Nature and Human Nature | Page 3

to go to
sleep for the winter. Who on earth would have thought there was so
many here? Oh, children of Israel! What a lot there is, ain't there? Why,
the father of this island couldn't hold them all.'
"'Father of this island,' sais they, 'who is he?'
"'Why,' sais I, 'ain't this Prince Edward's?'
"'Why, yes,' sais they, looking still more puzzled.
"'Well,' sais I, 'in the middle of Halifax harbour is King George's Island,
and that must be the father of this.'
"Well if they could see any wit in that speech, it is more than I could, to
save my soul alive; but it is the easiest thing in the world to set a crowd
off a tee-heeing. They can't help it, for it is electrical. Go to the circus
now, and you will hear a stupid joke of the clown; well, you are
determined you won't laugh, but somehow you can't help it no how you
can fix it, although you are mad with yourself for doing so, and you just
roar out and are as big a fool as all the rest.
"Well it made them laugh, and that was enough for me.
"Sais I, 'the wust of it is, gentlemen, they are all so shocking large, and
there is no small ones among them; they can't be divided into lots, still,

as you seem to be disappointed, I will make you an offer for them, cash
down, all hard gold.' So I gave them a bid at a very low figure, say half
nothing, 'and,' sais I, 'I advise you not to take it, they are worth much
more, if a man only knows what to do with them. Some of your traders,
I make no manner of doubt, will give you twice as much if you will
only take your pay in goods, at four times their value, and perhaps they
mightent like your selling them to a stranger, for they are all
responsible government-men, and act accordin' 'to the well understood
wishes of the people.' I shall sail in two hours, and you can let me know;
but mind, I can only buy all or none, for I shall have to hire a vessel to
carry them. After all,' sais I, 'perhaps we had better not trade, for,'
taking out a handful of sovereigns from my pocket, and jingling them,
'there is no two ways about it; these little fellows are easier to carry by
a long chalk than them great lummokin' hackmetacks. Good bye,
gentlemen.'
"Well, one of the critters, who was as awkward as a wrong boot, soon
calls out, 'woh,' to me, so I turns and sais 'well, "old hoss," what do you
want?' At which they laughed louder than before.
"Sais he, 'we have concluded to take your offer.'
"'Well,' sais I, 'there is no back out in me, here is your money, the knees
is mine.' So I shipped them, and had the satisfaction to oblige them, and
put two hundred and fifty pounds in my pocket. There are three things,
Squire, I like in a spekelation:--First. A fair shake; Second. A fair profit;
and Third, a fair share of fun."
In the course of the afternoon, he said, "Squire, I have brought you my
Journal, for I thought when I was a startin' off, as there were some
things I should like to point out to my old friend, it would be as well to
deliver it myself and mention them, for what in natur' is the good of
letter writing? In business there is nothing like a good face to face talk.
Now, Squire, I am really what I assume to be--I am, in fact, Sam Slick
the Clockmaker, and nobody else. It is of no consequence however to
the world whether this is really my name or an assumed one. If it is the
first, it is a matter of some importance to take care of it and defend it; if
it is a fictitious one, it is equally so to preserve my incognito. I may not
choose to give my card, and may not desire to be known. A satirist, like
an Irishman, finds it convenient sometimes to shoot from behind a
shelter. Like him, too, he may occasionally miss his shot, and firing

with intent to do bodily harm is almost as badly punished as if death
had ensued. And besides, an anonymous book has a mystery about it.
Moreover, what more right has a man to say to you, 'Stand and deliver
your name,' than to say, 'Stand and fork out your purse'--I can't see the
difference for the life of me. Hesitation betrays guilt. If a person
inquires if you are to home, the servant is directed to say No, if you