Life in the Grey Nunnery at Montreal | Page 4

not know whether he is dead or alive.

CHAPTER II
.
THE WHITE NUNNERY.
On my arrival at the nunnery, I was placed under the care of a lady
whom they called a Superior. She took me into a room alone, and told
me that the priest would come to me in the morning to hear confession,
and I must confess to him all my sins. "What are sins?" I asked, and,
"How shall I confess? I don't know what it means." "Don't know what

sins are!" she exclaimed in great astonishment "Why, child, I am
surprised that you should be so ignorant! Where have you lived all your
days?" With all the simplicity of childhood, I replied, "With my father;
and once I lived with my grandfather; but they didn't tell me how to
confess." "Well," said she, "you must tell the priest all your wicked
thoughts, words, and actions." "What is wicked?" I innocently asked.
"If you have ever told an untruth;" she replied, "or taken what did not
belong to you, or been in any way naughty, disobedient, or unkind; if
you have been angry, or quarrelled with your playmates, that was
wicked, and you must tell the priest all about it If you try to conceal, or
keep back anything, the priest will know it and punish you. You cannot
deceive him if you try, for he knows all you do, or say, or even think;
and if you attempt it, you'll only get yourself into trouble. But if you are
resolved to be a good girl, kind, gentle, frank, sincere, and obedient, the
priest will love you, and be kind to you."
When I was conducted to my room, at bedtime, I rejoiced to find in it
several little cot beds, occupied by little girls about my own age, who
had been, like myself, consigned to the tender mercies of priests and
nuns. I thought if we must live in that great gloomy house, which even
to my childish imagination seemed so much like a prison, we could in
some degree dispel our loneliness and mitigate our sorrows, by
companionship and sympathy. But I was soon made to know that even
this small comfort would not be allowed us, for the Superior, as she
assisted me to bed, told me that I must not speak, or groan, or turn upon
my side, or move in any way; for if I made the least noise or
disturbance, I would be severely punished. She assured me that if we
disobeyed in the least particular, she would know it, even if she was not
present, and deal with us accordingly. She said that when the clock
struck twelve, the bell would ring for prayers; that we must then rise,
and kneel with our heads bowed upon the bed, and repeat the prayer
she taught us. When, at length, she left us, locking the door after her, I
was so frightened, I did not dare to sleep, lest I should move, or fail to
awake at the proper time.
Slowly passed the hours of that long and weary night, while I lay,
waiting the ringing of the bell, or thinking upon the past with deep
regret. The most fearful visions haunted my brain, and fears of future
punishment filled my mind. How could I hope to escape it, when they

were so very strict, and able to read my most secret thoughts? What
would I not have given could I have been again restored to my father?
True he was intemperate, but at that time I thought not of this; I only
knew that he was always kind to me, that he never refused what I asked
of him. I sometimes think, even now, that if he had not so cruelly thrust
me from him, I might have been able to win him from his cups and evil
course of life. But this was not to be. Having given himself up to the
demon of intemperance, it is not surprising that he should have given
away his only child; that he should have placed her in the hands of
those who proved utterly unworthy of the trust. But however indignant
I may at times have felt towards him, for the one great wrong he
committed against me, still I do not believe he would ever have done it
but for the influence of ardent spirits. Moreover, I do not suppose that
he had the least idea what kind of a place it was. He wished, doubtless,
that his child might be well educated; that she might be shielded from
the many trials and temptations that cluster around the footsteps of the
young and inexperienced, in the midst of a cold and heartless world.
From these evils the nunnery, he thought,