Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 04, April 23, 1870 | Page 8

upon them here.
We proceed to the concluding verse.
The descriptive part of the narrative is ended, and we naturally expect a
catastrophe in the denouement. We may at least suppose that HORNER
made himself sick, if he did not actually choke to death from one of the

plums he was voraciously eating. By no means. We are spared so
painful a recital. All we know is, that he made a remark, evidently in
soliloquy,
"And said, 'What a good boy am I!'"
This concluding line, pointless as it may appear, partially clears up the
mystery as to his being in a corner. He certainly was not there for
misdemeanor; for he was a "good boy," at least in his own estimation.
What a happy faculty it is, in this world, for a man to have a good
opinion of himself! It relieves life of much of its bitterness. We thus
perceive that, while JACK was tasting the sweets of a Christmas-pie,
he was also enjoying the sweets of self-contentment.
As we have seen, JACK HORNER is an historical personage;
Christmas-pies are historical; and dainties with plums are historical.
JACK was an old man, doubtless, when our great-grandmothers were
very young--certainly before the war. The world has had full
opportunity to profit by his virtuous example. Numberless little boys
have been quieted to sleep by the rhyme of JACK HORNER
judiciously applied, and numberless little ones, clamorous for more
pudding and enlarged privileges at the dinner-table, owe the success of
their appeals to this same HORNER. The moral, which runs all through
the narrative, is one by which the world may profit, and should. It la a
good thing; but like a great many things that are good, in the sense in
which we use the word, not relished. We much fear that the ancient, the
historical JACK, is extinct. He was a moderate JACK. He only put in
his thumb, when he might as well have put in his whole hand. The
latter-day JACK is the representative of a numerous class possessing
larger capacity and a greater dynamic capability. His pie is larger--has
more and bigger plums. When we contrast the present JACK with the
past, we blush for the comparison. When we encounter him in civic
office or in the revenue service, we tremble for the plums. He is
grasping, remorseless, ambitious. The old JACK was satisfied to sit in
his corner and eat his pie; but this one seeks a pie of dimensions so
extravagant as to fill the remotest corners of the globe; and, what is
worse, he is--any thing but a Good Boy!

* * * * *
A Voice from "the Hub."
A GRATULATORY Bostonian writes us that PUNCHINELLO'S voice
(a Great Organ, truly) has reached the "Hub," and actually silenced the
Great Organ of that pleasant rural town. So far, good; but he adds that
Massachusetts takes umbrage at the first syllable of our name, on
account of its being at variance with the prohibitory law of that pleasant
but Puritanical State. Certainly, in a moral point of view, it is better to
be in a Puritanical State than in a State of Punch; but Massachusetts, it
is said, is very sly about the liquor business, and takes her "nips,"
regularly, behind the door. This may account, probably, for the
"nipping air" by which so many of her denizens are characterized. The
Bostonian further states of the inhabitants of the "Hub," that "liquor
finds little favor in their eyes." Now, we are acquainted with three
thousand four hundred and seventy-three Bostonians of the most solid
"stripe," and we never yet knew one of them put liquor in his eye,
wherever else he might stow it. That the great Boston I may be partially
the result of liquor, is admissible; but then no true Bostonian would call
it liquor, you see--he would call it I water.
* * * * *
Why, Oh! Why?
Why has NAPOLEON III. a very salty taste just now? Because he
prefers his hash with THIERS and without GRÈVY.
* * * * *
An Established Fact.
The British Association have received £1055 toward a practical and
comprehensive inquiry into the utilization of sewage. Bless your British
associated hearts! The Herald has demonstrated that long ago--made
editorials of it.

* * * * *
Rather Mixed.
The Jersey City Journal of April 1st, (appropriate date,) contains the
following advertisement:
"A few gentlemen can be accommodated with good board, washing,
and ironing; or a gentleman and wife. Terms, $6 per week; or two
single ladies. Apply at --, corner of Newark avenue."
According to this advertisement, it appears that in Jersey a "gentleman
and wife" are legal substitutes for "board, washing, and ironing." Now,
it is bewildering to think how on earth a