Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 04, April 23, 1870 | Page 9

Greece. But why prunes? Why, to signify that after the funeral of VICTOR NOIR he dried his eyes.
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A Little Berlin Game.
Bismarck has sent Herr SILK to Pekin, to wind himself around the Celestial emperor's heart, and also to make a cocoon for the Tycoon of Japan, after worming himself into his affections. Perhaps, for being such a darin' man, he may be made a mandarin!
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A NOTARY'S PROTEST.
MR. PUNCHINELLO: I protest against certain annoyances to which a man in my office is subjected. Whereby it must be understood that I refer to myself and my official position, not to the nine by twelve apartment where the wicked and perverse can always find my sign without much seeking.
The drift of all this is, that I refer to Bores. It is not new, I know; if it were, a New Sense might be shown by telling whether it came from me originally. I believe that in all walks of life man's inhumanity to man is mainly manifested by boring. Sometimes this is said to have been done in past time, because the greatest "blower" known to the ancients was called Old Bore as we know, and POLYPHEMUS complained of having been bored by ULYSSES.
Let not the patient reader be alarmed now; for I am of a retiring disposition, and am here indisposed to tire by dilating upon a class of people who always Die Late enough of themselves. But I will say that the worst bores with which a notary has to deal, are those who come to swear, (and go out sworn,) and who either forget to pay or haven't the change to pay right. Several such patronize me--changelessly. Singularly enough, all hail from Boston, so that it is no wonder that I cry, All hail, Boston! Here comes General X------, who swears and tenders me an X, and asks for change. Then I swear myself, and say, with HAMLET, that I will change that word with him; whereupon he puts the bill in his pocket and goes _da mit,_ which conduct is both Germain to the transaction and Dutch to me. Again, enters Mr. KOPPER, affably takes an affidavit, and finds, to his grief and astonishment, that he has but eleven cents in his pocket. Of course, he has coppered and won. But why--tell me why, could he not have given me the sentiment, which I had a right to expect from him? He bears the stamp of a bad Kopper; a regular old Nick, and has done that unbecoming thing so often that it is becoming monotonous And General X------ and Mr. K------ are types of a large class who come before me to take acknowledgments and the like, for whom I have no liking; who may as well acknowledge now, severally each for himself, (the aforesaid Nick being for all of them,) that they do take the same, and then, like men shunning fees, go without mentioning fees once, which is surely misfeasance, in the eye of the law. The Dues take them; why should men of means be so mean?
Then there is the man who stays; who is always the coming man, but never the going one. And there is the beggar woman, who enters my office like a ghost, and is a very great bore indeed. But of course beggars are bores of which every office has plenty. Every body knows these characters, however, and owes them too--one, at least, does. Well, it is hard that because a man is bored dead at his boarding-house he can't have peace in his office, and so I have made my protest against the bores, as I said I would. --A NOTARY.
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A War of Castes.
The Michigan University has been unsuccessful in its search for a President, as it has not offered enough to induce acceptance on the part of those to whom it has tendered the honor. It seems to be a case where the Hire and Lore classes come in conflict.
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An Old Story, even Here.
The papers tell of a dog-race which is to take place at San Francisco, and some of them add that a dog-race is a common thing in England, but a novelty here; as if the canine Race were something new in America!
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Shock-ing Intelligence.
Another earthquake in San Francisco.
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[Illustration: SUN-STRUCK.
SHOWING HOW PARSEE DANA WORSHIPS HIS LUMINARY.]
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PUNCHINELLO ON THE JURY.
PUNCHINELLO has been summoned on the jury. He is asked to try a murderer. PUNCHINELLO is kind-hearted. He wishes neither to put himself in suspense in a jury-box, nor a murderer so in a sheriff's box that the murderer shall finally be put in suspense. PUNCHINELLO is to be asked whether