Male G-Spot | Page 9

that few of us are total experts in all things sexual. Maybe you have a
ways to go to learn about your subtle orgasmic triggers and keys to sacred ecstasy.
Regardless, the more you talk with your partner about what you want and what you’re
feeling, the quicker you’ll both learn what you can do to get it.
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Realize that learning about what you want is a continual process, even if you’ve been
married for decades.
Therefore, give clear guidance about what you like. Talk when appropriate, and show
non-verbally what’s getting your engine going. Find gentle ways to give feedback to
guide your lover to turn you on to the max.
When you’re in the throes of less-than-stellar lovemaking, you’ve probably already
bypassed many opportunities for sexual communication. We don’t recommend calling a
sudden halt to your play if you can avoid it. If there’s something really awful your part-
ner does once or repeatedly, talk it over when you’re NOT in bed. Wait until the next day
and explain how important this is to you.
And give your partner some strong reinforcement of what you do that works so well.
Do your best not to indict your partner’s desirability or lovability. Don’t compare this
lover to other lovers. Make it clear this isn’t a black mark against your partner’s desir-
ability, love, or value.
Remember, sex is the kind of teamwork where you’re each 100% responsible for
what happens to you. Part of your job is also to support your partner to build confi-
dence. So if you’re not getting what you want, don’t use blame, use positive supportive
communication.
EXERCISE: Tantric Sex Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about...
•How would you like your sex life to be more Tantric?
•What turn ons and sexual needs would you like your partner to better under-
stand?
•What sexual topics do you feel shy talking about? How can you overcome
this?

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•When and how will you tell your partner more of what you want and don’t
want?
•How can you encourage and support the lovemaking you receive so you
lover’s confidence is reinforced?
Safe, Smart, & Conscious Sex
Sex with total consciousness is Tantric Sex. Tantra says “yes” to whatever you desire
with consciousness. Though we may advocate sexuality in any form you choose, we urge
you not to act in an unsafe manner.
Serious STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) such as HIV (the AIDS virus) and
Hepatitis C are transmitted through fluid exchange. Other STDs are transmitted
through sexual contact.
If you’re sexually active outside a long-term committed relationship, it behooves you
to pay attention to the levels of risk of the sex practices you choose to engage in. If you
want to enjoy unprotected contact with your lover or you’re concerned about being
infected, it’s your responsibility to check it out before exchanging fluids. Your doctor or
county health department can provide you with tests for the health-threatening STDs.
Please be conscious, learn all you can, and look after your birth control and sexual
health.
When we were first together, we talked openly about our sexual practices and de-
cided very quickly we trusted each other’s judgment and behavior. Even so, we got
tested, used condoms for several months, and then were tested again before we went
skin to skin fully.
Take Care Of Yourself To Be Fully Present
If either partner has any concerns about contracting any kind of infection (even a
cold) or getting pregnant, part of that person isn’t totally present for any loving experi-
ence you may be having. It detracts from you being fully present for Tantric Sex.
To prevent transmission of the most health-threatening diseases as well as most of
the others, you need to prevent the exchange of bodily fluids with partners who haven’t
been tested. We recommend barriers like condoms for jewel union and fellatio, plastic
wrap or dental dams for cunnilingus. Female condoms are readily available too.
We’re always prepared so we don’t get caught unprotected in a hot moment. We —
and all our Tantric friends — carry a valise d’ amour, French for little sex bag, with our
condoms, lubricants, and special tools.
What’s our bottom line? We avoid any sexual play with untested partners that would
allow bodily fluid, mucous, blood, or ejaculate to contact an open wound, sore, or mu-
cous membrane (such as inside yoni, Tantric for vagina, or the mouth).
We urge you to do the same.

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EXERCISE: Smart Sex Discussion Questions
Here are some questions to reflect on, journal, or talk about...
•What birth control methods are you comfortable using?
•What methods of protecting against sexually transmitted diseases are you
committed to?
•How will you stick to these guidelines during the heat of sexual play?
Partnering Questions
Because Tantrikas use sexual play as a potent tool to raise awareness, we address,
discuss, and study sex more than the average person. We learn to look inside, under-
stand what we’re wanting and feeling now, and then talk about it. Part of this openness
includes agreeing on safe sex practices before lovemaking.
And we