Punch, or The London Charivari | Page 6

everything to get there.
_Culch._ I will undertake to interest him in Nuremberg. Fortunately, we are all getting off at Bingen, and going, curiously enough, to the same hotel. (To himself.) Confound that fellow PODBURY, here he is _again_!
_Podb._ (_to himself, as he advances_). If she's carrying on with that fellow, CULCHARD, to provoke me, I'll soon show her how little I--(_Aloud._) I say, old man, hope I'm not interrupting you, but I just want to speak to you for a minute, if Miss TROTTER will excuse us. Is there any particular point in going as far as Bingen to-night, eh?
_Culch._ (_resignedly_). As much as there is in not going farther than somewhere else, I should have thought.
_Podb._ Well, but look here--why not stop at Bacharach, and see what sort of a place it is?
_Culch._ You forget that our time is limited if we're going to stick to our original route.
_Podb._ Yes, of course; mustn't waste any on the Rhine. Suppose we push on to Maintz to-night, and get the Rhine off our hands then? (_With a glance at Miss TROTTER._) The sooner I've done with this steamer business the better!
_Miss T._ Well, Mr. PODBURY, that's not a vurry complimentary remark to make before me!
_Podb._ We've seen so little of one another lately that it can hardly make much difference--to either of us--can it?
_Miss T._ Now I call that real kind, you're consoling me in advance!
The Steward (_coming up_). De dickets dat I haf nod yed seen! (examining CULCHARD's _coupons_). For Bingen--so?
_Culch. I_ am. This gentleman gets off--is it Bacharach or Maintz, PODBURY?
_Podb._ (_sulkily_). Neither, as it happens. I'm for Bingen, too, as you won't go anywhere else. Though you did say when we started, that the advantage of travelling like this was that we could go on or stop just as the fancy took us!
_Culch._ (_calmly_). I did, my dear PODBURY. But it never occurred to me that the fancy would take you to get tired of a place before you got there!
_Podb._ (_as he walks forwards_). Hang that fellow! I know I shall punch his head some day. And She didn't seem to care whether I stayed or not. (_Hopefully._) But you never can tell with women!
[_He returns to his camp-stool and the letter-reading Old Ladies._
* * * * *
A SONG IN SEASON.
'Twas the autumn time, dear love, The English autumn weather; And, oh, it was sweet, it was hard to beat As we sailed that day together! It was cold when we started out, As we noted with sad surprise; And the tip of your nose was as blue, I suppose, As the blue of your dear, dear eyes.
We sailed to Hampton Court, And the sun had burnt us black; Then we dodged a shower for the half of an hour, And then we skated back; Till the weather grew depressed At the shifting state of its luck, And the glass, set fair, gave it up in despair, And much of the lightning struck.
We sat on the bank in the storm, In the steady fall of the snow, In the stinging hail and the howling gale, And the scorching sun, you know; We sat in it all--yes, all! We cared for no kind of weather-- What made us so mad was the fact that we had The whole of the kinds together.
* * * * *
ROBERT'S FUTURE.
My kind Amerrycain aquaintance--I musn't call him frend tho' he is so werry free and social with me, for I hopes I knos my propper place--has giwen me a long acount of his week at Brighton. It seems as he was in grate luck, for it was Brighton Race Week, and he is good enuff to say that, whatever diffrent opinyons the men of other countries may find in regard to the warious customs and manners of our grate but rayther rum nashun, they all agrees, with one acord, that a English race-course is the prettyest and nicest thing of the sort that the hole world can show. I rayther thinks as he dropt his money there, but it couldn't have bin werry much, for it didn't have the least effeck on his good temper. It seems as he got interdooced to some sillybrated pusson who rites in papers and seemed to kno everythink, but wot he wanted to kno was if I coud tell him what caused his werry bad indijeshun, to which I at once replied, without a moment's hesitashun, that it was probberbly owing to his being, wich he told me he was, a sort of relashun of a real Common Councilman of the Grand old Citty of London! at which he larfed quite hartily and said, "Bravo, Mr. ROBERT, that's one to you!"
[Illustration]
He arterwards arsked me for the werry best place to go to, where he coud have