Our American Cousin | Page 5

Boots, and one for you, Harry. [Hiding letter behind her.]
Ver Ah, one for me, Florence?
Flo Now what will you give me for one?
Ver Ah, then you have one?
Flo Yes, there, Harry. [Gives it.]
Ver Ah, for a ship. [Opens and reads.]
Flo Ah! Mon ami, you are to leave us. Good news, or bad?
Ver No ship yet, this promises another year of land lubbery. [Goes up.]
Flo. I'm so sorry. [Aside.] I'm so glad he's not going away. But where's Dundreary. Has anybody seen Dundreary?
Enter Dundreary.
Dun Good morning, Miss Florence.
Flo [Comes down, L.] Good morning, my Lord Dundreary. Who do you think has been here? What does the postman bring?
Dun Well, sometimes he brings a bag with a lock on it, sometimes newspapers, and sometimes letters, I suppothe.
Flo There. [Gives letter. Dundreary opens letter and Florence goes up R. Dun. knocks knees against chair, turns round knocks shins, and at last is seated extreme, R.]
Dun Thank you. [Reads letter.]
De B [Reading paper.] By Jove, old Soloman has made a crop of it.
Dun A--what of it?
De B I beg pardon, an event I am deeply interested in, that's all. I beg pardon.
Aug Ah! Florence, dear, there's a letter of yours got among mine. [Gives it.]
Flo Why papa, it's from dear brother Ned.
Sir E From my boy! Where is he? How is he? Read it.
Flo He writes from Brattleboro' Vt. [Reading written letter.] ``Quite well, just come in from a shooting excursion, with a party of Crows, splendid fellows, six feet high.''
Dun Birds six feet high, what tremendous animals they must be.
Flo Oh, I see what my brother means; a tribe of indians called Crows, not birds.
Dun Oh, I thought you meant those creatures with wigs on them.
Flo Wigs!
Dun I mean those things that move, breathe and walk, they look like animals with those things. [Moving his arms like wings.]
Flo Wings.
Dun Birds with wings, that's the idea.
Flo [Reading written letter.] ``Bye-the-bye, I have lately come quite hap-hazard upon the other branch of our family, which emigrated to America at the Restoration. They are now thriving in this State, and discovering our relationship, they received me most hospitably. I have cleared up the mysterious death of old Mark Trenchard.''
Sir E Of my uncle!
Flo [Reading written letter.] ``It appears that when he quarreled with his daughter on her marriage with poor Meredith, he came here in search of this stray shoot of the family tree, found them and died in their house, leaving Asa, one of the sons, heir to his personal property in England, which ought to belong to poor Mary Meredith. Asa is about to sail for the old country, to take possession. I gave him directions to find you out, and he should arrive almost as soon as this letter. Receive him kindly for the sake of the kindness he has shown to me, and let him see some of our shooting.'' Your affectionate brother, NED.
Sir E An American branch of the family.
Mrs M Oh, how interesting!
Aug [Enthusiastically.] How delightfully romantic! I can imagine the wild young hunter. An Apollo of the prairie.
Flo An Apollo of the prairie; yes, with a strong nasal twang, and a decided taste for tobacco and cobblers.
Sir E Florence, you forget that he is a Trenchard, and no true Trenchard would have a liking for cobblers or low people of that kind.
Flo I hate him, whatever he is, coming here to rob poor cousin Mary of her grandmother's guineas.
Sir E Florence, how often must I request you not to speak of Mary Meredith as your cousin?
Flo Why, she is my cousin, is she not? Besides she presides over her milk pail like a duchess playing dairymaid. [Sir E. goes up.] Ah! Papa won't hear me speak of my poor cousin, and then I'm so fond of syllabubs. Dundreary, do you know what syllabubs are?
Dun Oh, yeth, I know what syllabubs is--yeth--yeth.
Flo Why, I don't believe you do know what they are.
Dun Not know what syllabubs are? That's a good idea. Why they are-- syllabubs are--they are only babies, idiotic children; that's a good idea, that's good. [Bumps head against Florence.]
Flo No, it's not a bit like the idea. What you mean are called cherubims.
Dun What, those things that look like oranges, with wings on them?
Flo Not a bit like it. Well, after luncheon you must go with me and I'll introduce you to my cousin Mary and syllabubs.
Dun I never saw Mr. Syllabubs, I am sure.
Flo Well, now, don't forget.
Dun I never can forget--when I can recollect.
Flo Then recollect that you have an appointment with me after luncheon.
Dun Yeth, yeth.
Flo Well, what have you after luncheon?
Dun Well, sometimes I have a glass of brandy with an egg in it, sometimes a run 'round the duck-pond, sometimes a game of checkers-- that's for exercise, and perhaps a game of billiards.
Flo