Operation R.S.V.P. | Page 3

insist that your Government take some definite
step toward the solution of the Khakum River question; the present
position of the Government of the United Peoples' Republics of East
Asia on this subject is utterly unacceptable to the Government of the
Union of East European Soviet Republics, and must be revised very
considerably.
I have the honor, etc., etc.,
Vladmir N. Dzhoubinsky

Coded radiogram, Dzhoubinsky to Krylenkoff:
25 OCTOBER, 1984
ASCERTAIN IMMEDIATELY CAUSE OF RELEASE OF

NUCLEAR ENERGY VICINITY OF NOVA ZEMBLA THIS AM
DZHOUBINSKY
Coded radiogram, Wu Fung Tung to Sing Yat:
25 OCTOBER, 1984
ASCERTAIN IMMEDIATELY CAUSE OF RELEASE OF
NUCLEAR ENERGY VICINITY OF NOVA ZEMBLA THIS AM
WU

Letter from the Ameer of Afghanistan to UEESR Premier-President
Mouzorgin and UPREA President Sung Li-Yin:
26 October, 1984
SHERE ALI ABDALLAH, Ameer of Afghanistan, Master of Kabul,
Lord of Herat and Kandahar, Keeper of Khyber Pass, Defender of the
True Faith, Servant of the Most High and Sword-Hand of the Prophet;
Ph.D. (Princeton); Sc.B. (Massachusetts Institute of Technology); M.A.
(Oxford): to their Excellencies A.A. Mouzorgin, Premier-President of
the Union of East European Soviet Republics, and Sung Li-Yin,
President of the United Peoples' Republics of East Asia,
Greetings, in the name of Allah!
For the past five years, I have watched, with growing concern, the
increasing tensions between your Excellencies' respective Governments,
allegedly arising out of the so-called Khakum River question. It is my
conviction that this Khakum River dispute is the utterly fraudulent
device by which both Governments hope to create a pretext for the
invasion of India, each ostensibly to rescue that unhappy country from
the rapacity of the other. Your Excellencies must surely realize that this
is a contingency which the Government of the Kingdom of Afghanistan
cannot and will not permit; it would mean nothing short of the national

extinction of the Kingdom of Afghanistan, and the enslavement of the
Afghan people.
Your Excellencies will recall that I discussed this matter most urgently
on the occasions of my visits to your respective capitals of Moscow and
Nanking, and your respective attitudes, on those occasions, has firmly
convinced me that neither of your Excellencies is by nature capable of
adopting a rational or civilized attitude toward this question. It appears
that neither of your Excellencies has any intention of abandoning your
present war of mutual threats and blackmail until forced to do so by
some overt act on the part of one or the other of your Excellencies'
Governments, which would result in physical war of pan-Asiatic scope
and magnitude. I am further convinced that this deplorable situation
arises out of the megalomaniac ambitions of the Federal Governments
of the UEESR and the UPREA, respectively, and that the different
peoples of what you unblushingly call your "autonomous" republics
have no ambitions except, on a rapidly diminishing order of probability,
to live out their natural span of years in peace. Therefore:
In the name of ALLAH, the Merciful, the Compassionate: We, Shere Ali
Abdallah, Ameer of Afghanistan, etc., do decree and command that the
political entities known as the Union of East European Soviet
Republics and the United Peoples' Republics of East Asia respectively
are herewith abolished and dissolved into their constituent autonomous
republics, each one of which shall hereafter enjoy complete sovereignty
within its own borders as is right and proper.
Now, in case either of you gentlemen feel inclined to laugh this off, let
me remind you of the series of mysterious disappearances of some of
the most noted scientists of both the UEESR and the UPREA, and let
me advise your Excellencies that these scientists are now residents and
subjects of the Kingdom of Afghanistan, and are here engaged in
research and development work for my Government. These gentlemen
were not abducted, as you gentlemen seem to believe; they came here
of their own free will, and ask nothing better than to remain here, where
they are treated with dignity and honor, given material rewards--riches,
palaces, harems, retinues of servants, etc.--and are also free from the

intellectual and ideological restraints which make life so intolerable in
your respective countries to any man above the order of intelligence of
a cretin. In return for these benefactions, these eminent scientists have
developed, for my Government, certain weapons. For example:
1.) A nuclear-rocket guided missile, officially designated as the Sword
of Islam, vastly superior to your Excellencies' respective guided
missiles Marxist Victory and Celestial Destroyer. It should be; it was
the product of the joint efforts of Dr. Voronoff and Dr. Bao Hu-Shin,
whom your Excellencies know.
2.) A new type of radar-radio-electronic defense screen, which can not
only detect the approach of a guided missile, at any velocity whatever,
but will automatically capture and redirect same. In case either of your
Excellencies doubt this statement, you are invited