Lyra Frivola | Page 7

face the foe-man,
boldly bear the battle's brunt,
With our Placets to assist us
and our chaperons in front!
[Alarums; Excursions--special trains for voters.]
(A violation of the rule_ "Ne pueros coram populo Medea trucidet" is about to commence, when--_)
Enter APOLLO
(With apologies to Dr V-rr-ll for his profligate character.)
When all too deftly poets tie the knot?And can't untwist their complicated plot,?'Tis then that comes by Jove's supreme decrees?The useful theos apo mechanes. [5]?Rash youths! forbear ungallantly to vex?Your fellow students of the softer sex!?Ladies! proud leaders of our culture's van,?Crush not too cruelly the reptile Man!?Or by experience you, as now, will learn?Th' eternal maxim's truth, that e'en a worm will turn.
[1. Transcriber's note: The words "Pheu" and "pheu" were transliterated from the Greek as follows: "Pheu"--Phi, epsilon, upsilon; "pheu"--phi, epsilon, upsilon.]
[2. Transcriber's note: The words "otototoi" and "ototototoi" were transliterated from the Greek as follows: the "ot" pairs--omicron (with the rough-breathing diacritical), tau; the trailing "i"--iota.]
[3. Transcriber's note: The word "Nous" was transliterated from the Greek as follows: Nu, omicron, upsilon, sigma.]
[4. Transcriber's note: The "a" and "B" following each "Hemich" were transliterated from the Greek "alpha" and "Beta", respectively.]
[5. Transcriber's note: The phrase "theos apo mechanes" was transliterated from the Greek as follows: "theos"--theta, epsilon, omicron, sigma; "apo"--alpha, pi, omicron; "mechanes"--mu, eta, chi, alpha, nu, eta, sigma.]
QUADRIVIAD, ll. 1-51
Arma virosque cano: procul o, procul este profani:?nescio mentiri: si quis mendacia quaerit?in vespertinis quaerat mendacia chartis.?me neque multo iterum Pharsalia sanguine tincta?nec tam Larissa nuper fugitiva relicta?Graecia percussit, quam Curia Municipalis?Principis augusta dextra Cambrensis aperta,?atque novae longis imbutae litibus aedes:?omnia quae vobis canerem si tempus haberem?aut spatium: sed non habeo, varias ob causas.?nunc civilia bella viaeque cruore rubentes?Musae sufficient et Quadrivialis Enyo.?Nox erat et caeio fulgebat luna sereno?desuper: in terris fulgebat Serica lampas?plurima, et ornatis pendent vexilla fenestris.?spectando gaudent cives: academica pubes?palatur passim plateis aut ordine facto?proruit ignavum cives pecus: omnia late?laetitia magni praesentia Principis implet.?Metropolitanae custos, Robertule, pacis,?tu quoque laetus ades, nec dedignaris amice?inter ridentem comis ridere popellum.?ecce tamen Furiae Martini desuper arce?dant belli signum: ruit undique vulgus ad arma:?procuratores obsistunt subgraduatis,?civibus iratis obsistunt subgraduati?et cives illis: pacis custodibus, omnes.?turba venit diris ultrix accincta bacillis:?Metropolitani vecti per strata caballis?proturbant cunctos, reliquos in carcere claudunt.?Consiliarius en! Urbanus in occiput ipse?percutitur nec scit quisnam cere comminuat brum:?namque negant omnes, et adhuc sub judice lis est.?quid Medicina viris jurisve peritia prodest,?jurisconsultos dubio si jure coercent?vincula, nec proprios arcet Medicina bacillos??heu pietas, heu prisca fides! neglectus alumnus?Tutorem in vacua tristis desiderat aula:?interea Tutor sub judice municipali?litigat, et jurat nil se fecisse nefandum,?obtestans divos: nec creditur obtestanti.?quid referam versos equites iterumque reversos?subgraduatorum pellentes agmina ferro,?inque pavimentis equitantes undique turmas??proh pudor! o mores, o tempora! forsitan olim?exercens operam curvo Moderator aratro?inveniet mixtis capitum fragmenta galeris?relliquias pugnae, et mentem mortalia tangent.?me sacer Aegidius Musarum fana colentem?aegide defendit, perque ignea tela, per hostes?incolumem vexitque tuens rursusque revexit.
MUSICAL DEGREES
Too oft there grows a painful thorn the floweret's stalk upon: Behind each cupboard's gilded doors there lurks a Skeleton: The crumpled roseleaf mocks repose, beneath the bed of down: In proof of which attend the tale of Bach Beethoven Brown.
Beethoven Brown could play and sing before he learnt to crawl: Piano, bones, or ophicleide--he played upon them all!?Some talk of Paderewski, or of Dr Joachim--?These artists meritorious are, but can't compare with him.
No faults or errors technical his Symphonies deface:?He calculates in counterpoint, he thinks in thoroughbass: Composers of celebrity--musicians of renown--?Confess that they're inferior far to Bach Beethoven Brown.
As conquerors, their triumphs won, new fields before them see, So Mr Brown resolved to have a Musical Degree:?Some say that it the title was and others say the gown?That captive took the soaring soul of Bach Beethoven Brown.
But ah! our Statues grovelling command their candidates?To satisfy examiners in Smalls, and Mods., and Greats,?To learn those verbs irregular which men of taste abhor,?Before you can a Doctor be or e'en a Bachelor!
O mores! and O tempora! can pedantry compel?Musicians who write choruses to construe them as well??Is this (I ask) the way to deal with genius great and high? Why fetter it with Latin Prose? and Echo answers "Why?"
Beethoven Brown is famous still, though ignorant of Greek, He writes cantatas every month and anthems once a week:?And still in every capital and each provincial town?Piano organs play the tunes of Bach Beethoven Brown;
Earls, Viscounts, Dukes, and R-y-lties his music throng to hear: Already he's a Baronet, and soon he'll be a Peer:?And--thrice a year this awful news a nation's heart appals, That great Sir Bach Beethoven