Press Cuttings | Page 9

Parkinsons of Stepney. (Almost in tears.) What do you know of the
feelings of a respectable family in the middle station of life? I cant bear
to be looked down on as a common soldier. Why cant my father be let
buy my discharge? Youve done away with the soldier's right to have his
discharge bought for him by his relations. The country didnt know you
were going to do that or it would never have stood it. Is an Englishman
to be made a mockery like this?
MITCHENER. Silence. Attention. Right about face. March.
THE ORDERLY (retiring to the standing desk and bedewing it with
passionate tears). Oh that I should have lived to be spoke to as if I was
the lowest of the low. Me! that has shaved a City of London aldermen
wiv me own hand.
MITCHENER. Poltroon. Crybaby. Well, better disgrace yourself here
than disgrace your country on the field of battle.
THE ORDERLY (angrily coming to the table). Whos going to disgrace
his country on the field of battle? Its not fightin I object to: its soljerin.
Show me a German and Ill have a go at him as fast as you or any man.
But to ave me time wasted like this, an be stuck in a sentry box at a
street corner for an ornament to be stared at; and to be told "right about
face: march" if I speak as one man to another: that aint pluck: that aint

fightin: that aint patriotism: its bein made a bloomin sheep of.
MITCHENER. A sheep has many valuable military qualities. Emulate
them: dont disparage them.
THE ORDERLY. Oh, wots the good of talkin to you? If I wasnt a poor
soldier I could punch your head for forty shillins for a month. But
because youre my commanding officer you deprive me of my right to a
magistrate and make a compliment of giving me two years ard sted of
shootin me. Why cant you take your chance the same as any civilian
does?
MITCHENER (rising majestically). I search the pages of history in
vain for a parallel to such a speech made by a Private to a general. But
for the coherence of your remarks I should conclude that you were
drunk. As it is, you must be mad. You shall be placed under restraint at
once. Call the guard.
THE ORDERLY. Call your grandmother. If you take one man off the
doors the place'll be full of Suffragets before you can wink.
MITCHENER. Then arrest yourself; and off with you to the
guardroom.
THE ORDERLY. What am I to arrest myself for?
MITCHENER. Thats nothing to you. You have your orders: obey them.
Do you hear? Right about face. March.
THE ORDERLY. How would you feel yourself if you was told to
right-about-face and march as if you was a doormat?
MITCHENER. I should feel as if my country had spoken through the
voice of my officer. I should feel proud and honored to be able to serve
my country by obeying its commands. No thought of self-- no vulgar
preoccupation with my own petty vanity could touch my mind at such a
moment. To me my officer would not be a mere man: he would be for
the moment--whatever his personal frailties--the incarnation of our

national destiny.
THE ORDERLY. What Im saying to you is the voice of old England a
jolly sight more than all this rot that you get out of books. Id rather be
spoke to by a sergeant than by you. He tells me to go to hell when I
challenges him to argue it out like a man. It aint polite; but its English.
What you say aint anything at all. You dont act on it yourself. You dont
believe in it. Youd punch my head if I tried it on you; and serve me
right. And look here. Heres another point for you to argue.
MITCHENER (with a shriek of protest). No--
Mrs. Banger comes in, followed by Lady Corinthia Fanshawe.
Mrs. Banger is a masculine woman of forty, with a powerful voice and
great physical strength. Lady Corinthia, who is also over thirty, is
beautiful and romantic.
MRS. BANGER (throwing the door open decisively and marching
straight to Michener). Pray how much longer is the Anti-Suffrage
League to be kept waiting? (She passes him contemptuously and sits
down with impressive confidence in the chair next the fireplace. Lady
Corinthia takes the chair on the opposite side of the table with equal
aplomb.)
MITCHENER. Im extremely sorry. You really do not know what I
have to put with. This imbecile, incompetent, unsoldierly disgrace to
the uniform he should never have been allowed to put on, ought to have
shown you in fifteen minutes ago.
THE ORDERLY. All