Mr Dooleys Philosophy

Mr. Dooley's Philosophy, by
Finley Peter Dunne

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Title: Mr. Dooley's Philosophy
Author: Finley Peter Dunne
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MR. DOOLEY'S PHILOSOPHY
by
FINLEY PETER DUNNE

Illustrated by
F. OPPER.

[Illustration: POOR PEOPLE 'LL HAVE SIMPLE MEALS.]

To the Hennessys of the world who suffer and are silent

PREFACE

The reporter of these monologues would apologize for the frequent
reappearances of Mr. Dooley, if he felt the old gentleman would
appreciate an apology in his behalf. But Mr. Dooley has none of the
modesty that has been described as "an invention for protection against
envy," because unlike that one of his distinguished predecessors who
discovered this theory to excuse his own imperfect but boastful egotism,
he recognizes no such human failing as envy. Most of the papers in the
present collection of the sayings of this great and learned man have
appeared in the press of America and England. This will account for the
fact that they deal with subjects that have pressed hard upon the minds
of newspaper readers, statesmen, and tax-payers during the year. To
these utterances have been added a number of obiter dicta by the
philosopher, which, perhaps, will be found to have the reminiscent
flavor that appertains to the observations of all learned judges when
they are off the bench.
In some cases the sketches have been remodeled and care has been
taken to correct typographical blunders, except where they seemed to
improve the text. In this connection the writer must offer his profound
gratitude to the industrious typographer, who often makes two jokes
grow where only one grew before, and has added generously to the
distress of amateur elocutionists.
F. P. D.

CONTENTS
A BOOK REVIEW AMERICANS ABROAD SERVANT GIRL
PROBLEM THE TRANSVAAL WAR AND WAR MAKERS
UNDERESTIMATING THE ENEMY THE WAR EXPERT
MODERN EXPLOSIVES THE BOER MISSION THE CHINESE
SITUATION MINISTER WU THE FUTURE OF CHINA
PLATFORM MAKING THE YACHT RACES POLYGAMY PUBLIC
FICKLENESS KENTUCKY POLITICS YOUNG ORATORY
PUBLIC GRATITUDE MARRIAGE AND POLITICS ALCOHOL AS
FOOD HIGH FINANCE THE PARIS EXPOSITION CHRISTIAN

JOURNALISM THE ADMIRAL'S CANDIDACY CUSTOMS OF
KENTUCKY A SOCIETY SCANDAL DOINGS OF ANARCHISTS
ANGLO-AMERICAN SPORTS VOICES FROM THE TOMB THE
NEGRO PROBLEM THE AMERICAN STAGE TROUBLES OF A
CANDIDATE A BACHELOR'S LIFE THE EDUCATION OF THE
YOUNG "L'AIGLON" CASUAL OBSERVATIONS
* * * * *

A BOOK REVIEW
"Well sir," said Mr. Dooley, "I jus' got hold iv a book, Hinnissy, that
suits me up to th' handle, a gran' book, th' grandest iver seen. Ye know
I'm not much throubled be lithrachoor, havin' manny worries iv me
own, but I'm not prejudiced again' books. I am not. Whin a rale good
book comes along I'm as quick as anny wan to say it isn't so bad, an'
this here book is fine. I tell ye 'tis fine."
"What is it?" Mr. Hennessy asked languidly.
"'Tis 'Th' Biography iv a Hero be Wan who Knows.' 'Tis 'Th' Darin'
Exploits iv a Brave Man be an Actual Eye Witness.' 'Tis 'Th' Account
iv th' Desthruction iv Spanish Power in th' Ant Hills,' as it fell fr'm th'
lips iv Tiddy Rosenfelt an' was took down be his own hands. Ye see
'twas this way, Hinnissy, as I r-read th' book. Whin Tiddy was blowed
up in th' harbor iv Havana he instantly con-cluded they must be war. He
debated th' question long an' earnestly an' fin'lly passed a jint resolution
declarin' war. So far so good. But there was no wan to carry it on. What
shud he do? I will lave th'