Mr. Dooley Says | Page 8

a livery stable, th' first thing she'd do wud be to get a broom,
sweep up th' flure, open th' windows, disinfect th' booths, take th'
harness fr'm th' walls, an' hang up a pitcher iv Niagary be moonlight,
chase out th' watchers an' polis, remove th' seegars, make th' judges get
a shave, an' p'raps invalydate th' iliction. It's no job f'r her, an' I told her
so.
"'We demand a vote,' says she. 'All right,' says I, 'take mine. It's old, but
it's trustworthy an' durable. It may look a little th' worse f'r wear fr'm
bein' hurled again a republican majority in this counthry f'r forty years,
but it's all right. Take my vote an' use it as ye please,' says I, 'an' I'll get
an hour or two exthry sleep iliction day mornin',' says I. 'I've voted so
often I'm tired iv it annyhow,' says I. 'But,' says I, 'why shud anny wan
so young an' beautiful as ye want to do annything so foolish as to vote?'
says I. 'Ain't we intilligent enough?' says she. 'Ye'ar too intilligent,' says
I. 'But intilligence don't give ye a vote.'
"'What does, thin,' says she. 'Well,' says I, 'enough iv ye at wan time
wantin' it enough. How many ladies ar-re there in ye'er Woman's
Rights Club?' 'Twinty,' says she. 'Make it three hundher,' says I, 'an'
ye'll be on ye'er way. Ye'er mother doesn't want it, does she? No, nor
ye'er sister Katie? No, nor ye'er cousin, nor ye'er aunt? All that iliction
day means to thim is th' old man goin' off in th' mornin' with a light
step an' fire in his eye, an' comin' home too late at night with a dent in

his hat, news-boys hollerin' exthries with th' news that fifty-four votes
had been cast in th' third precint in th' sivinth ward at 8 o'clock, an'
Packy an' Aloysius stealin' bar'ls fr'm th' groceryman f'r th' bone-fire. If
they iver join ye an' make up their minds to vote, they'll vote. Ye bet
they will.'
"'Ye see, 'twas this way votin' come about. In th' beginnin' on'y th' king
had a vote, an' ivrybody else was a Chinyman or an Indyan. Th' king
clapped his crown on his head an' wint down to th' polls, marked a
cross at th' head iv th' column where his name was, an' wint out to
cheer th' returns. Thin th' jooks got sthrong, an' says they: Votin' seems
a healthy exercise an' we'd like to thry it. Give us th' franchise or we'll
do things to ye. An' they got it. Thin it wint down through th' earls an'
th' markises an' th' rest iv th' Dooley fam'ly, till fin'lly all that was left
iv it was flung to th' ign'rant masses like Hinnissy, because they made a
lot iv noise an' threatened to set fire to th' barns.'
"'An' there ye ar-re. Ye'll niver get it be askin' th' polis f'r it. No wan
iver got his rights fr'm a polisman, an' be th' same token, there ar-re no
rights worth havin' that a polisman can keep ye fr'm gettin'. Th' ladies
iv London ar-re followin' the right coorse, on'y there ain't enough iv
thim. If there were forty thousand iv thim ar-rmed with hat pins an'
prepared to plunge th' same into th' stomachs iv th' inimies iv female
suffrage, an' if, instead iv faintin' in th' ar-rms iv th' constablry, they
charged an' punctured thim an' broke their way into th' House iv
Commons, an' pulled th' wig off the speaker, an' knocked th' hat over
th' eyes iv th' prime ministher it wudden't be long befure some mimber
wud talk in his sleep in their favor. Ye bet! If ye'er suffrage club was
composed iv a hundhred thousand sturdy ladies it wudden't be long
befure Bill O'Brien wud be sindin' ye a box iv chocolate creams f'r ye'er
vote.'
"'Some day ye may get a vote, but befure ye do I'll r-read this in th'
pa-apers: A hundhred thousand armed an' detarmined women invaded
th' capital city to-day demandin' th' right to vote. They chased th' polis
acrost th' Pottymac, mobbed a newspaper that was agin th' bill, an'
tarred an' feathered Sinitor Glue, th' leader iv th' opposition. At 10

o'clock a rumor spread that th' Prisident wud veto th' bill, an' instantly a
huge crowd iv excited females gathered in front of the White House,
hurlin' rocks an' cryin' 'Lynch him!' Th' tumult was on'y quelled whin
th' Prisident's wife appeared on th' balcony an' made a brief speech. She
said she was a mimber iv th' local suffrage club, an' she felt safe in
assuring her sisters that th' bill wud be signed. If nicissry, she wud sign
it