Monsieur de Pourceaugnac | Page 9

yourself a prey To melancholy sway. We'll make you laugh, I trow,
With songs harmonious, gay. Unto us your cure is dear, For that alone
we're here. Good day, good day, good day!
1ST PHYSICIAN. Nought else is madness true Save melancholy blue.
Not lost is he, Though sick he be, Who sips of mirth the dew. Nought
else is madness true Save melancholy blue.
2ND PHYSICIAN. Up then! sing loud, and dance and play, "Better still
I'd do!" you say. Delirium's nigh--if you must pine, Take first some
wine; And sometimes, too, take your tabàc Right joyfully, Monsu
Pourceaugnac.

SCENE XIV.--BALLET.

SCENE XV.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, AN APOTHECARY.

APO. Sir, here is a little remedy; a little remedy which you must take,
if you please; if you please.
MR. POUR. How? I have no occasion for anything of the kind.
APO. It was ordered, Sir; it was ordered.
MR. POUR. Ah! What noise and bother.
APO. Take it, Sir; take it, Sir. It will do you no harm; it will do you no
harm, &c.
(MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC _runs away, the_ APOTHECARY, _&c.
after him_.)

SCENE XVI.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, AN APOTHECARY,
TWO PHYSICIANS (_in grotesque clothes_).
THE TWO PHYSICIANS. Piglialo sù, Signor Monsu; Piglialo, piglialo,
piglialo sù, Che non ti fara, male, &c.
[Translation:] Take it, take it. Sir; it will do you no harm, &c.

ACT II.
SCENE I.--1ST PHYSICIAN, SBRIGANI.
1ST PHY. He has forced through every obstacle I had placed to hinder
him, and has fled from the remedies I was beginning to prepare for him.
SBRI. To avoid remedies so salutary as yours is to be a great enemy to
oneself.
1ST PHY. It is the mark of a disturbed brain and of a depraved reason
to be unwilling to be cured.
SBRI. You would have cured him, for certain, in no time.
1ST PHY. Certainly; though there had been the complication of a
dozen diseases.
SBRI. With all that he makes you lose those fifty well-earned pistoles.
1ST PHY. I have no intention of losing them; and I am determined to
cure him in spite of himself. He is bound and engaged to take my
remedies; and I will have him seized, wherever I can find him, as a
deserter from physic and an infringer of my prescriptions.
SBRI. You are right. Your medicines were sure of their effect; and it is
so much money he takes from you.
1ST PHY. Where could I find him?
SBRI. No doubt, at the house of that goodman Oronte, whose daughter

he comes to marry; and who, knowing nothing of the infirmity of his
future son-in-law, will perhaps be in a hurry to conclude the marriage.
1ST PHY. I will go and speak to him at once.
SBRI. You should, in justice to yourself.
1ST PHY. He is in need of my consultations; and a patient must not
make a fool of his doctor.
SBRI. That is well said; and, if I were you, I would not suffer him to
marry till you have physicked him to your heart's content.
1ST PHY. Leave that to me.
SBRI. (_aside, and going_). For my part, I will bring another battery
into play; for the father-in-law is as much of a dupe as the son-in-law.

SCENE II.--ORONTE, 1ST PHYSICIAN.
1ST PHY. A certain gentleman, Sir, a Mr. de Pourceaugnac, is to marry
your daughter; is he not?
ORO. Yes; I expect him from Limoges, and he ought to have been here
before now.
1ST PHY. And he has come; he has run away from my house, after
having been placed under my care; but I forbid you, in the name of the
faculty, to proceed with the marriage you have decided upon, before I
have duly prepared him for it, and put him in a state to have children
well-conditioned both in mind and body.
ORO. What is it you mean?
1ST PHY. Your intended son-in-law was entered as my patient. His
disease which was given me to cure is a chattel which belongs to me,
and which I reckon among my possessions. I therefore declare to you
that I will not allow him to marry before he has rendered due
satisfaction to the faculty, and submitted to the remedies which I have
ordered for him.
ORO. He is suffering from some disease?
1ST PHY. Yes.
ORO. And from what disease, if you please?
1ST PHY. Don't trouble yourself about that.
ORO. Is it some disease....?
1ST PHY. Doctors are bound to keep things secret. Let it suffice you
that I enjoin both you and your daughter not to celebrate the wedding
without my consent, upon pain of incurring the displeasure of the

faculty, and of undergoing all the diseases which we choose to lay upon
you.
ORO. If