Punch, Or The London Charivari | Page 4

Grand Young GARDNER, who is familiar with both, says Grippe much too knowing to link itself with Member for Elgin and Nairn. Towards Eleven o'Clock, rumour set at rest by appearance of KEAY. Simple explanation of temporary absence is, that he has been at home, drawing up a few more Amendments.
In his absence. Windbag had it all to himself. How many speeches he has made through the dreary sitting am afraid to reckon up. Members going off to write letters, smoke a cigar, read evening papers, or dine, leave him on his legs, with one hand in pocket, and smile of serene satisfaction on face, prosing on. Coming back, they find him still in same position, apparently saying same thing. Has lately developed new oratorical charm. Constantly repeats his sentences, word for word. Everybody cleared out, even Mr. G., and JOHN MORLEY. Only Prince ARTHUR left languorous on Treasury Bench.
"Drooping like a lily out of water," MCEWAN says. Not that he's given to tropes of the kind; but, being lately at a wedding feast smothered in flowers, some of them have got into his conversation.
Business done.--In Committee on Irish Land Bill, but no forrader.
[Illustration: W.H. Smith in his new character as Warden of the Cinque Ports and Constable of Dover Castle.]
Tuesday.--"Do you think I ought to wear spurs, TOBY?"
It was Old MORALITY who spoke. We were in his room at House; just torn ourselves away from Committee on Irish Land Bill, where, at the moment, oddly enough SEXTON chanced to be speaking. Old MORALITY has been made Lord Warden of the Cinque Ports, and is trying on his uniform. Rather piratical arrangement; blue cloth coat with large brass buttons, red sash round his waist, with holster thrust in it, containing the horse-pistol with which PITT armed himself when he sat at the window of Walmer Castle, looking across the Channel, momentarily expecting to discover BONEY crossing in a flat-bottomed boat. The trousers are of scarlet, with broad braid of gold lace on outer seams. Finally there is a truculent cocked hat, which OLD MORALITY persists in putting on with the peak astarn. The dress is picturesque, and OLD MORALITY's figure lends itself to it with peculiar grace and fitness.
"I fancy WELLINGTON wore spurs," the Lord Warden persisted.
Yes, I point out; but PITT didn't, nor did PALMERSTON. Anyhow just as well not to begin with spurs. Might in time grow up to them, as it were.
Wanted the Lord Warden to enter House in his uniform: sadly in need of sensation. One would certainly be provided if Old MORALITY were discovered sitting on Treasury Bench in his present costume.
"No," he said, "they would think I was going to move or second the Address. Should like to get used to the clothes a little before appearing in them in public places."
So go back to House myself, leaving the Lord Warden marching up and down, making believe he is on the ramparts at Walmer. Oddly enough, when I arrive Windbag SEXTON making a speech, the few Members present talking about Old MORALITY's promotion. A dangerous epoch in a man's life. People apt just then to discover all kinds of shortcomings, and reasons why the promotion should have fallen elsewhere. But no one grudges OLD MORALITY this high and ancient honour; a fresh chapter in the pleasant story of "Mr. SMITH," a new "Part of His Life." For five years he has sat on the Treasury Bench in succession to DISRAELI and GLADSTONE; now he will answer for the safety of the Cinque Ports in succession to PITT and WELLINGTON, DALHOUSIE and PALMERSTON. Business done.--OLD MORALITY made Lord Warden of the Cinque Ports.
Thursday.--"TAY PAY also among the Gentlemen of England!" exclaimed SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE, for once almost moved out of his customary self-possession. It certainly seems so. Came about on Second Reading of London Tramways Bill; promoters want to bring tramway over Westminster Bridge, and along Embankment. DEMOS desires to go about his business on the tramway, and does not see why he should be arbitrarily stopped before he has accomplished his journey. Carriage folk say, No; let DEMOS and his penny tram stop at other side of the water, leaving the broad thoroughfare of the Embankment for what RADCLIFFE COOKE called "the gilded chariot."
Debate gone forward for some time. No one expected to find TAY PAY in this Galley. Since his return from Ameriky hasn't opened his voice in debate; spoken in public only once. That was to his constituents in Scotland Road, Liverpool; announced with portentous blast in advance that then and there the anxious world should learn what side he took in the leadership controversy. Others had declared themselves, whether for Brer FOX or Brer RABBIT. The momentous issue of TAY PAY's decision required further deliberation. So all the world