Peter Simple | Page 2

stage. Having seen me securely wedged between two fat old women, and having put my parcel inside, he took his leave, and in a few minutes I was on my road to London.
I was too much depressed to take notice of any thing during my journey. When we arrived in London, they drove to the Blue Boar (in a street, the name of which I have forgotten). I had never seen or heard of such an animal, and certainly it did appear very formidable; its mouth was open and teeth very large.
The coachman threw his whip to the ostler, and the reins upon the horses' back; he then dismounted, and calling to me, "Now, young gentleman, I'se waiting," he put a ladder up for me to get down by; then turning to a porter, he said to him, "Bill, you must take this here young gem'man and that ere parcel to this here direction.--Please to remember the coachman, sir." I replied that I certainly would, if he wished it, and walked off with the porter; the coachman observing as I went away, "Well, he is a fool--that's sartain." I arrived quite safe at St. Clement's Lane, when the porter received a shilling for his trouble from the maid who let me in, and I was shown up into a parlour, where I found myself in company with Mrs Handycock.
Mrs Handycock was a little meagre woman, who did not speak very good English, and who appeared to me to employ the major part of her time in bawling out from the top of the stairs to the servants below. I never saw her either read a book or occupy herself with needlework, during the whole time I was in the house. She had a large grey parrot and I really cannot tell which screamed the worst of the two--but she was very civil and kind to me. Before I had been there ten minutes, she told me that she "hadored sailors--they were the defendiours and preserviours of their kings and countries," and that Mr Handycock would be home by four o'clock, and then we should go to dinner.
As I was very anxious to see Mr Handycock, and very anxious to have my dinner, I was not sorry to hear the clock on the stairs strike four; when Mrs Handycock jumped up, and put her head over the banisters. "Jemima, Jemima, it's four o'clock!"
"I hear it, marm," replied the cook; and she gave the frying-pan a twist, which made the hissing and the smell come flying up into the parlour, and made me more hungry than ever.
Rap, tap, tap! "There's your master, Jemima," screamed the lady. "I hear him, marm," replied the cook. "Run down, my dear, and let Mr Handycock in," said his wife. "He'll be so surprised at seeing you open the door."
I ran down as Mrs Handycock desired me, and opened the street-door. "Who the devil are you?" in a gruff voice, cried Mr Handycock; a man about six feet high, dressed in blue cotton-net pantaloons and Hessian boots, with a black coat and waistcoat. I was a little rebuffed, I must own, but I replied that I was Mr Simple. "And pray, Mr Simple, what would your grandfather say if he saw you now?"
"Law, Mr Handycock," said his wife, from the top of the stairs, "how can you be so cross? I told him to open the door to surprise you."
"And you have surprised me," replied he, "with your cursed folly."
While Mr Handycock was rubbing his boots on the mat, I went upstairs, rather mortified, I must own, as my father had told me that Mr Handycock was his stock-broker, and would do all he could to make me comfortable. When I returned to the parlour, Mrs Handycock whispered to me, "Never mind, my dear, it's only because there's something wrong on 'Change. Mr Handycock is a bear just now." I thought so too, but made no answer, for Mr Handycock came upstairs.
"Are you ready for your dinner, my dear?" said the lady, almost trembling.
"If the dinner is ready for me. I believe we usually dine at four," answered her husband gruffly.
"Jemima, Jemima, dish up! do you hear, Jemima?"
"Yes, marm," replied the cook, "directly I've thickened the butter;" and Mrs Handycock resumed her seat, with:
"Well, Mr Simple, and how is your grandfather, Lord Privilege?"
"He is quite well, ma'am," answered I, for the fifteenth time at least. But dinner put an end to the silence which followed this remark. Mr Handycock walked downstairs, leaving his wife and me to follow at our leisure.
"Pray, ma'am," inquired I, as soon as he was out of hearing, "what is the matter with Mr Handycock, that he is so cross to you?"
"Vy, my dear, it is one of the misfortunes of matermony, that