Mr. Scraggs | Page 3

I don't believe in no East nor West, nor Up nor Down, nor Sideways,
Lengthways, 'Cross-the-center, Top, Bottom, or Middle. I have lost my
faith in every ram-butted thing a man can hear, see, or touch, includin'
everything I've left out. That's me, Joe Bush.' He stopped a minute.
'Trouble--' says he. 'Trouble--I wisht nobody'd mention that word in my
hearin' again.'
"Well, he had us gummed fast, all right. Nobody in our outfit could
push up against such a world-without-end experience as that.
"But Scraggs was a gentleman; he didn't crowd us because we broke. In
fact, now that he'd had his say, he loosened up considerable, and every

now and then he'd even smile.
"Then come to us the queerest thing in that whole curiosity-shop of a
ranch. Its name was Alexander Fulton. I reckon Aleck was about
twenty-one by the almanac, and anywhere's from three to ninety by the
way you figure a man. Aleck stood six foot high as he stood, but if you
ran the tape along his curves he was about six-foot-four.
"He weighed one hundred and twenty pounds, of which twenty-five
went to head and fifty to feet. Feet! You never saw such feet. They
were the grandest feet that ever wore a man; long and high and wide,
and all that feet should be. Chawley said that Alexander had ground
plan enough for a company of nigger soldiers. And hung to Aleck's
running gear, they reminded you of the swinging jigger in a clock.
They almost make me forget his hands. When Aleck laid a flipper on a
cayuse's back, you'd think the critter was blanketed. And then there was
his Adam's apple--he had so many special features, it's hard to keep
track of them. About a foot of Aleck's protrudin' into air was due to
neck. In the center of that neck was an Adam's apple that any man
might be proud of.
"His complexion consisted of freckles; when you spoke to him sudden
he blushed, and then he looked for all the world like a stormy sunset.
His eyes were white, and so was his hair, and so was poor old
Aleck--as white a kid as they make 'em, and, beyond guessing, the
skeeriest--not relatin' to things, but to people. How he come to drift out
into our country was a story all by itself. He was disappointed in
love--he had to be. One look at him and you'd know why. So he sailed
out to the wild West, where he was about as useful as a trimmed nighty.
We always stood between Aleck and the old man, until the boy got so
he'd make straight once out of a possible five.
[Illustration: He was disappointed in love--he had to be.]
"First off, he was still; then, findin' himself in a confidential crowd, and
bustin' to let us know, his trouble, he told us all about it. He'd never
spoke to the girl, it seems, more'n to say, 'How-d'ye-do, ma'am,' and
blush, and sit on his hat, and make curious moves with them hands and
feet; but there come another feller along, and Alexander quit.
"'You got away?' says Scraggs. 'Permit me to congratulate you, sir!'
And he took hold of as much of Aleck's right wing as he could gather,
and shook it hard. 'Alas!' says he, 'how different is the tale I have to

tell.'
"'But I didn't want to come away!' stutters Alexander.
"'Didn't want to?' cries Scraggs, letting the pipe fall out of his mouth.
Then he turns to me and taps his brow with his finger, casting a pitying
eye on Aleck.
"As time went on Aleck got worse and worse. He had a case of
ingrowing affection; it cut his weight down to ninety pounds. With him
leaving himself at that rate, you could take pencil and paper and figure
to the minute when Alexander Fulton was booked to cross the big
divide. And we liked the kid. In spite of his magnificent feet, and his
homeliness, and his thumb-handsidedness, I got to feel sort of as if he
was my boy--though if ever I have a boy like Aleck, I put in my vote
for marriage being a failure, and everything lost, honor and all.
Probably it was more as if he was a puppy-dog, or some other little
critter that couldn't take care of itself. Anyhow, we got worked up
about the matter, and talked it over considerable when he was out of
hearing. It come to this: there was no earthly use in trying to get Aleck
to go back and make a play at the girl. He'd ha' fell dead at the thought
of it. That left nothing but to bring the girl to Aleck. You see, we
thought if we told