Mens Wives | Page 4

her profession, to be vulgar and Radical, and loved the
theatrical gossip in which the other mentioned journal abounds.
The fact is, that the "Royal Bootjack," though a humble, was a very
genteel house; and a very little persuasion would induce Mr. Crump, as
he looked at his own door in the sun, to tell you that he had himself
once drawn off with that very bootjack the top-boots of His Royal
Highness the Prince of Wales and the first gentleman in Europe. While,
then, the houses of entertainment in the neighbourhood were loud in
their pretended Liberal politics, the "Bootjack" stuck to the good old
Conservative line, and was only frequented by such persons as were of
that way of thinking. There were two parlours, much accustomed, one
for the gentlemen of the shoulder-knot, who came from the houses of
their employers hard by; another for some "gents who used the 'ouse,"
as Mrs. Crump would say (Heaven bless her!) in her simple Cockniac
dialect, and who formed a little club there.
I forgot to say that while Mrs. C. was sipping her eternal tea or washing

up her endless blue china, you might often hear Miss Morgiana
employed at the little red-silk cottage piano, singing, "Come where the
haspens quiver," or "Bonny lad, march over hill and furrow," or "My
art and lute," or any other popular piece of the day. And the dear girl
sang with very considerable skill, too, for she had a fine loud voice,
which, if not always in tune, made up for that defect by its great energy
and activity; and Morgiana was not content with singing the mere tune,
but gave every one of the roulades, flourishes, and ornaments as she
heard them at the theatres by Mrs. Humby, Mrs. Waylett, or Madame
Vestris. The girl had a fine black eye like her mamma, a grand
enthusiasm for the stage, as every actor's child will have, and, if the
truth must be known, had appeared many and many a time at the
theatre in Catherine Street, in minor parts first, and then in Little Pickle,
in Desdemona, in Rosina, and in Miss Foote's part where she used to
dance: I have not the name to my hand, but think it is Davidson. Four
times in the week, at least, her mother and she used to sail off at night
to some place of public amusement, for Mrs. Crump had a mysterious
acquaintance with all sorts of theatrical personages; and the gates of her
old haunt "The Wells," of the "Cobourg" (by the kind permission of
Mrs. Davidge), nay, of the "Lane" and the "Market" themselves, flew
open before her "Open sesame," as the robbers' door did to her
colleague, Ali Baba (Hornbuckle), in the operatic piece in which she
was so famous.
Beer was Mr. Crump's beverage, diversified by a little gin, in the
evenings; and little need be said of this gentleman, except that he
discharged his duties honourably, and filled the president's chair at the
club as completely as it could possibly be filled; for he could not even
sit in it in his greatcoat, so accurately was the seat adapted to him. His
wife and daughter, perhaps, thought somewhat slightingly of him, for
he had no literary tastes, and had never been at a theatre since he took
his bride from one. He was valet to Lord Slapper at the time, and
certain it is that his lordship set him up in the "Bootjack," and that
stories HAD been told. But what are such to you or me? Let bygones
be bygones; Mrs. Crump was quite as honest as her neighbours, and
Miss had five hundred pounds to be paid down on the day of her
wedding.
Those who know the habits of the British tradesman are aware that he

has gregarious propensities like any lord in the land; that he loves a
joke, that he is not averse to a glass; that after the day's toil he is happy
to consort with men of his degree; and that as society is not so far
advanced among us as to allow him to enjoy the comforts of splendid
club-houses, which are open to many persons with not a tenth part of
his pecuniary means, he meets his friends in the cosy tavern parlour,
where a neat sanded floor, a large Windsor chair, and a glass of hot
something and water, make him as happy as any of the clubmen in their
magnificent saloons.
At the "Bootjack" was, as we have said, a very genteel and select
society, called the "Kidney Club," from the fact that on Saturday
evenings a little graceful supper of broiled kidneys was usually
discussed by the members of the club. Saturday was their grand night;
not but