Punch, or The London Charivari | Page 3

way he brought smoke out o' them clays!
_The C.C._ (to his Friend.) That was a lark, JIM! But look 'ere--don't you go tellin' the Missus; she ain't on the Me'atmer lay--not _much_, she ain't!
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[Illustration: HONOURS EASY.
_Sir E.L._ (_gaily_). "BARONETTED? OF COURSE, MY BOY--RIGHT THING TO DO! THANKS. TA-TA!" [_Careers away, to keep up his circulation._
_Mr. P._ "AND _YOU_, MR. LABBY?"
_H.L._ (_languidly_). "OH--AH--AS FOR _ME_--I'M OUT OF IT--THAT'S THE TRUTH."]
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WOT CHER, LABBY?
["Mr. LABOUCHERE, so he says, has come to London to enjoy the smiles of the new Ministry."--Morning Paper.]
Enjoy them, dear LABBY, smile back, if you can-- Though your lip has a curl that portends something sinister-- It is painful, I take it, to flash in the pan, While a rival goes off with a bang as a Minister.
But you (you're a cynic, that's one of the ways, And by no means the worst, to get credit for kindness), You can smile at this struggle for titles and praise, You can laugh at your friends while you envy their blindness.
A time, so I fancy you saying, will come; They are not done with LABBY, for all their sweet smiling; And they're vastly mistaken who think he'll be dumb, Or abandon his amiable habit of riling.
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"GREAT SCOTT!"--_Mr. Punch's_ congratulations to the new Bart. of Scott's Bank, Cavendish Square, with the classic name of HORACE. His friends will be able to adapt MACAULAY's lines, and tell--
"How well HORATIUS kept the Bank, In the brave days of old."
Of course, be it understood that "keeping the Bank" has nothing whatever to do with Monte Carlo, or with any game of speculation. _Ad multos annos!_ And to adapt again--
"On HORACE's head Honours accumulate!"
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BALFOUR AND SALISBURY.--The late Government couldn't help having a good dash of spirit in it, seeing it was a "B. and S." mixture. Now, "B. and S."--off! Vide _Mr. Punch's_ Cartoon this week.
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[Illustration: NEVER SATISFIED.
_Grumpy Husband._ "HOW BADLY INFORMED NEWSPAPERS ARE! WHY, HERE THEY SAY, 'SIR THOMAS GRIMSBY ENTERTAINED US AND A NUMBER OF OTHERS AT DINNER LAST NIGHT!' ENTERTAINED! WHY, I NEVER WAS SO BORED IN MY LIFE!"]
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IN OFFICE WITH THE LABOUR VOTE.
(_HOW TO DEAL WITH AN AWKWARD MATTER, ACCORDING TO PRECEDENT._)
SCENE--_A Smoking-Room and Lounge. Eminent Statesman discovered filling a pipe. Private Secretary in attendance._
_Em. S._ Now I think all's ready to begin. Mind, my lad, and have the tea and decanters in readiness when I ring for them. Enough chairs?
_Pri. Sec._ Only half-a-dozen expected, Sir; so I thought if I got six that would be enough.
_Em. S._ Quite so. And now, my dear fellow, show in the Deputation.
[_Private Secretary opens door, when enter several Workmen in their Sunday best, headed by Fussy M.P._
_Fussy M.P._ (_with effusion_). My dear Sir, this is a great pleasure. I hope I see you well. (_Shakes the hand of Eminent Statesman with profuse cordiality._) And now, if you will allow me, I will introduce these Delegates. It would have pleased them better if they could have had an Autumn Session, but they are quite prepared to be satisfied with an interview, as it is in the Recess. (_Speaking in the soft tones of the House at Westminster._) Sir! My Right Hon. Friend! It is my privilege as well as my duty--a most pleasant one--to introduce what I may aptly declare to be the most representative body of men it has ever been my good fortune to meet. I, my dear Sir--
_Em. S._ (_interrupting_). Thank you very much, but I fancy we can get on better by talking it over quietly. It's very hot, so if you don't mind, I will take off my coat and sit in my shirt-sleeves.
[Illustration]
[_Removes his coat._
_Fussy. M.P._ (_taken aback_). My dear Sir!
Members of the Deputation. Thankee, Sir! We'll follow suit.
[_They remove their coats._
_Em. S._ Now you would like to smoke? Well, my Private Secretary will hand round cigars, cigarettes, and tobacco. Don't be shy, Consider my house Liberty Hall. Well, tell me--what's it all about?
_First Mem. of Dep._ (_pointing to Fussy M.P._) Why he said as how he would do all the speaking.
_Em. S._ Very likely, and do it (_bowing to him_) very well. But I would far rather that you should speak for yourselves. Come let us meet as old friends. Now--what do you want?
_Second Mem. of Dep._ Why, Sir, if you put it in that pleasant way, I may say, payment for hours of labour put in by some one else.
_Em. S._ Yes, very good. Capital notion. But how are you to manage it?
_Third Mem. of Dep._ (_roughly_). That's your business, and not ours. We tell you what we want, and you have to carry out our wishes.
_Em. S._ (_smiling_). You mean the wishes of your