Prairie Flowers | Page 6

with it, you won't care a damn about anniversaries. What'll be botherin'
you'll be what kind of meat they feed the sun dogs----"
"Yes, an' I'll catch hell when I git home," whimpered Shorty.
"Every man's got his own brand of troubles," philosophized the Texan,
"an' yours sure set light on my shoulders. Come on, barkeep, an' slip us
another round of this here inebriatin' fluid. One whole year on crick
water an' alkali dust has added, roughly speakin', 365 days an' 5 hours,
an' 48 minutes, an' 45-1/2 seconds to my life, an' has whetted my
appetite to razor edge--an' that reminds me--" he paused abruptly and
picking up the yellow-backed bill that still lay before him upon the bar,
crammed it into his pocket.
CHAPTER II
KANGAROO COURT
Bottle in hand, the bartender eyed the cowboy quizzically. "What's the
big idee--pinchin' back the dinero?" he questioned.
The Texan smiled: "Just happened to think, that this is the identical
spot, a year ago, where I imbibed the last shot of red licker that's
entered my system till I intruded this peaceful scene today."
"What's all that got to do with you grabbin' that there money which I
want two dollars an' a half out of it fer them two rounds of drinks that's
on you?"
"Don't go worryin' about that. You'll get all that's comin' to you. But a
little reference to back history might fresh up your memory that I've got

four dollars change comin' from a year ago----"
"Wha'd ye mean--a year ago? I wasn't here a year ago! My brother run
this joint then. I only be'n here a couple of months."
The Texan regarded the man with puckered brow: "Well now, since
you mentioned it, there is somethin' disparagin' about that face of yours
that kind of interfered with me recognizin' it off hand. The Red Front,
changin' hands that way, complicates the case to an extent that we'll
have to try it out all legal an' regular pro bono publico, kangaroo court.
I studied law once way back in Texas with a view to abusin' an' evadin'
the same, an' enough of it's stuck to me so we can conduct this case ex
post facto.
"Barkeep, you're the defendant, an' for the purposes of the forthcomin'
action your name's John Doe. You four other characters are the jury, an'
that don't leave nothin' for me to be except plaintiff, prosecutin'
attorney, judge, an' court bailiff." Jerking his gun from its holster the
cowboy grasped it by the barrel and rapped loudly upon the bar: "O yes!
O yes! You bet! Court is now open! The first case on the docket is
Horatio Benton, alias Tex, vs. John Doe, John Doe's brother, an' the
Red Front saloon et al."
"Hey, what's all this here damn nonsense about?" asked the bartender.
For answer the Texan rapped the bar with the butt of his gun: "Silence
in the court!" he roared. "An' what's more, you're fined one round of
drinks for contempt of court." Taking a match from his pocket he laid it
carefully upon the bar, and continued: "The plaintiff will take the stand
in his own behalf. Gentlemen of the jury, the facts are these: One year
ago today, along about 3:30 P.M., I walked up to this bar an' had five
drinks, one of which was on the house an' four on me at two bits a
throw. I was packin' a couple of black eyes, the particulars of which is
extramundane to this case, an' the barkeep, defendant here's alleged
brother, asked certain pertinent an' unmitigated questions concernin' the
aforesaid black eyes. In explainin' to him how they were come by, I had
occasion to take a shot at a mouse--the bullet hole, an' doubtless his
dried-up remains can be seen yonder against the base-board an'

constitutes Exhibit A----"
"Well, I'll be damned!" exclaimed Shorty, his china blue eyes round
with excitement, "I know'd I'd saw you before!"
"Me, too, we was settin' there playin'----"
Again the six-gun rapped on the bar: "You, Green Vest, you're fined a
round of drinks for contempt of court. An' Shorty, you're fined two
rounds. Not that there's any doubt about your first statement, but this
here profanus vulgus business has got to be cut out." Depositing three
more matches beside the first upon the bar, the Texan proceeded:
"Shortly thereafter, an' right in the middle of my remarks the said
barkeep disembarked in tumultuous haste, like he'd be'n sent for an' had
to go. I waited around a spell an' not favorin' this spot for a permanent
abode, I laid a five dollar gold piece on the bar, an' rode off. Therefore,
gentlemen of the jury, it's plain to see that I've got four dollars comin',
as an