Punch, Or The London Charivari | Page 5

had to wait till TAY PAY came home and saw his constituents. Result not altogether satisfactory. As TIM HEALY put it, "TAY PAY showed disposition to hunt with Brer FOX and run with Brer RABBIT." If in the end Brer FOX won, nothing in TAY PAY's Scotland Road speech need prevent him returning to his allegiance. If Brer FOX remained under a cloud, he could jog along with Brer RABBIT. Been careful not to spoil the little game by taking part in debate in House.
Now, on this London Tramways Bill, which touches neither Brer FOX nor Brer RABBIT, TAY PAY interposes. Conservatives snort impatiently when he rises; cry aloud for division; take it for granted that TAY PAY will back up DEMOS's demand for equal right of way. But TAY PAY has genuine little surprise in store; is loftily contemptuous of tramways, doncha. If they cross the bridge and approach the precincts of the West End, what is to become of carriage-folk? "A noisy and inconvenient system of locomotion," said TAY PAY, shuddering with disgust, as though he heard a coarse voice crying "Fares, please!"
[Illustration: Demos.]
House roared with laughter; RADCLIFFE COOKE talked about opposition "coming from Members who hoped to ride in gilded coaches"; CREMER rudely reminded TAY PAY that ten or fifteen years ago, he would have taken a very different view of the convenience of tramway cars. This wasn't pleasant; but when the Division bell rang, TAY PAY had the satisfaction of walking, alone amongst his Party, with the Gentlemen of England, triumphantly vindicating the rights of carriage-folk against tramway trabs. Long time since House of Commons witnessed a scene so rich as this in material for reflection. Business done.--TAY PAY declares against trams.
Friday.--Attendance on House gradually diminishing; what with influenza, and Irish Land Bill in Committee, Members gradually thinning off. No M.P. complete without his influenza. Barks shall not be out of anything if its humble, but conscientious Member can manage it; so I've "took" the influenza, or the influenza's "took" me. Don't exactly know how it came about. Anyhow, we're in bed together. Business done.--Don't know anything about it.
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LEAVES FROM A CANDIDATE'S DIARY.
[CONTINUED.]
[Illustration: Looking for a Seat.]
_Wednesday, April 30th, "George Hotel," Billsbury_.--Spent yesterday and the day before in chambers at the Temple. No work as usual. Think I shall give it all up, and take entirely to politics. Yesterday afternoon a Mr. RICHARDSON GROGRAM called on me by appointment. He had written me a long letter stating that he had important information to communicate to me with reference to my candidature at Billsbury, and desired a short interview in order to lay it before me, Said he was "a Billsbury man born and bred, and naturally interested in everything that concerned the welfare of the old place, though for family reasons he had found it best to make the home of his riper manhood in the Metropolis." I smelt a rat, but thought it best to give him an interview. He is a tall man, with a dark beard, straight dark hair, a sallow face and shifty eyes, and was dressed rather like a dissenting clergyman. He was immensely genial in his manner, said he had read every word of my eloquent speeches, and thoroughly agreed with all I had said, though he himself would never have been able to say it half as well. He then asked me if I had heard of his "History of the Borough of Billsbury" in four volumes. I asked him who had published it and when, but he said he had been made the victim of intrigues, and had not yet secured a publisher, though there was any amount of money to be made out of the book. Would I like to read it in MS., and give him my candid opinion of it? Excused myself on the ground of great pressure of work. He talked like this for about twenty minutes, and at last came to what he called the chief purport of his visit. He said he had in the course of his investigations, been fortunate enough to acquire important and exclusive knowledge with regard to the early life of Sir THOMAS CHUBSON and his chief supporters in Billsbury. "If it is published," he continued, "it will absolutely blast the prospects of Radicalism in Billsbury. I am not a grasping man, but I must consider my family. Still, Sir, such is my respect and liking for you, that I am willing to place a sealed packet containing all these stories in your hands on payment of ￡150 down." I told him that wasn't my way either of fighting a constituency or of doing business, whereupon he became more voluble than ever, and I had no end of a job to get rid of