Punch, or the London Charivari | Page 4

then one day I remembered suddenly.
"The miniature," I said; "did you get it done?"
"Yes," said Celia quietly.
"Have you got it here?"
"Yes."
"Oh, I say, do let me see it."
Celia hesitated.
"I think we had better wait till you are a little stronger," she said very gently.
"Is it so very beautiful?"
"Well--"
"So beautiful that it almost hurts? Celia, dear, let me risk it," I pleaded.
She fetched it and gave it to me. I gazed at it a long time.
"Who is it?" I asked at last.
"I don't know, dear."
"Is it like anybody we know?"
"I think it's meant to be like _you_, darling," said Celia tenderly, trying to break it to me.
I gazed at it again.
"Would you get me a glass?" I asked her.
"A looking-glass, or with brandy and things in it?"
"Both ... Thank you. Promise me I don't look like this."
"You don't," she said soothingly.
"Then why didn't you tell the artist so and ask him to rub it out and do it again?"
Celia sighed.
"He has. The last was his third rubbige."
Then another thing struck me.
"I thought you weren't going to have it in uniform?"
"I didn't at first. But we've been trying it in different costumes since to--to ease the face a little. It looked awful in mufti. Like a--a--"
"Go on," I said, nerving myself to it.
"Like an uneasy choir-boy. I think I shall send it back again and ask him to put it in a surplice."
"Yes, but why should my wife dangle a beneficed member of the Established Church of England round her neck? What proud prelate--"
"Choir-boy, darling. You're thinking of bishops."
As it happened my thoughts were not at all episcopal. On the contrary, I looked at the miniature again, and I looked at myself in the glass, and I said firmly that the thing must go back a fourth time.
"You can't wear it. People would come and ask you who it was and you couldn't tell them. You'd have to keep it locked up, and what's the good of that?"
"I _can't_ write again," said Celia. "Poor man! Think of the trouble he's had. Besides I've got you back now. It was really just to remind me of you."
"Yes, but I shall frequently be out to tea. You'd better have it done properly now."
Celia was thoughtful. She began composing in her mind that fourth letter ... and frowning.
"I know," she cried suddenly. "You write this time!"
It was my turn to be thoughtful....
"I don't see it. How do I come in? What is my _locus standi? Locus standi_," I explained in answer to her raised eyebrows, "an oath in common use among our Italian allies, meaning--What do I write as?"
"As the owner of the face," said Celia in surprise.
"Yes, but I can't dilate on my own face."
"Why not?" said Celia, bubbling. "You know you'd love it."
I looked at the miniature and began to think of possible openings. One impossible one struck me at once.
"Anyway," I said, "I'll get him to close my mouth."
* * * * *
The stars represent something quite simple this time--my brain at work.
"Celia," I said, "I will write. And this time the miniature shall be criticised properly. To say, as you no doubt said, 'This is not like me,' I mean not like my husband--well, you know what I mean--just to condemn it is not enough. I shall do it differently. I shall take each feature separately and dwell upon it. But to do this modestly I must have a _locus_--I am sorry to have to borrow from our Italian allies again--a locus standi apart from that of owner of face. I must also be donor of miniature. Then I can comment impartially on the present which I am preparing for you."
"I thought you'd see that soon," smiled Celia.
A.A.M.
* * * * *
[Illustration r30/075th: Recruiting Sergeant. "WHAT ARE YOU FOR?"
Recruit. "FOR THE DURATION OF THE WAR, OR LONGER IF IT DOESN'T END SOONER."]
* * * * *
FASHIONS IN BOOK-WEAR.
["Rose of Glenconnel. A first book by Mrs. Patrick MacGill, telling of the adventures in the Yukon and elsewhere of Rosalie Moran. With coloured jacket. Price 5s. net."
_Advt. in "Times Literary Supplement_."]
Extract from "Belle's Letters":--"Other smart books I noticed included Mrs. BARCLAY'S _Sweet Seventy-one_, looking radiantly young and lovely in a simple rose-pink frock embellished with rosebuds, and Mr. CHARLES GARVICE'S _Marriage Bells_, utterly charming in ivory satin trimmed with orange blossom. On another shelf I saw Mr. KIPLING'S _The Horse Marines_, looking well in a smartly-cut navy blue costume with white facings, and not far away was Mr. ARNOLD BENNETT'S _Straphanger_, in smoked terra-cotta, and the pocket edition of DICKENS in Mrs. Harris Tweed. Mr. Britling's new book, _Mr. Wells Sees it Through the Press_, was looking rather dowdy in a ready-made Norfolk jacket, but Mr. and Mrs. WILLIAMSON'S The Petrol Peeress was very chic in a delightfully-cut oil-silk wrap; and so was