King Arthurs Socks and Other Village Plays | Page 3

think about this Joseph of yours.
POTIPHAR. (_irritated_) Now, if you are going to bring that subject up again--! Well, I tell you flatly, I won't do it.
MADAM POTIPHAR. You'd better take my advice!
POTIPHAR. It's the most unreasonable thing I ever heard of! For the first time in my life I get an efficient secretary--and you want me to get rid of him. It's ridiculous. What have you against Joseph, anyway?
MADAM POTIPHAR. I--I don't think he's honest.
POTIPHAR. Honest! Who expects the secretary of a government official to be honest? I don't want an honest man in charge of my affairs--all I want is a capable one. Besides, how would I know whether he is honest or not? I can't bother to go over his accounts, and I couldn't understand them if I did. Mathematics, my dear, is not an art that high-class Egyptians excel in. It takes slaves and Hebrews for that.
MADAM POTIPHAR. Well, just because he is able to add up a row of figures is no reason why he should be so high-handed with everybody. One would think he was the master here, instead of a slave.
POTIPHAR. A private secretary, my dear, is different from an ordinary slave. You mustn't expect him to behave like a doorkeeper. I remember now, he complained that you kept wanting him to run errands for you.
MADAM POTIPHAR. Yes, and he refused--in the most insolent manner. He is a proud and scheming man, I tell you. I am sure he is plotting some villainy against you.
POTIPHAR. (_wearily_) Yes, you have said that before.
MADAM POTIPHAR. I say it again. Joseph is a scoundrel.
POTIPHAR. You'll have to do more than say it, my dear. What proof have you of his villainy?
MADAM POTIPHAR. I think you might trust to my womanly intuition.
POTIPHAR. Bah! Joseph is going to stay! Do you understand?
_He pounds on the table for emphasis. Madam Potiphar takes advantage of the occasion to drop the sandal unnoticed_.
MADAM POTIPHAR. Well, you needn't create a domestic scene. Asenath may return at any moment.
POTIPHAR. (_gloomily_) I believe I'm to take her out in the chariot.
MADAM POTIPHAR. You don't begrudge my guest that much of your attention, do you? You know I cannot bear to ride behind those wild horses of yours. And she said she wanted to see the city.
POTIPHAR. Oh--I'll go. But I must see to my chariot. (_He claps his hands. A servant appears, and bows deeply_.) Send Joseph here at once.
_With another deep bow, the slave disappears. A pause_.
MADAM POTIPHAR. Now you know what it is to have your slave off attending to some business of his own when you want him.
POTIPHAR. (_annoyed_) Where can he be?
Enter Joseph.
JOSEPH. (_ignoring Madam Potiphar, and making a slight bow to Potiphar_) Here I am, sir.
POTIPHAR. (_after a triumphant glance at his wife_) Have my chariot made ready for me, will you?
JOSEPH. It will give me great pleasure to do so, sir.
_He bows slightly, and goes out_.
MADAM POTIPHAR. Did you notice his insolence?
POTIPHAR. There you go again! He said he was glad to do it for me. What more do you want?
MADAM POTIPHAR. You are the stupidest man in Egypt.
POTIPHAR. Thank you, my dear.
Joseph returns.
POTIPHAR. Is the chariot ready so soon, Joseph?
JOSEPH. The chariot is quite ready.
POTIPHAR. Very well. (_A pause_) And are those accounts finished yet, Joseph?
JOSEPH. The accounts are quite finished. And I would like to suggest, if I may--
_He is interrupted by the re-entrance of Asenath_.
ASENATH. What a lovely garden you have!
MADAM POTIPHAR. (_significantly_) Yes!
ASENATH. The pomegranate blossoms are so beautiful!
MADAM POTIPHAR. You could hardly tear yourself away, could you?
POTIPHAR. (_with a patient smile_) And are you ready for your chariot ride now?
ASENATH. Oh, yes! I am so eager to see the city! But I fear my hair needs a touch or two, first. . . .
MADAM POTIPHAR. It is so hard to keep one's hair in order when one walks in the garden. I will take you to my room, dear Asenath. (_To Potiphar_) We shall be ready presently.
POTIPHAR. The horses are waiting!
ASENATH. It won't take me but a moment!
MADAM POTIPHAR. Come, my dear. (They go toward the door.) I am so glad you liked our garden--
They go out.
POTIPHAR. (_turning to Joseph_) What were you going to say, Joseph?
JOSEPH. You asked me about my accounts. I was about to suggest that I show them to you tonight, when you return from your ride.
POTIPHAR. (_alarmed_) No! No! I don't want to see them. . . . I just want to know that everything is getting on well.
JOSEPH. Everything is getting along quite well.
POTIPHAR. Very good. I have complete confidence in you. . . . Joseph-- you have a mathematical mind; how long would you say it would take a woman to do her hair?
JOSEPH. Not less than half an hour, sir--especially if she has something to