Punch, Or The London Charivari

Punch, Or The London
Charivari, Vol. 100, April 18,
1891

The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol.
100,
April 18, 1891, by Various This eBook is for the use of anyone
anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You
may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project
Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
www.gutenberg.net
Title: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100, April 18, 1891
Author: Various
Release Date: August 30, 2004 [EBook #13323]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***

Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online Distributed
Proofreading Team.

PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 100.

April 18, 1891.

LEAVES FROM A CANDIDATE'S DIARY.
[CONTINUED.]
_March 13_.--Left Billsbury this morning by nine o'clock train, and
came back to London. Brought with me the _Billsbury Standard_, and
the Billsbury Meteor (the Radical paper.) Both have accounts of last
night's meeting. Rather different, though.
BILLSBURY STANDARD.
The era of indecision is past. In another column we give a full account
of the important meeting of the Council of the Conservative
Association, which was held last night for the purpose of selecting a
Conservative Candidate for Billsbury. The proceedings were
enthusiastic and unanimous ... Mr. RICHARD B. PATTLE, the
selected Conservative Candidate, is a young man of the highest
promise. He had a distinguished career at Oxford, where he obtained
honours in History, and represented his College in the Torpid races for
eight-oared crews. Since then he has been called to the Bar, where he
has already secured a lucrative practice.... His speech last night had the
right ring about it. It was eloquent, practical, convincing, modest and
decided, thoroughly in harmony with the best traditions of the
Conservative party, and remarkable for the proof it afforded of the
devotion of Conservatives at all times to the highest interests of the
working classes. We have no hesitation in declaring, as Colonel
CHORKLE did last night, that with such a Candidate to oppose him,
the fate of Sir THOMAS CHUBSON may be considered as already
decided. If only all Conservatives will put their shoulders to the wheel
and work hard, the stigma under which Billsbury now labours will be
swept away. A Mass Meeting of Conservative electors will be held on
an early date to ratify the decision of the Council, and inaugurate the
period of hard work throughout the constituency.
BILLSBURY METEOR.
Last night the Conservatives gave their annual performance of the good
old farce entitled, _Choosing a Candidate; or, Who's got the

Money-bags?_ We are glad to be able to congratulate this distinguished
body of amateurs on the modest success which attended their efforts.
Most of the performers are well-known to the Billsbury public.
Alderman TOLLAND, as the heavy father, provoked screams of
laughter by the studied pomposity of his manner. His unctuous
rendering of the catch-phrase, "Constitutional Progress," has lost none
of its old force. Mr. CHORKLE was, perhaps, not so successful as we
have sometimes seen him in his representation of a real Colonel, but
the scene in which he attacked and routed LINDLEY MURRAY, went
extremely well. Mr. JERRAM as a singing journalist, was admirable.
We cannot help wondering why so remarkable an actor should confine
himself to the provincial stage. We had almost forgotten to mention
that the part of The Candidate was, on this occasion, assigned to a Mr.
RICHARD PATTLE, a complete novice, whose evident nervousness
seriously imperilled the success of the piece. He had omitted to learn
his part adequately, and the famous soliloquy, "The country has need of
me," was painfully bungled. Mr. PATTLE has few qualifications for
the ambitious _rôle_ he essayed, and his friends would be doing an act
of true kindness if they insisted on his withdrawal from a profession for
which he is in no way fitted. The performance will be repeated as usual
next year.
I suppose the Meteor people think that witty. When I got home, an
awful thing happened. Mother, of course, wanted to see the papers, so I
gave her the _Standard_, with which she was much pleased. She said it
was evident I had made a wonderful impression, and that the Billsbury
Conservatives were particularly sensible people! But, by some mistake,
I left the Meteor lying on the drawing-room table. It seems that, in the
afternoon, that sharp-tongued old hag, Mrs. SPIGOT, called. She saw
the _Meteor_, took it up, and said, "Dear me, is this something about
your son?" Mother, thinking it was the _Standard_, said, "Oh yes--do
read it, Mrs. SPIGOT; it's a wonderfully accurate account, RICHARD
says;" and that old cat read it all through. She then smiled, and said,
"Yes,