Lifes Handicap | Page 5

me."
'"Fair an' softly," says Nailor. "Jock, whaur's Lang Lammitter?"
'"Here," says that man, putting his leg through the window and coming
in like an anaconda o' the desert furlong by furlong, one foot in Penang
and one in Batavia, and a hand in North Borneo it may be.

'"Are you suited?" said Nailor, when the hinder end o' Lang Lammitter
was slidden through the sill an' the head of Lammitter was lost in the
smoke away above.
'The American man took out his card and put it on the table. "Esdras B.
Longer is my name, America is my nation, 'Frisco is my resting-place,
but this here beats Creation," said he. "Boys, giants--side-show giants--
I minded to slide out of my bet if I had been overtopped, on the
strength of the riddle on this paste-board. I would have done it if you
had topped me even by three inches, but when it comes to feet--yards--
miles, I am not the man to shirk the biggest drink that ever made the
travellers'-joy palm blush with virginal indignation, or the orang-
outang and the perambulating dyak howl with envy. Set them up and
continue till the final conclusion."
'O mon, I tell you 'twas an awful sight to see those four giants threshing
about the house and the island, and tearin' down the pillars thereof an'
throwing palm-trees broadcast, and currling their long legs round the
hills o' Larut. An awfu' sight! I was there. I did not mean to tell you, but
it's out now. I was not overcome, for I e'en sat me down under the
pieces o' the table at four the morn an' meditated upon the strangeness
of things.
'Losh, yon's the breakfast-bell!'

REINGELDER AND THE GERMAN FLAG [Footnote: Copyright,
1891, by MACMILLAN & CO.]
Hans Breitmann paddled across the deck in his pink pyjamas, a cup of
tea in one hand and a cheroot in the other, when the steamer was
sweltering down the coast on her way to Singapur. He drank beer all
day and all night, and played a game called 'Scairt' with three
compatriots.
'I haf washed,' said he in a voice of thunder, 'but dere is no use washing
on these hell-seas. Look at me--I am still all wet and schweatin'. It is
der tea dot makes me so. Boy, bring me Bilsener on ice.'
'You will die if you drink beer before breakfast,' said one man. 'Beer is
the worst thing in the world for--'
'Ya, I know--der liver. I haf no liver, und I shall not die. At least I will
not die obon dese benny sdeamers dot haf no beer fit to trink. If I
should haf died, I will haf don so a hoondert dimes before now--in

Shermany, in New York, in Japon, in Assam, und all over der inside
bans of South Amerique. Also in Shamaica should I hat died or in Siam,
but I am here; und der are my orchits dot I have drafelled all the vorld
round to find.'
He pointed towards the wheel, where, in two rough wooden boxes, lay
a mass of shrivelled vegetation, supposed by all the ship to represent
Assam orchids of fabulous value.
Now, orchids do not grow in the main streets of towns, and Hans
Breitmann had gone far to get his. There was nothing that he had not
collected that year, from king-crabs to white kangaroos.
'Lisden now,' said he, after he had been speaking for not much more
than ten minutes without a pause; 'Lisden und I will dell you a sdory to
show how bad und worse it is to go gollectin' und belief vot anoder fool
haf said. Dis was in Uraguay which was in Amerique--North or Sout'
you would not know--und I was hoontin' orchits und aferydings else
dot I could back in my kanasters--dot is drafelling sbecimen-gaces.
Dere vas den mit me anoder man--Reingelder, dot vas his name--und
he vas hoontin' also but only coral-snakes--joost Uraguay
coral-snakes--aferykind you could imagine. I dell you a coral-snake is a
peauty--all red und white like coral dot has been gestrung in bands
upon der neck of a girl. Dere is one snake howefer dot we who gollect
know ash der Sherman Flag, pecause id is red und plack und white,
joost like a sausage mit druffles. Reingelder he was naturalist--goot
man--goot trinker--better as me! "By Gott," said Reingelder, "I will get
a Sherman Flag snake or I will die." Und we toorned all Uraguay
upside-behint all pecause of dot Sherman Flag.
'Von day when we was in none knows where--shwingin' in our
hummocks among der woods, oop comes a natif woman mit a Sherman
Flag in a bickle- bottle--my bickle-bottle--und we both fell from our
hummocks flat ubon our pot--what you call stomach--mit shoy at