Oh! Susannah! | Page 9

slightest noise, (reads) "It is my constant joy to know that you are devoting your days--and I daresay many of your nights--to the noble work of alleviating human suffering." (looks at her picture--reads) "I mean to do all that my money can do to help you to pursue your glorious profession with everything in your favor." Its too good to be true! (rises) No, it isn't Quayle's right again! Flo has brought me luck, and on our wedding day! (pause) The very day! That's what that silly old man with the dyed hair meant. By Jove! he is a fairy prince! Oh, Flo, Flo, what a honeymoon we'll have! (dances all over the room with delight, seizing a sofa cushion to dance with)
(Enter Aurora. followed by Ruby. Pearl. Waverly and Andrew in single file.)
Aurora. The Doctor'll see you directly. Take your seats, please.
(Ruby and Pearl sit on couch, Ruby L. of Pearl; Andrew and Waverly R. C, laughing.)
TABLEAU.
Doctor. (stops dancing suddenly--aside) Quayle's right again! They're flowing in, simply flowing in! (sits at table--to Waverly down r.) Good afternoon. Won't you sit down?
(Waverly sits O. P. corner.)
Now what can I do for you? What's the trouble, eh?
Andrew. (behind Doctor. slaps him on back, laughing) What do you take us for, Dull Boy?
Doctor. (turning round) Why, it's Merry Andrew!
Andrew. Of course it is! How are you? This is Mr. Vane, old friend of mine.
Waver. (other side of Doctor) How are you? (shakes hands)
Doctor. (between them) Not a patient? (to Andrew) Who are the ladies?
Waver. Don't you know your own cousins?
Doctor. (mystified) Cousins, what cousins?
Ruby. (coming down L. of him--Andrew gives way) Second cousins.
Pearl. (coming down r. of him--Waver, gives way) On mother's side.
Doctor. I know, you're the Plants from Southsea? But how could I recognise you? I haven't seen you for so long.
Pearl. (making eyes at Doctor) We hope to see you every day now; we're in town for a week.
Doctor. (aside) What does she make eyes at me like that for?
Ruby. Yes, just across the road--dear Jack!
Doctor. (aside) "Dear Jack?" This is very sudden! (to them) Er--have some tea? (rings bell on table)
Pearl. Oh, thank you. I love tea.
(Girls go to sofa--Boys follow.)
(Enter Aurora.)
Doctor. Some more tea, please, Aurora--hot, strong and quick!
Aurora. Yes, sir--hot, strong and quick, (dives under knee-hole of table)
Doctor. What are you doing there?
Aurora. (coming through) Getting out the teapot, sir.
TABLEAU. (Exit Aurora.)
Doctor. (back of sofa, to Ruby) And have you come up from Portsmouth with Merry Andrew?
Ruby. (confused) No--of course not, my dear Jack!
Doctor. But aren't you--eh?
Andrew. (laughs) You've guessed it in once, Dull Boy! But it's a secret.
Doctor. (pleased) I'm never wrong in a diagnosis. (shakes hands with Andrew) I congratulate you. (looks at Pearl) And you and Mr. Vane are---- (shaking hands with Waverly) I congratulate you----
(Pearl shakes her head.)
--Er--I mean I beg your pardon.
Waver. Don't mention it.
Andrew. You were having a jolly good caper when we came in; what's up?
Doctor. She's coming! (waves hand vaguely towards picture and sits on sofa between girls)
(Enter Aurora with tea.)
Andrew. (laughing) Oh, you've got a "she," have you? You dog! (back at sofa)
Aurora. (aside) 'E's got a she! (gasps audibly)
Ruby. Dear Jack!
Andrew. (to her) Here, not so much of your "dear Jack!"
Ruby. Don't be absurd, Andrew. he's my cousin.
(Andrew goes C.)
I congratulate you with all my heart, dear Jack! (kisses him)
(Aurora gasps again, louder.)
Pearl. And I congratulate you too! (kisses him)
( Aurora gasps a third time, loudest, and puts tray on tea-table, upsetting milk jug onto tray. Takes everything off tray quickly, pours spilt milk back into jug, wipes tray and mops milk off floor with apron, goes to fire and wrings out apron in fireplace.)
Doctor. (rises, goes up) You've got something on your chest, Aurora----
Aurora. Yes, sir. (takes out loaf of bread and puts it on the table)
Doctor. I must give you a tonic.
Aurora. (with fervour) Oh, do, sir. (goes C., aside) 'Is patient again! I wonder what colour it'll he this time? (to Doctor as he hands her the draught) Will this 'ere mix with that there, sir? (pointing at it)
Doctor. (snatching it back) No, I'm hanged if it will!1 (puts it down)
Aurora (aside) I was a little silly to speak. I did want to touch 'is 'and again. 'E's got sich a sorft 'and!
(Exit Aurora. sadly.)
Ruby. And what is your lady-love like?
Doctor. (pointing to Aunt's picture) That!
Pearl. Oh, isn't she pretty! (looks at Ruby grimacing) Who is she?
Doctor. My maiden aunt Susannah!
Andrew. Oh, Susannah! Now you're having a lark with us.
Doctor. No, I'm not--I leave larking to you. She's coming to-morrow.
Waver. To-morrow? We've got a box at the Hippodrome; you must come and bring your aunt.
Andrew. Yes, we'll trot her round.
(Doctor handing cigarettes to Andrew. who hands them to Waverly, and Waverly to girls.)
Doctor. No, no, she's not a trotter. She lives at Ambleside, and