Perfect Behavior | Page 7

morning, therefore, you should go to a public
telephone-booth in order to call the young lady's house. The etiquette of
telephoning is quite important and many otherwise perfectly well-bred
people often make themselves conspicuous because they do not know
the correct procedure in using this modern but almost indispensable
invention. Upon entering the telephone-booth, which is located, say, in
some drug store, you remove the receiver from the hook and deposit the
requisite coin in the coin box. After an interval of some minutes a
young lady (referred to as "Central") will ask for your "Number,
please." Suppose, for example, that you wish to get Bryant 4310.
Remove your hat politely and speak that number into the mouthpiece.
"Central" will then say, "Rhinelander 4310." To which you reply, "NO,
Central--BRYANT 4310." Central then says, "I beg your
pardon--Bryant 4310," to which you reply, "Yes, please." In a few
minutes a voice at the other end of the line says, "Hello," to which you
answer, "Is Miss Doe at home?" The voice then says, "Who?" You say,
"Miss Doe, please--Miss Dorothy Doe." You then hear the following,

"Wait a minute. Say, Charlie, is they anybody works around here by the
name of Doe? There's a guy wants to talk to a Miss Doe. Here--you
answer it." Another voice then says, "Hello." You reply "Hello." He
says, "What do you want?" You reply, "I wish to speak to Miss
Dorothy Doe." He says, "What department does she work in?" You
reply, "Is this the residence of J. Franklin Doe, President of the First
National Bank?" He says, "Wait a minute." You wait a minute. You
wait several. Another voice--a new voice says-"Hello." You reply
"Hello." He says, "Give me Stuyvesant 8864." You say, "But I'm trying
to get Miss Doe--Miss Dorothy Doe." He says, "Who?" You say, "Is
this the residence of --" He says, "Naw--this is Goebel Brothers,
Wholesale Grocers--what number do you want?" You say, "Bryant
4310." He says, "Well, this is Rhinelander 4310." You then hang up the
receiver and count twenty. The telephone bell then rings, and inasmuch
as you are the only person near the phone you take up the receiver and
say, "Hello." A female voice, says, "Hello, dearie--don't you know who
this is?" You say, politely but firmly, "No." She says, "Guess!" You
guess "Mrs. Warren G. Harding." She says, "No. This is Ethel. Is
Walter there?" You reply, "Walter?" She says, "Ask him to come to the
phone, will you? He lives up-stairs over the drug store. Just yell
"Walter' at the third door down the hall. Tell him Ethyl wants to speak
to him--no, wait--tell him it's Madge." Being a gentleman, you comply
with the lady's request. After bringing Walter to the phone, you
obligingly wait for some twenty minutes while he converses with
Ethel--no, Madge. When he has finished, you once more enter the
booth and tell "Central" you want Bryant 4310. After a few minutes
"Central" says, "What number did you call?" You say patiently,
"Bryant 4310." She replies, "Bryant 4310 has been changed to Schuyler
6372." You ask for Schuyler 6372. Finally a woman's voice says,
"Yass." You say, "Is Miss Doe in?" She replies, "Yass." You say, "May
I speak to her?" She says, "Who?" You reply, "You said Miss Doe was
at home, didn't you?" She replies, "Yass." You say, "Well, may I speak
to her?" The voice says, "Who?" You shout, "Miss Doe." The voice
says, "She ban out." You shriek, "Oh, go to hell!" and assuming a
graceful, easy position in the booth, you proceed to tear the telephone
from the wall. Later on in the day, when you have two or three hours of
spare time, you can telephone Miss Doe again and arrange for the

evening's visit.
MAKING THE FIRST CALL
The custom of social "calls" between young men and young women is
one of the prettiest of etiquette's older conventions, and one around
which clusters a romantic group of delightful traditions. In this day and
generation, what with horseless carriages, electric telephones and
telegraphs, and dirigible gas bags, a great many of the older forms have
been allowed to die out, greatly, I believe, to our discredit. "Speed, not
manners," seems to be the motto of this century. I hope that there still
exist a few young men who care enough about "good form" to study
carefully to perfect themselves in the art of "calling." Come, Tom, Dick
and Harry--drop your bicycles for an afternoon and fill your minds with
something besides steam engines and pneumatic tires!
The first call at the home of any young lady of fashion is an extremely
important social function, and too great care can not be taken that you
prepare yourself thoroughly in advance. It would be well to