Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 04, April 23, 1870 | Page 8

boy," at least in his own estimation. What a happy faculty it is, in this world, for a man to have a good opinion of himself! It relieves life of much of its bitterness. We thus perceive that, while JACK was tasting the sweets of a Christmas-pie, he was also enjoying the sweets of self-contentment.
As we have seen, JACK HORNER is an historical personage; Christmas-pies are historical; and dainties with plums are historical. JACK was an old man, doubtless, when our great-grandmothers were very young--certainly before the war. The world has had full opportunity to profit by his virtuous example. Numberless little boys have been quieted to sleep by the rhyme of JACK HORNER judiciously applied, and numberless little ones, clamorous for more pudding and enlarged privileges at the dinner-table, owe the success of their appeals to this same HORNER. The moral, which runs all through the narrative, is one by which the world may profit, and should. It la a good thing; but like a great many things that are good, in the sense in which we use the word, not relished. We much fear that the ancient, the historical JACK, is extinct. He was a moderate JACK. He only put in his thumb, when he might as well have put in his whole hand. The latter-day JACK is the representative of a numerous class possessing larger capacity and a greater dynamic capability. His pie is larger--has more and bigger plums. When we contrast the present JACK with the past, we blush for the comparison. When we encounter him in civic office or in the revenue service, we tremble for the plums. He is grasping, remorseless, ambitious. The old JACK was satisfied to sit in his corner and eat his pie; but this one seeks a pie of dimensions so extravagant as to fill the remotest corners of the globe; and, what is worse, he is--any thing but a Good Boy!
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A Voice from "the Hub."
A GRATULATORY Bostonian writes us that PUNCHINELLO'S voice (a Great Organ, truly) has reached the "Hub," and actually silenced the Great Organ of that pleasant rural town. So far, good; but he adds that Massachusetts takes umbrage at the first syllable of our name, on account of its being at variance with the prohibitory law of that pleasant but Puritanical State. Certainly, in a moral point of view, it is better to be in a Puritanical State than in a State of Punch; but Massachusetts, it is said, is very sly about the liquor business, and takes her "nips," regularly, behind the door. This may account, probably, for the "nipping air" by which so many of her denizens are characterized. The Bostonian further states of the inhabitants of the "Hub," that "liquor finds little favor in their eyes." Now, we are acquainted with three thousand four hundred and seventy-three Bostonians of the most solid "stripe," and we never yet knew one of them put liquor in his eye, wherever else he might stow it. That the great Boston I may be partially the result of liquor, is admissible; but then no true Bostonian would call it liquor, you see--he would call it I water.
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Why, Oh! Why?
Why has NAPOLEON III. a very salty taste just now? Because he prefers his hash with THIERS and without GRèVY.
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An Established Fact.
The British Association have received ￡1055 toward a practical and comprehensive inquiry into the utilization of sewage. Bless your British associated hearts! The Herald has demonstrated that long ago--made editorials of it.
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Rather Mixed.
The Jersey City Journal of April 1st, (appropriate date,) contains the following advertisement:
"A few gentlemen can be accommodated with good board, washing, and ironing; or a gentleman and wife. Terms, $6 per week; or two single ladies. Apply at --, corner of Newark avenue."
According to this advertisement, it appears that in Jersey a "gentleman and wife" are legal substitutes for "board, washing, and ironing." Now, it is bewildering to think how on earth a "gentleman and wife" could be made available in lieu of washing and ironing; while, on the other hand, the idea of serving up a "gentleman and wife" as "board," suggests the horrible idea that cannibalism is practised in New-Jersey. With regard to the terms, "$6 per week" seems to be reasonable enough, though how "two single ladies" can be made legal tender for six dollars is absolutely maddening to the mind, inasmuch as average spinsters are far more apt to be tough than tender.
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True.
The World moves with the Sun.
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Classic Grease.
A Paris grocer ornaments his shop-windows with a bust of ROCHEFORT, done in lard, with prunes for eyes. After this, let us hear no more of the sculptures of classic