Potash and Perlmutter Settle Things | Page 8

Norway and it stands in the same relation to the big naval powers like
we would to the other big manufacturers. Now, for instance,' he says,
'last year we did a business of over two million dollars, and--'"
Abe raised his right hand like a traffic policeman.
"Stop right there, Mawruss," he said, "because if the Freedom of the
Seas is anything like Binder & Baum doing a business of two million
dollars last year, I don't believe a word of it, which it wouldn't make no
difference if Henry Binder was talking about the Freedom of the Seas
or astronomy, sooner or later he is bound to ring in the large amount of
goods he is selling, and, anyway, no matter what Henry Binder tells
you, you must got to reckon ninety-eight per cent. discount before you
could believe a word he says."
"And do you suppose for one moment that the members of the Peace
Conference is going to act any different from Henry Binder in that
respect?" Morris asked. "Every one of the representatives of the
countries engaged in this here Peace Conference is coming to France
with a statement of the very least they would accept, and it is pretty
generally understood that all such statements are subject to a very stiff
discount, which that is what these here preliminaries is for, Abe--to get
a line on the discounts before the Peace Conference discusses the
claims themselves."
"Well, when it comes to the Allies scrapping between themselves about
League of Nations and Freedoms of Seas, I am content that they should
be allowed a liberal discount on what they say for what they mean,
Mawruss, but when it comes to Germany," he concluded, "she's got to
pay, and pay in full, net cash, and then some."

III
THE PRESIDENT'S VISIT TO ENGLAND
"The alphabet ain't what it used to be before the war, Mawruss," Abe
said, as he read the paper at breakfast in his Paris hotel shortly after
President Wilson's visit to England. "Former times if a feller
understood C. O. D. and N. G., y'understand, he could read the papers
and get sense out of it the same like he would be a college gradgwate,
already; but nowadays when you pick up a morning paper and read that
Colonel Harris Lefkowitz, we would say, for example, A. D. C. to the
C. O. at G. H. Q. of the A. E. F., has been decorated with the D. S. O.,
you feel that the only way to get a line on what is going on in the world
is to get posted on this--now--algebry which ambitious young
shipping-clerks gets fired for studying during office hours."
"Well, if you get mixed up by these here letters, think what it must be
like for President Wilson to suddenly get one of them English
statesmen sprung on him by--we would say--the King--where the King
says: 'Mr. President, shake hands with the Rutt Hon. Duke of
Cholomondley, K.C.M.G., R.V.O., K.C.B., F.P.A., G.S.I., and
sometimes W. and Y.'" Morris said, "in especially as I understand
Cholomondley is pronounced as if written Rabinowitz."
"It would anyhow give the President a tropic for conversation such as
ain't it the limit what you got to pay to get visiting-cards engraved
nowadays, which it really and truly must cost the English aristocracy a
fortune for such things," Abe said, "in particularly if the daughter of
such a feller gets married with engraved invitations, Mawruss, after he
had paid the stationery bill, y'understand, he wouldn't got nothing left
for her dowry."
"Well, I guess the President wasn't in no danger of running out of
tropics of conversation while he was in England, Abe," Morris said,
"which during all the spare time Mr. Wilson had on his trip he did
nothing but hold conversations with Mr. Balfour, and this here Lord

George, and you could take it from me, Abe, there wasn't many pauses
to be filled up by Mr. Wilson saying ain't it a funny weather we are
having nowadays, or something like that."
"How do you know?" Abe asked. "Was you there?"
"I wasn't there," Morris said, "but last night I was speaking in the lobby
of the hotel to one of them newspaper reporters which made the trip
with the President, and after I had given the young feller one of the
cigars we brought with us from New York he got quite friendly and
told me all about it. It seems, Abe, that the visit was a wonderful
success, in particular the first day Mr. Wilson was in England. The
weather was one of the finest days they had in winter over in England
for years already. Only six inches of rain, and the passage across the
English Channel was so smooth for