Oh! Susannah! | Page 3

E.)
Tupper. (laughs) That's sure to be for the missus. She 'as lots o' callers. She's a widder. If I was a woman, I'd be a widder. (jumps off couch) Oh lor, if it's the tailor, (crosses to fire, stands back to it, legs apart) I wouldn't mind so much, only I sold my old clothes to 'ave a bit on a dead cert, wot didn't come orf--dead certs never do--I wish my clothes was a dead cert.
(Enter Aurora. followed by Pearl. then Ruby. then Plant. in single file. Tupper works behind arm-chair and gets up stage and puts out cigarette)
Aurora. (aside) Our fust! (fussily shaking sofa cushions, standing behind sofa) Take your seats, please! (motions girls to sit)
(Ruby sits r. of Pearl.)
Make yourselves quite at home--and don't be frightened.
(Girls turn round and stare at her.)
'E'll treat yer kindly--'e's got sich a sorft 'and! (soothingly to Ruby) Would yer like a cup o' tea, miss, to buck yer up? Ruby. No, thank you.
Aurora. (to Ruby) Oh, the doctor allus gives 'is ladies tea.
(Tupper, sitting on couch, bursts out laughing and shoves his handkerchief in his mouth.)
Pearl. No, thank you.
Plant. (looking round) Is the doctor out?
Aubora. (bustling about dusting) Yes, sir.
(Girls rise.)
--But 'e'll be back at 'arf past, if the ladies'll kindly wait.
(Girls sit.)
'E's been called orf to see a lady who couldn't wait.
(Tupper same Bus.--Aurora goes to him.)
Plant. (coughs.) Ahem! That will do. (aside) Fancy setting up for a ladies' doctor in Pimlico! How can he earn bread and butter in Marmalade Street. No. 13, too!
Aurora. (to Tupper) 'Old yer row! They're lady patients. 'Appy girls! I wonder what they've got?
Tupper. Nuffiin'. They're a bit off all right! (laughs)
Aurora. (sadly) Are they, Tupper? Then why do they come 'ere?
Plant. (aside) What has he done to deserve a rich aunt who has instructed me to draw up a deed settling a thousand a year on him? It's disgusting! (sits, head on hand)
Tupper. (sees Plant. head on hand--aside to Aurora) Oh, p'raps it's 'im! (comes to him) Anythin' wrong with yer 'ead? (touches his hair)
(Girls laugh--Plant looks dumbfounded.)
Aurora. The doctor's wonderful clever for 'eads. (same Bus.)
Plant. Don't do that!
Tupper. Yus, 'e cured mine in a jiffy. I rekkemmend 'im to all my friends.
Plant. Ah, then I presume Doctor Sheppard has a large practice.
Aurora. (cheerily) Oh yes, sir, 'e's allus practisin'--'e practised all larst week on the milkman's baby. It 'ad the direfearier, sir, in its throat, and the doctor was afraid the cows'd catch it and spile the milk. 'E stopped up all night for a week nussin' that baby. (goes on scouring bureau)
Tupper. Oh, he's a wonderful gentle gentleman, is the doctor.
Plant. (aside) A "Gentle Sheppard?" Just what his rich aunt hopes to find him. I must get a word with Ruby.
Ruby. (to Tupper) Ah, you hear what his grateful patients think of him.
Tupper. (comes down) Grateful patients? (shakes head sadly) No, miss, not yet.
Plant. You carry the medicine round, don't you?
Tupper. No, sir, not yet.
Pearl. But you're the doctor's boy, aren't you?
Tupper. No, miss, not yet--only 'arf of me, the other 'arf belongs upstairs. You see, the doctor ends orf where the stair-carpets begin; 'e shares me with the missus--an' 'e shares the gal too.
Plant. (rises, coughs) Ahem! That will do! Is the room always so full of smoke?
Aurora. (coming to him quickly) Oh yes, sir, wuss generally, (flaps wet flannel in his face) The doctor's a wonderful gentleman for smoke, 'e lies on that couch smokin' all day long, an' read in' this 'ere book, (fetches it) You look at it. (comes down C.)
(Girls go up to her,)
You can't make 'ead nor tail of it, 'cep' the pictures, an' they is--well, there!
Plant. Ahem! That will do! (takes it from her before his daughters see it) What are the doctor's hours?
Aurora. I dunno, sir--all hours. Sometimes out all day. Sometimes don't come home all night----
Plant. Ahem! That will do!
Tupper. Wednesday 'e went out, an' ain't back yet
Ruby. Two days ago? That lady's case must be serious! (comes to back of sofa and sits L. end)
Aurora. It is serious, miss, I tell yer. (confidentially) It's a case of----
Plant.. (yells in her ear) Ahem! That will do!
Aurora. Sorry I spoke!
Plant. Very unusual for smoke to hang about for forty-eight hours.
Tupper. Oh,that's nothin', sir. 'E's wonderful unusual in 'is 'abits.
Aurora. 'As a biled egg for 'is dinner orfen. (to Ruby)
Ruby. (to Pearl) Poor fellow! He must be starving!
(Tupper looks admiringly at Ruby. and goes to fire, stands back to it, legs apart.)
Plant., (aside) "Poor fellow!" He'll be rich enough before the day's out. It's hard not to tell one's own daughter--but I mustn't betray a professional confidence.
Tupper. (aside) Fine gels! (to Ruby) 'E'll be wonderful glad to see you, Miss.
Ruby. How do you know?
Tupper. 'Cos 'e's settin' up as a ladies' Doctor. miss, an'