Oh! Susannah! | Page 2

up cigarette end off ash tray and smokes it)
Aurora (down C.) Lor, you don't say! An' printed invitations an' all. (takes card from mirror) 'Ark at this! "Mrs. O'Hara requests the honor of Doctor Sheppard'ss company--"
Tupper. 'E won't come back for that. I wish 'e would.
Aurora. Why not, Tupper? Where's 'e gone? (comes C.)
Tupper. Gie us a kiss, an' I'll tell yer.
Aurora. (moving away) A kiss! There's bloomin' cheek! I never did!
Tupper. (coming to her) Oh yes, you did--only larst Friday, an' it's Friday agin, an' what's more, it's Lady Day.
Aurora. (innocently) Is it, Tupper? Well, as it's Lady Day. (puts her cheek up, aside) It's all for 'im! (kiss Bus.) Now tell me.
Tupper. 'E's gorn to get married, (goes down r. puffing cigarette hard)
Aurora. (with concern) No, Tupper, don't say that! (changes her tone) I mean, 'ow do you know?
Tupper. (turning round) Gie us another, an' I'll tell yer!
Aurora. Go hon!
Tupper. I will when I got summat to go hon with. (comes to her)
Aurora. (impatiently) Oh, there, then! (kissed him--aside) They're all for 'im!
Tupper. Well, as you know, (gets on table) Aurora. the doctor's a wonderful gentle gentleman, as gentle as--well, there 'e is gentle!
Aurora. (more impatiently) I know that. I give you them kisses to tell me summat I don't know.
Tupper. Well, I'm goin' to. When 'e was packing to go away, 'e was that excited 'e couldn't 'ardly strap the bag.
Aurora. Well, what o' that? A gentleman can get excited without gettin' married, yer silly kid! (goes to steps)
Tupper. Ah, but 'e put on a new frock coat, an' a bran noo pair o' trarsers----
Aurora. The dear doctor! I'll bet 'e looked a toff! (start on steps)
Tupper. An' then 'e 'ad a brandy and soda--wot for? (up to couch)
Aurora. 'Cos 'e was thirsty, o' course, yer silly kite.
Tupper. Thirsty! It was to bring 'im up to the scratch!
Aurora. (aside) The scratch! My 'eart! My 'eart! (top of ladder)
Tupper. I bet my buttons 'e's enj'ying 'is 'oneymoon in 'is noo clothes, an' forgotten all abart me an' mine. (up stage R.)
Aurora. (curiously) Your noo clothes?
Tupper. Yes, I was loored into these under false pretences. When Mrs. O'Hara engaged me, she says she'd let orf 'er ground floor to a very risin' doctor.
Aurora. So 'e is! The day will come, 'e'll be the most risin'--(gesticulates with feather-duster, on steps, nearly falls)
Tupper. Do you want to 'ear abart my trarsers, or do you not? (sits on couch)
Aurora. Yes, Tupper, o' course I do--get 'em orf yer chest.
Tupper. Well, Mrs. O'Hara, she sez, 'e'll find yer in clothes, she sez, an' think of all the gratooities----
Aurora. Great--who?
Tupper. Gratooities from grateful patients--shillins an' 'arf-crowns, she sez. Well, we been at it three months to-day--
Aurora. (sadly) An' not a blessed patient 'as called yet. (comes down)
Tupper. No, but the tailor's called, lots o' times, an' larst time 'e was very cross--said 'e'd 'ave these clothes orf me if they wasn't paid for Lady Day. (crosses to R. of table)
Aurora. Oh! the person! Never mind; the day will come.
Tupper. The day 'as come! (takes up pile of letters)
Aurora. Well, never mind, look at all these--all from lady patients, (sits in Doctor's chair, puts on his eye-glasses)
Tupper. (laughing) Lady patients! Why, they're bills. That's the butcher, (puts it down) An' that's the chemist.
Aurora. Oh! 'e can read!
Tupper. (puts it down) I know 'em all! (reads) "Cummerbund and Co., Tailors." Oh lor! That's me! (drops the pack suddenly) I call it downright selfish of the doctor to go away and never think of me. (produces crumpled telegram from pocket) Oh, I forgot, this is for you! (hands it to her)
Aurora. Silly kid!
Tupper. Who's it from? Your young man? (reads wire over Aurora's shoulder)
Aurora. (opening it) 'Arf a mo'! It's from the dear Doctor. (aside) I'd know 'is 'and writing anywheres, it's sich a sorft 'and. (reads word for word) "Expect -- me -- back -- at -- half -- past -- four -- and --: please -- have -- my -- tea -- ready."
Tupper. (counts words on his fingers--sadly) There's extravagance. Blues a tenpence on a telegram, an' my clothes owin' for.
Aurora (aside) 'Ave 'is tea ready! That I will! As if I wouldn't 'ave it ready whenever 'e comes, bless 'im! (stuffs telegram in bosom, then fusses about room, putting things straight, starts scouring bureau)
Tupper. (watching her) I believe you're in love with the "Dear Doctor." (picks another fag end off ash-tray and lies on couch smoking it)
Aubora. Oh, go smoke! Little boys should be seen and not heard!
Tupper. Well, any'ow yer always tidyin' up 'is things an' neglectin' the missus, an' yer only 'arf 'is, yer know.
(Front door bell rings.)
Aurora. (snatches ladder quickly and goes to the door, saying to herself) 'Arf 'is, indeed! No! It's all for 'im--all for 'im!
(Exit Aurora. L. U.