New Irish Comedies | Page 3

going the road it is a
lonesome shadow I cast before me.
_Taig:_ _(Looking out of the door.)_ It is on this day I will be making
acquaintance with himself. My mother that sent him a request to come
meet me in this town on this day, it being the first of the summer.
_Darby:_ My own mother that did no less, telling me she got word
from Timothy he would come meet here with myself. It is certain he
will bring me into his house, she having wedded secondly with a
labouring man has got a job at Golden Hill in Lancashire. I would not
recognise him beyond any other one.
_Taig:_ I would recognise the signs of a big man. I wish I was within in

his kitchen. There is a pinch of hunger within in my heart.
_Darby:_ So there is within in myself.
_Taig:_ Is there nothing at all in the bag?
_Darby:_ It is a bit of a salted herring.
_Taig:_ Why wouldn't you use it?
_Darby:_ I would be delicate coming before him and the smell of it to
be on me, and all the grand meats will be at his table.
_Taig: (Showing a bottle.)_ The full of a pint I have of porter, that fell
from a tinker's car.
_Darby:_ I wonder you would not swallow it down for to keep courage
in your mind.
_Taig:_ It is what I am thinking, I to take it fasting, it might put
confusion and wildness in my head. I would wish, and I meeting with
him, my wits to be of the one clearness with his own. It is not long to
be waiting; it is in claret I will be quenching my thirst to-night, or in
punch!
_Darby: (Looking out.)_ I am nearly in dread meeting Timothy, fearing
I will not be pleasing to him, and I not acquainted with his habits.
_Taig:_ I would not be afeard, and Dermot to come sparkling in, and
seven horses in his coach.
_Darby:_ What way can I come before him at all? I would be better
pleased you to personate me and to stand up to him in my place.
_Taig:_ Any person to put orders on me, or to bid me change my habits,
I'd give no heed! I'd stand up to him in the spite of his teeth!
_Darby:_ If it wasn't for the hearthfires to be slackened with the
springtime, and my work to be lessened with the strengthening of the
sun, I'd sooner not see him till another moon is passed, or two moons.
_Taig:_ He to bid me read out the news of the world, taking me to be a
scholar, I'd give him words that are in no books! I'd give him newses!
I'd knock rights out of him or any one I ever seen.
_Darby:_ I could speak only of my trade. The boundaries of the world
to be between us, I'm thinking I'd never ask to go cross them at all.
_Taig:_ He to go into Court swearing witnesses and to bring me along
with him to face the judges and the whole troop of the police, I'd go
bail I'll be no way daunted or scared.
_Darby:_ What way can I keep company with him? I that was partly
reared in the workhouse. And he having a star on his hat and a golden

apple in his hand. He will maybe be bidding me to scour myself with
soapy water all the Sundays and Holy days of the year! I tell you I am
getting low hearted. I pray to the Lord to forgive me where I did not go
under the schoolmaster's rod!
_Taig:_ I that will shape crampy words the same as any scholar at all!
I'll let on to be a master of learning and of Latin!
_Darby:_ Ah, what letting on? It is Timothy will look through me the
same as if my eyes were windows, and my thoughts standing as plain
as cattle under the risen sun! It is easier letting on to have knowledge
than to put on manners and behaviour.
_Taig:_ Ah, what's manners but to refuse no man a share of your bite
and to keep back your hand from throwing stones?
_Darby:_ I tell you I'm in shivers! My heart that is shaking like an ivy
leaf! My bones that are loosened and slackened in the similitude of a
rope of tow! I'd sooner meet with a lion of the wilderness or the
wickedest wind of the hills! I thought it never would come to pass. I'd
sooner go into the pettiest house, the wildest home and the worst! Look
at here now. Let me stop along with yourself. I never let out so much of
my heart to