Operation R.S.V.P.

Operation R.S.V.P., by Henry
Beam Piper

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Title: Operation R.S.V.P.
Author: Henry Beam Piper
Release Date: April 26, 2006 [EBook #18261]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
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Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Amazing Stories
January 1951. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the
copyright on this publication was renewed.

[Illustration:]
OPERATION R.S.V.P.

By
H. Beam Piper

Vladmir N. Dzhoubinsky, Foreign Minister, Union of East European
Soviet Republics, to Wu Fung Tung, Foreign Minister, United Peoples'
Republics of East Asia:
15 Jan. 1984
Honored Sir:
Pursuant to our well known policy of exchanging military and scientific
information with the Government, of friendly Powers, my Government
takes great pleasure in announcing the completely successful final tests
of our new nuclear-rocket guided missile Marxist Victory. The test
launching was made from a position south of Lake Balkash; the target
was located in the East Siberian Sea.
In order to assist you in appreciating the range of the new guided
missile Marxist Victory, let me point out that the distance from
launching-site to target is somewhat over 50 percent greater than the
distance from launching-site to your capital, Nanking.
My Government is still hopeful that your Government will revise its
present intransigeant position on the Khakum River dispute.
I have the honor, etc., etc., etc.,
V. N. Dzhoubinsky

[Illustration:]

Wu Fung Tung, to Vladmir N. Dzhoubinsky:
7 Feb., 1984
Estimable Sir:
My Government was most delighted to learn of the splendid triumph of
your Government in developing the new guided missile Marxist
Victory, and at the same time deeply relieved. We had, of course,
detected the release of nuclear energy incident to the test, and inasmuch
as it had obviously originated in the disintegration of a quantity of
Uranium 235, we had feared that an explosion had occurred at your
Government's secret uranium plant at Khatanga. We have long known
of the lax security measures in effect at this plant, and have, as a
consequence, been expecting some disaster there.
I am therefore sure that your Government will be equally gratified to
learn of the perfection, by my Government, of our own new guided
missile Celestial Destroyer, which embodies, in greatly improved form,
many of the features of your own Government's guided missile Marxist
Victory. Naturally, your own scientific warfare specialists have
detected the release of energy incident to the explosion of our own
improved thorium-hafnium interaction bomb; this bomb was exploded
over the North Polar ice cap, about two hundred miles south of the Pole,
on about 35 degrees East Longitude, almost due north of your capital
city of Moscow. The launching was made from a site in Thibet.
Naturally, my Government cannot deviate from our present just and
reasonable attitude in the Khakum River question. Trusting that your
Government will realize this, I have the honor to be,
Your obedient and respectful servant,
Wu Fung Tung

From N. Y. TIMES, Feb. 20, 1984:
AFGHAN RULER FETED AT NANKING
Ameer Shere Ali Abdallah Confers
With
UPREA Pres. Sung Li-Yin

UEESR Foreign Minister Dzhoubinsky to Maxim G. Krylenkoff,
Ambassador at Nanking:
3 March, 1984
Comrade Ambassador:
It is desired that you make immediate secret and confidential repeat
secret and confidential inquiry as to the whereabouts of Dr. Dimitri O.
Voronoff, the noted Soviet rocket expert, designer of the new guided
missile Marxist Victory, who vanished a week ago from the Josef
Vissarionovitch Djugashvli Reaction-Propulsion Laboratories at
Molotovgorod. It is feared in Government circles that this noted
scientist has been abducted by agents of the United Peoples' Republics
of East Asia, possibly to extract from him, under torture, information of
a secret technical nature.
As you know, this is but the latest of a series of such disappearances,
beginning about five years ago, when the Khakum River question first
arose.
Your utmost activity in this matter is required.
Dzhoubinsky

Ambassador Krylenkoff to Foreign Minister Dzhoubinsky:
9 March, 1984
Comrade Foreign Minister:
Since receipt of yours of 3/3/'84, I have been utilizing all resources at
my disposal in the matter of the noted scientist D. O. Voronoff, and
availing myself of all sources of information, e.g., spies, secret agents,
disaffected elements of the local population, and including two UPREA
Cabinet Ministers on my payroll. I regret to report that results of this
investigation have been entirely negative. No one here appears