Love Conquers All | Page 7

dispirited. They
will, however, sing the following, to the music of the "Ballet Pizzicato"
from "Sylvia":
"We greet you, we greet you, On this Christmas Eve so fine. We greet
you, we greet you, And wish you a good time."
They will then turn toward the tree and Flora Rochester will advance,
hanging a silver star on one of the branches, meanwhile reciting a verse,
the only distinguishable words of which are: "_I am Faith so strong and
pure_--"
At the conclusion of her recitation, the star will fall off.
Lillian McNulty will then step forward and hang her star on a branch,
reading her lines in clear tones:

"_And I am Hope, a virtue great, My gift to Christmas now I make,
That children and grown-ups may hope today That tomorrow will be a
merry Christmas Day_."
The hanging of the third star will be consummated by Gertrude
Hamingham, who will get as far as "_Sweet Charity I bring to place
upon the tree_--" at which point the strain will become too great and
she will forget the remainder. After several frantic glances toward the
wings, from which Mrs. Drury is sending out whispered messages to
the effect that the next line begins, "_My message bright_--" Gertrude
will disappear, crying softly.
[Illustration: "'Round and 'round the tree I go."]
After the morale of the cast has been in some measure restored by the
pianist, who, with great presence of mind, plays a few bars of "Will
There Be Any Stars In My Crown?" to cover up Gertrude's exit, Martha
Wrist will unleash a rope of silver tinsel from the foot of the tree, and,
stringing it over the boughs as she skips around in a circle, will say,
with great assurance:
"'_Round and 'round the tree I go, Through the holly and the snow
Bringing love and Christmas cheer Through the happy year to come._"
At this point there will be a great commotion and jangling of
sleigh-bells off-stage, and Mr. Creamer, rather poorly disguised as
Santa Claus, will emerge from the opening in the imitation fire-place.
A great popular demonstration for Mr. Creamer will follow. He will
then advance to the footlights, and, rubbing his pillow and ducking his
knees to denote joviality, will say thickly through his false beard:
"Well, well, well, what have we here? A lot of bad little boys and girls
who aren't going to get any Christmas presents this year? (Nervous
laughter from the little boys and girls). Let me see, let me see! I have a
note here from Dr. Whidden. Let's see what it says. (Reads from a
paper on which there is obviously nothing written). 'If you and the
young people of the Intermediate Department will come into the
Christian Endeavor room, I think we may have a little surprise for

you ...' Well, well, well! What do you suppose it can be? (Cries of "I
know, I know!" from sophisticated ones in the audience). Maybe it is a
bottle of castor-oil! (Raucous jeers from the little boys and elaborately
simulated disgust on the part of the little girls.) Well, anyway, suppose
we go out and see? Now if Miss Liftnagle will oblige us with a little
march on the piano, we will all form in single file--"
At this point there will ensue a stampede toward the Christian
Endeavor room, in which chairs will be broken, decorations
demolished, and the protesting Mr. Creamer badly hurt.
This will bring to a close the first part of the entertainment.

VI
HOW TO WATCH A CHESS-MATCH
Second in the list of games which it is necessary for every sportsman to
know how to watch comes chess. If you don't know how to watch chess,
the chances are that you will never have any connection with the game
whatsoever. You would not, by any chance, be playing it yourself.
I know some very nice people that play chess, mind you, and I wouldn't
have thought that I was in any way spoofing at the game. I would
sooner spoof at the people who engineered the Panama Canal or who
are drawing up plans for the vehicular tunnel under the Hudson River. I
am no man to make light of chess and its adherents, although they
might very well make light of me. In fact, they have.
But what I say is, that taking society by and large, man and boy, the
chances are that chess would be the Farmer-Labor Party among the
contestants for sporting honors.
Now, since it is settled that you probably will not want to play chess,
unless you should be laid up with a bad knee-pan or something, it
follows that, if you want to know anything about the sport at all, you
will have to watch it from the