Lifes Handicap | Page 6

dis
thing. Now I was gollectin' orchits also, und I knowed dot der idee of
life to Reingelder vas dis Sherman Flag. Derefore I bicked myselfs oop
und I said, "Reingelder, dot is YOUR find."--"Heart's true friend, dou
art a goot man," said Reingelder, und mit dot he obens der bickle-bottle,
und der natif woman she shqueals: "Herr Gott! It will bite." I
said--pecause in Uraguay a man must be careful of der
insects--"Reingelder, shpifligate her in der alcohol und den she will be

all right."--"Nein," said Reingelder, "I will der shnake alife examine.
Dere is no fear. Der coral-shnakes are mitout shting-apparatus
brofided." Boot I looked at her het, und she vas der het of a
boison-shnake--der true viper cranium, narrow und contract. "It is not
goot," said I, "she may bite und den--we are tree hoondert mile from
aferywheres. Broduce der alcohol und bickle him alife." Reingelder he
had him in his hand--grawlin' und grawlin' as slow as a woorm und
dwice as guiet. "Nonsense," says Reingelder. "Yates haf said dot not
von of der coral-shnakes haf der sack of boison." Yates vas der crate
authorite ubon der reptilia of Sout' Amerique. He haf written a book.
You do not know, of course, but he vas a crate authorite.
'I gum my eye upon der Sherman Flag, grawlin' und grawlin' in
Reingelder's fist, und der het vas not der het of innocence. "Mein Gott,"
I said. "It is you dot will get der sack--der sack from dis life here
pelow!"
'"Den you may haf der shnake," says Reingelder, pattin' it ubon her het.
"See now, I will show you vat Yates haf written!"
'Uud mit dot he went indo his dent, unt brung out his big book of Yates;
der Sherman Flag grawlin' in his fist. "Yates haf said," said Reingelder,
und he throwed oben der book in der fork of his fist und read der
passage, proofin' conglusivement dot nefer coral-shnake bite vas boison.
Den he shut der book mit a bang, und dot shqueeze der Sherman Flag,
und she nip once und dwice.
'"Der liddle fool he haf bit me," says Reingelder.
'Dese things was before we know apout der permanganat-potash
injection. I was discomfordable.
'"Die oop der arm, Reingelder," said I, "und trink whisky ontil you can
no more trink."
'"Trink ten tousand tevils! I will go to dinner," said Reingelder, und he
put her afay und it vas very red mit emotion.
'We lifed upon soup, horse-flesh, und beans for dinner, but before we
vas eaten der soup, Reingelder he haf hold of his arm und cry, "It is
genumben to der clavicle. I am a dead man; und Yates he haf lied in
brint!"
'I dell you it vas most sad, for der symbtoms dot came vas all dose of
strychnine. He vas doubled into big knots, und den undoubled, und den
redoubled mooch worse dan pefore, und he frothed. I vas mit him,

saying, "Reingelder, dost dou know me?" but he himself, der inward
gonsciousness part, was peyond knowledge, und so I know he vas not
in bain. Den he wrop himself oop in von dremendous knot und den he
died--all alone mit me in Uraguay. I was sorry, for I lofed Reingelder,
und I puried him, und den I took der coral-shnake--dot Sherman
Flag--so bad und dreacherous und I bickled him alife.
'So I got him: und so I lost Reingelder.'

THE WANDERING JEW [Footnote: Copyright, 1891, by Macmillan
& Co.]
'If you go once round the world in an easterly direction, you gain one
day,' said the men of science to John Hay. In after years John Hay went
east, west, north, and south, transacted business, made love, and begat a
family, as have done many men, and the scientific information above
recorded lay neglected in the deeps of his mind with a thousand other
matters of equal importance.
When a rich relative died, he found himself wealthy beyond any
reasonable expectation that he had entertained in his previous career,
which had been a chequered and evil one. Indeed, long before the
legacy came to him, there existed in the brain of John Hay a little
cloud-a momentary obscuration of thought that came and went almost
before he could realize that there was any solution of continuity. So do
the bats flit round the eaves of a house to show that the darkness is
falling. He entered upon great possessions, in money, land, and houses;
but behind his delight stood a ghost that cried out that his enjoyment of
these things should not be of long duration. It was the ghost of the rich
relative, who had been permitted to return to earth to torture his nephew
into the grave. Wherefore, under the spur of this constant reminder,
John Hay, always