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George Ade

In the meantime the Grass Widow was living at the Waldorf-Astoria.
MORAL: Those who are Entitled to it Get it sooner or later.

THE FABLE OF THE HONEST MONEY-MAKER AND THE
PARTNER OF HIS JOYS, SUCH AS THEY WERE
The Prosperous Farmer lived in an Agricultural Section of the Middle
West. He commanded the Respect of all his Neighbors. He owned a
Section, and had a Raft of big Horses and white-faced Cows and Farm
Machinery, and Money in the Bank besides. He still had the first Dollar

he ever made, and it could not have been taken away from him with
Pincers.
Henry was a ponderous, Clydesdale kind of Man, with Warts on his
Hands. He did not have to travel on Appearances, because the whole
County knew what he was Worth. Of course he was Married. Years
before he had selected a willing Country Girl with Pink Cheeks, and
put her into his Kitchen to serve the Remainder of her Natural Life. He
let her have as high as Two Dollars a Year to spend for herself. Her
Hours were from 6 A.M. to 6 A.M., and if she got any Sleep she had to
take it out of her Time. The Eight-Hour Day was not recognized on
Henry's Place.
[Illustration: HENRY]
After Ten Years of raising Children, Steaming over the Washtub,
Milking the Cows, Carrying in Wood, Cooking for the Hands, and
other Delsarte such as the Respected Farmer usually Frames Up for his
Wife, she was as thin as a Rail and humped over in the Shoulders. She
was Thirty, and looked Sixty. Her Complexion was like Parchment and
her Voice had been worn to a Cackle. She was losing her Teeth, too,
but Henry could not afford to pay Dentist Bills because he needed all
his Money to buy more Poland Chinas and build other Cribs. If she
wanted a Summer Kitchen or a new Wringer or a Sewing Machine, or
Anything Else that would lighten her Labors, Henry would Moan and
Grumble and say she was trying to land him in the Poorhouse.
They had a dandy big Barn, painted Red With White Trimmings, and a
Patent Fork to lift the Hay into the Mow, and the Family lived in a Pine
Box that had not been Painted in Years and had Dog-Fennel all around
the Front of it.
The Wife of the Respected Farmer was the only Work Animal around
the Place that was not kept Fat and Sleek. But, of course, Henry did not
count on Selling her. Henry often would fix up his Blooded Stock for
the County Fair and tie Blue Ribbons on the Percherons and Herefords,
but it was never noticed that he tied any Blue Ribbons on the Wife.

And yet Henry was a Man to be Proud of. He never Drank and he was a
Good Hand with Horses, and he used to go to Church on Sunday
Morning and hold a Cud of Tobacco in his Face during Services and
sing Hymns with Extreme Unction. He would sing that he was a Lamb
and had put on the Snow-White Robes and that Peace attended him.
People would see him there in his Store Suit, with the Emaciated Wife
and the Scared Children sitting in the Shadow of his Greatness, and
they said that she was Lucky to have a Man who was so Well Off and
lived in the Fear of the Lord.
Henry was Patriotic as well as Pious. He had a Picture of Abraham
Lincoln in the Front Room, which no one was permitted to Enter, and
he was glad that Slavery had been abolished.
Henry robbed the Cradle in order to get Farm-Hands. As soon as the
Children were able to Walk without holding on, he started them for the
Corn-Field, and told them to Pay for the Board that they had been
Sponging off of him up to that Time. He did not want them to get too
much Schooling for fear that they would want to sit up at Night and
Read instead of Turning In so as to get an Early Start along before
Daylight next Morning. So they did not get any too much, rest easy.
And he never Foundered them on Stick Candy or Raisins or any such
Delicatessen for sale at a General Store. Henry was undoubtedly the
Tightest Wad in the Township. Some of the Folks who had got into a
Box through Poor Management, and had been Foreclosed out of House
and Home by Henry and his Lawyer, used to say that Henry was a Skin,
and was too Stingy to give his Family enough to Eat, but most People
looked up to Henry, for there was no getting around it that he was
Successful.
[Illustration:
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