King Arthurs Socks and Other Village Plays | Page 4

talk about with another woman while she is doing it.
POTIPHAR. (_surprised_) What should they have to talk about?
JOSEPH. Secrets.
POTIPHAR. Secrets?
JOSEPH. What things are women especially interested in, sir?
POTIPHAR. Dress, perhaps?
JOSEPH. Perhaps.
POTIPHAR. Housekeeping?
JOSEPH. I doubt it, sir.
POTIPHAR. Joseph, you perturb me. Besides food and dress, there is only one subject, so far as I am aware, of interest to women. I hope you do not imply--
JOSEPH. Far be it from me, sir, to indulge in implications, with respect to an honoured guest, in the household in which I am a slave.
POTIPHAR. Still--it is hard to tell, sometimes. Women are mysterious creatures. What do you think of them, Joseph?
JOSEPH. I try not to, sir.
POTIPHAR. You are a wise man. Yes, I suppose you have your difficulties, too. The morality of the slave-girls is not all it should be. But if you will believe me, the morality of our women, too--
JOSEPH. Ah, sir!
POTIPHAR. Yes, Joseph, it leaves something to be desired. If you knew the advances that have been made to me by certain great ladies--
JOSEPH. If you will permit me to say so, sir, you have my sympathy.
POTIPHAR. Joseph--women are the very devil, aren't they?
JOSEPH. They are a great trial, sir. One must learn the secret of dealing with them.
POTIPHAR. Do you know that secret?
JOSEPH. I do, sir.
POTIPHAR. I am inclined to believe that you really do. You are a remarkable man. But then, you have a naturally cold disposition. It must come easy to you.
JOSEPH. Not so easy as you may think, sir. Temperamentally, I am very susceptible to the charms of women.
POTIPHAR. Then you are more remarkable even than I thought. Come, what is your secret?
JOSEPH. It is not the sort of secret that one gives away for nothing, sir.
POTIPHAR. I am sorry to see you display such a mercenary disposition, Joseph. But I see that I must come to terms with you. How much will you take to teach me your secret?
JOSEPH. This time, sir, I will not be mercenary. I will make you a sporting proposition.
POTIPHAR. (_very much interested_) Good! What is it?
JOSEPH. I will toss up a coin, and let you call it. If you win, I will teach you the secret for nothing. And if you lose--
POTIPHAR. And if I lose, you keep your secret--
JOSEPH. Not merely that. If you lose, you will give me my freedom.
POTIPHAR. But I cannot get along without you, Joseph!
JOSEPH. I will continue to work for you on a salary basis.
POTIPHAR. Done! Where is your coin?
_Joseph takes a small coin from his wallet, flips it in the air, and covers it with his hand when it falls on the table. He looks up at Potiphar_.
POTIPHAR. Much depends on this. What shall I say?
JOSEPH. I know what you will say, sir.
POTIPHAR. Impossible! Tails.
_Joseph uncovers the coin. Potiphar bends over it_.
JOSEPH. (_without looking_) It is heads.
POTIPHAR. So it is! I lose--Joseph, you are a lucky man!
JOSEPH. Not at all, sir--a clever one. You see, I knew just how the coin would fall. I tossed it so that it would fall that way.
POTIPHAR. But--how did you know what I was going to say?
JOSEPH. I will explain to you. On one side of the coin is a representation of the present Pharaoh, who has denied you advancement because of his daughter's interest in you. In consequence, you dislike any reminder of him--even on a coin. But on the other side is a representation of the goddess Isis; she is your favourite goddess--and moreover, you yourself have been heard to remark that her face and figure resemble remarkably that of a certain great lady, whose name--is never mentioned when the story is told. Naturally I knew how you would call the coin.
POTIPHAR. (_trembling with rage_) How dare you say such things! Do you forget that I can have you beaten with rods?
JOSEPH. (_calmly_) Do you forget, sir, that I am no longer a slave? Free men are not beaten in Egypt.
POTIPHAR. Free?
JOSEPH. Unless Potiphar takes back his word. It is true that I have no witnesses to it.
POTIPHAR. (_with great dignity_) Witnesses are unnecessary. I had forgotten for the moment. Let this remind me. (He gives Joseph a ring.) You are a free man. And so--what I thought was an insolence is merely a pleasantry. But--you take a quick advantage of your freedom.
JOSEPH. I accept the rebuke.
POTIPHAR. And--free man or slave--Joseph, you know too much!
_Potiphar walks out of the room. . . . Joseph seats himself at the table, and takes up a scroll of papyrus. He reads a moment, then claps his hands. A slave enters, stands before the table, and bows_.
JOSEPH. (_consulting the papyrus_) Bear word to the overseer of the winepress that the grapes in the southeast section will be brought in for pressing tomorrow morning. . . . Bear word to the