My Double Life | Page 4

which smelt very nice. It stood in the
middle of a large room, with two lovely windows, which made me very

joyful, for I could see the ceiling of the street through them.
My mother, who had been sent for immediately, came to take care of
me, and I saw the rest of my family, my aunts and my cousins. My poor
little brain could not understand why all these people should suddenly
be so fond of me, when I had passed so many days and nights only
cared for by one single person.
As I was weakly, and my bones small and friable, I was two years
recovering from this terrible fall, and during that time was nearly
always carried about. I will pass over these two years of my life, which
have left me only a vague memory of being petted and of a chronic
state of torpor.

II
AT BOARDING SCHOOL
One day my mother took me on her knees and said to me, "You are a
big girl now, and you must learn to read and write." I was then seven
years old, and could neither read, write, nor count, as I had been five
years with the old nurse and two years ill. "You must go to school,"
continued my mother, playing with my curly hair, "like a big girl." I did
not know what all this meant, and I asked what a school was.
"It's a place where there are many little girls," replied my mother.
"Are they ill?" I asked.
"Oh no! They are quite well, as you are now, and they play together,
and are very gay and happy."
I jumped about in delight, and gave free vent to my joy, but on seeing
tears in my mother's eyes I flung myself in her arms.
"But what about you, Mamma?" I asked. "You will be all alone, and
you won't have any little girl."

She bent down to me and said: "God has told me that He will send me
some flowers and a little baby."
My delight was more and more boisterous. "Then I shall have a little
brother!" I exclaimed, "or else a little sister. Oh no, I don't want that; I
don't like little sisters."
Mamma kissed me very affectionately, and then I was dressed, I
remember, in a blue corded velvet frock, of which I was very proud.
Arrayed thus in all my splendour, I waited impatiently for Aunt
Rosine's carriage, which was to take us to Auteuil.
It was about three when she arrived. The housemaid had gone on about
an hour before, and I had watched with delight my little trunk and my
toys being packed into the carriage. The maid climbed up and took the
seat by the driver, in spite of my mother protesting at first against this.
When my aunt's magnificent equipage arrived, mamma was the first to
get in, slowly and calmly. I got in when my turn came, giving myself
airs, because the concierge and some of the shopkeepers were watching.
My aunt then sprang in lightly, but by no means calmly, after giving
her orders in English to the stiff, ridiculous-looking coachman, and
handing him a paper on which the address was written. Another
carriage followed ours, in which three men were seated: Régis L----, a
friend of my father's, General de P----, and an artist, named Fleury, I
think, whose pictures of horses and sporting subjects were very much
in vogue just then.
I heard on the way that these gentlemen were to make arrangements for
a little dinner near Auteuil, to console mamma for her great trouble in
being separated from me. Some other guests were to be there to meet
them. I did not pay very much attention to what my mother and my
aunt said to each other. Sometimes when they spoke of me they talked
either English or German, and smiled at me affectionately. The long
drive was greatly appreciated by me, for with my face pressed against
the window and my eyes wide open I gazed out eagerly at the grey
muddy road, with its ugly houses on each side, and its bare trees. I
thought it was all very beautiful, because it kept changing.

The carriage stopped at 18 Rue Boileau, Auteuil. On the iron gate was a
long, dark signboard, with gold letters. I looked up at it, and mamma
said, "You will be able to read that soon, I hope." My aunt whispered to
me, "Boarding School, Madame Fressard," and very promptly I said to
mamma, "It says 'Boarding School, Madame Fressard.'"
Mamma, my aunt, and the three gentlemen laughed heartily at my
assurance, and we entered the house. Madame Fressard came forward
to meet us, and I liked her at once. She