Punch, Or The London Charivari | Page 6

as We,--the firm of Self and Corresponding Captain,--have had to write rather a heavy packet for the Daily Graphic. I suppose you will have got Herr Von GERMAN EMPEROR with you by the time you receive this from yours truly; or His Imperialness may have quitted your,--that is, our, though I'm here now,--hospitable shores. �� propos of Hospitable Shores, remember me to the most hospitable of all Shores--Captain SHAW--of the Fire-and-Water Brigade. My companions--"Jolly companions everyone"--the Cautious Captain, or the Wily WILLIAMS, Doubting Doctor, Energetic Engineer, all well. Wily WILLIAMS hard at his MS., giving an account of the "agricultural and mineral resources" of the What-can-the-Matterbeland, "through the instrumentality of the Chartered Company." He's great at this. Think I shall start new Company--"The Chartered Libertine." If my memory doesn't fail me, that's a Shakspearian title. But who was the "Chartered Libertine"? I notice these South-African States are independent of Home Government. 'Pon my word, I fancy W.E.G. was right about Home Rule. On whose shoulders can the G.O.M.'s mantle fall, without enveloping him in entire obscurity, except on those of the Leader or the once united, but now fractured quartette party, "quorum pars magna fui?" I still keep up my Latin, you see. I wasn't sent to Eton for nothing; nor was any other boy that I've ever heard of.
[Illustration: Caperycornamental Hairdressing.]
CAPERS.
No wonder we've had so many dancing parties at the Cape, when all the inhabitants are Capers. I make this a present to my dear old DRUMMY; he can bring it out in his new Persian Joe Miller. Cheeky little street-boys give you Capers' sauce. They can lead you a pretty dance if you chivy them.
AMUSEMENTS OF THE BOERS.
To-day came across a Peep-Boer-Show. Seen it all before. Also a kind of Punch-and-Judy performance going on, translated into South-African dialect. There was not a paying public to witness it; and, with all my desire and with every intention to encourage native talent, I was compelled to turn away, "more in sorrow than in anger," (SHAKSPEARE again--Hamlet's Ghost, I think,) when the pipe-and-drummer man came to me for a contribution. Not a penny in my pocket. "I will reimburse thee nobly," said I, "on my return from the Mine-land." He quoted some line or other, which I did not catch, and gave the name of the writer, one "WALKER," as his authority. WALKER is associated in my mind with an English Dictionary, but, though it has been much added to in recent years, I doubt whether the words the Showman used on this occasion can be found in my pocket edition, or in any other edition of that excellent and trustworthy compilation.
[Illustration: Native Masher from Masherland.]
CHANGE OF HAIR.
Called at native barber's to-day. Gave him no instructions. Thought of course he was going to cut it; and so fell asleep. I almost always fall asleep when under the mesmeric influence of a capillary administrator. I should like him to keep on doing it; cut and comb again. So soothing! Woke up and found myself--like this. (_See Hair Cut._) Herewith please receive portrait, and treasure it.
ARMA VIRUMQUE.
Must send you a sketch of some of our B.B.B.'s or the Bold Bobbies of Basuto all armed. Ha! ha! as dear old WOLFFY would have said, "I was quite all-armed at seeing this!" Hope to be on the track of TOM TIDDLER's ground very soon. But anyhow till I am sur la tache, "on the spot," any one of these letters of mine (emphasis on the "mine") of which all are genuine--"proofs before letters" you have in my signed promise--is well worth a hundred pounds, and cheap at the price. It's my note of hand in exchange for the cash,--for the "ready ay ready!" as we say at sea. Away to the fields of gold!
PROSPECTING POSSIBILITIES.
N.B.--Rather think I am going to call on Queen ZAMBILI this afternoon. Ahem! Do you remember the ballads of "My heart is true to Poll," and "The King of the Owyhees"? Again, ahem! "Black Queen to mate in three moves." Of course, can't go in for this sort of thing myself, but by deputy, eh? Representative Government and King PROXY THE FIRST, with myself for Prime Minister. How's that Empire?
[Illustration: "Grandolph, the Explorer."]
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FROM OUR OWN BEN TROVATO.--Said an artistic collector to Mr. PARNELL, "Now I'll show you a beautiful specimen of CARLO DOLCI." "I wish you could have shown it me some days ago," replied the Ex-misleader of the Irish Party, "when I was presented with a specimen of Carlow without the Dolci."
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COOK'S TOURIST PRIZE JUBILEE JOKE.--_Mem. for Travellers contemplating a first visit to the Continent_.--Being raw to the business, get Cook'd. Depend upon it, you won't be "done."
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"THE HUNDRED BEST BOOKS."--Punch's Half-Yearly Volumes from the commencement, i.e., July