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gesture the visitor
faced the proprietor of the film studio. "I would like to secure a place in
your moving-picture company," he said.
"You are an actor?" asked the film man.
"Yes."
"Had any experience acting without audiences?"
A flicker of sadness shone in the visitor's eyes as he replied:
"Acting without audiences is what brought me here!"
It was a death-bed scene, but the director was not satisfied with the
hero's acting.
"Come on!" he cried. "Put more life in your dying!"
"Pa, what's an actor?"
"An actor, my boy, is a person who can walk to the side of a stage, peer
into the wings at a group of other actors waiting for their cues, a
number of bored stage hands and a lot of theatrical odds and ends and
exclaim, 'What a lovely view there is from this window!'"
"There were two actresses in an early play of mine," said an author,
"both very beautiful; but the leading actress was thin. She quarreled one
day at rehearsal with the other lady, and she ended the quarrel by
saying, haughtily: 'Remember, please, that I am the star.'
"'Yes, I know you're the star,' the other retorted, eyeing with an amused
smile the leading actress's long, slim figure, 'but you'd look better, my
dear, if you were a little meteor!'"
INTERVIEWER--"What is your wife's favorite dish?"
HUSBAND OF FAMOUS MOVIE ACTRESS--"In the magazines it is

peach-bloom fudge-cake with orangewisp salad, but at home it is tripe
and cabbage."--Puck.
The actress stood before her mirror, in doublet and hose, and regarded
her thin legs anxiously.
"I'm not exactly a poem," said she, "but I may pass for heroic verse."

ADVERTISING
_The Question is How Much More?_
TO RENT--In private home, a large, handsomely furnished front room;
also a medium-sized one; every convenience; centrally and very
choicely located; rent more than reasonable. Address, etc.--
Advertising is the test of integrity; the proof of integrity; that transmits
an ever-increasing confidence to both producer and purchaser.
"I won't pay one cent for my advertising this week," declared the
store-keeper angrily to the editor of the country paper. "You told me
you'd put the notice of my shoe-polish in with the reading-matter."
"And didn't I do it?" inquired the editor.
"No, sir!" roared the advertiser. "No, sir, you did not! You put it in the
column with a mess of poetry, that's where you put it!"
"Paw, what is an advertisement?"
"An advertisement is the picture of a pretty girl eating, wearing,
holding or driving something that somebody wants to sell."
A violinist was bitterly disappointed with the account of his recital
printed in the paper of a small town.
"I told your man three or four times," complained the musician to the
owner of the paper, "that the instrument I used was a genuine
Stradivarius, and in his story there was not a word about it, not a word."
Whereupon the owner said with a laugh:
"That is as it should be. When Mr. Stradivarius gets his fiddles
advertised in my paper under ten cents a line, you come around and let
me know."
"Oh, we called about the flat advertised."
"Well, I did mean to let it, but since I've read the house-agent's
description of it, I really feel I can't part with it."
CLASSIFIED AD MANAGER--"Your advertisement begins: 'Wanted:
Silent Partner.'"
ADVERTISER--"Yes, that's right."

CLASSIFIED AD MANAGER--"Do you want this placed under
Business Opportunities or Matrimony?"
"Say, Jim," said the friend of the taxicab-driver, standing in front of the
vehicle, "there's a purse lying on the floor of your car."
The driver looked carefully around and then whispered: "Sometimes
when business is bad I put it there and leave the door open. It's empty,
but you've no idea how many people'll jump in for a short drive when
they see it."
Recently the L. P. Ross Shoe Company inserted an advertisement in a
Rochester paper for vampers and closers-up. Among the answers
received was one from a young lady who signed herself Miss Mabelle
Jones and gave her address as General Delivery, Rochester. The letter
said in part:
"_Gentlemen_: I have seen your ad for vampires and close-ups and I
would like the job. I have been studying to vamp for several years and
have been practising eye work for a long while. My gentlemen friends
tell me that I have the other movie vamps backed off the map. I have
made a particular study of Theda Bara. I don't know much about
close-ups, but suppose I could learn. I have a good form, swell brown
eyes, and a fine complexion."
"If you would like, I will call and show you what I can do. I have been
looking for a vampire job, but never saw no ads in the papers before."