Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 04, April 23, 1870 | Page 9

"gentleman and wife" could be
made available in lieu of washing and ironing; while, on the other hand,
the idea of serving up a "gentleman and wife" as "board," suggests the
horrible idea that cannibalism is practised in New-Jersey. With regard
to the terms, "$6 per week" seems to be reasonable enough, though
how "two single ladies" can be made legal tender for six dollars is
absolutely maddening to the mind, inasmuch as average spinsters are
far more apt to be tough than tender.
* * * * *
True.
The World moves with the Sun.
* * * * *
Classic Grease.
A Paris grocer ornaments his shop-windows with a bust of
ROCHEFORT, done in lard, with prunes for eyes. After this, let us hear
no more of the sculptures of classic Greece. But why prunes? Why, to
signify that after the funeral of VICTOR NOIR he dried his eyes.
* * * * *

A Little Berlin Game.
Bismarck has sent Herr SILK to Pekin, to wind himself around the
Celestial emperor's heart, and also to make a cocoon for the Tycoon of
Japan, after worming himself into his affections. Perhaps, for being
such a darin' man, he may be made a mandarin!
* * * * *
A NOTARY'S PROTEST.
MR. PUNCHINELLO: I protest against certain annoyances to which a
man in my office is subjected. Whereby it must be understood that I
refer to myself and my official position, not to the nine by twelve
apartment where the wicked and perverse can always find my sign
without much seeking.
The drift of all this is, that I refer to Bores. It is not new, I know; if it
were, a New Sense might be shown by telling whether it came from me
originally. I believe that in all walks of life man's inhumanity to man is
mainly manifested by boring. Sometimes this is said to have been done
in past time, because the greatest "blower" known to the ancients was
called Old Bore as we know, and POLYPHEMUS complained of
having been bored by ULYSSES.
Let not the patient reader be alarmed now; for I am of a retiring
disposition, and am here indisposed to tire by dilating upon a class of
people who always Die Late enough of themselves. But I will say that
the worst bores with which a notary has to deal, are those who come to
swear, (and go out sworn,) and who either forget to pay or haven't the
change to pay right. Several such patronize me--changelessly.
Singularly enough, all hail from Boston, so that it is no wonder that I
cry, All hail, Boston! Here comes General X------, who swears and
tenders me an X, and asks for change. Then I swear myself, and say,
with HAMLET, that I will change that word with him; whereupon he
puts the bill in his pocket and goes _da mit,_ which conduct is both
Germain to the transaction and Dutch to me. Again, enters Mr.
KOPPER, affably takes an affidavit, and finds, to his grief and

astonishment, that he has but eleven cents in his pocket. Of course, he
has coppered and won. But why--tell me why, could he not have given
me the sentiment, which I had a right to expect from him? He bears the
stamp of a bad Kopper; a regular old Nick, and has done that
unbecoming thing so often that it is becoming monotonous And
General X------ and Mr. K------ are types of a large class who come
before me to take acknowledgments and the like, for whom I have no
liking; who may as well acknowledge now, severally each for himself,
(the aforesaid Nick being for all of them,) that they do take the same,
and then, like men shunning fees, go without mentioning fees once,
which is surely misfeasance, in the eye of the law. The Dues take them;
why should men of means be so mean?
Then there is the man who stays; who is always the coming man, but
never the going one. And there is the beggar woman, who enters my
office like a ghost, and is a very great bore indeed. But of course
beggars are bores of which every office has plenty. Every body knows
these characters, however, and owes them too--one, at least, does. Well,
it is hard that because a man is bored dead at his boarding-house he
can't have peace in his office, and so I have made my protest against
the bores, as I said I would. --A NOTARY.
* * * * *
A War of Castes.
The Michigan University has been unsuccessful in its search for a
President, as it has not offered enough to induce acceptance on the part
of those to whom it has tendered