveller who pointed out another road, merely because it was
a new one? Considering the impatience of our young friends, the one to
return to scenes in which alone he can ~6~~live, and the other to realize
ideal dreams of happiness, painted in all the glowing tints that a warm
imagination and youthful fancy can pourtray, it will be impossible
longer to continue the argument. Let me, therefore, entreat you to cut it
short--accompany us in our rapid pursuit after Life in London; nor risk
for the sake of a little peevish criticism, the cruel reflection, that by a
refusal, you would, probably, be in at the death of the Author--by
Starvation."
CHAPTER II
"The panting steed the hero's empire feel, Who sits triumphant o'er the
flying wheel, And as he guides it through th' admiring throng, With
what an air he holds the reins, and smacks the silken thong!"
ORDINARY minds, in viewing distant objects, first see the obstacles
that intervene, magnify the difficulty of surmounting them, and sit
down in despair. The man of genius with his mind's-eye pointed
steadfastly, like the needle towards the pole, on the object of his
ambition, meets and conquers every difficulty in detail, and the mass
dissolves before him as the mountain snow yields, drop by drop, to the
progressive but invincible operation of the solar beam. Our honourable

friend was well aware that a perfect knowledge of the art of driving,
and the character of a "first-rate whip," were objects worthy his
ambition; and that, to hold four-in-hand--turn a corner in style--handle
the reins in form--take a fly off the tip of his leader's ear--square the
elbows, and keep the wrists pliant, were matters as essential to the
formation of a man of fashion as dice or